The Armchair Realist

A change of furniture

2008-01-11T20:31:00.000+05:30

Woodworm decides to kick, but will burrow a different piece of wood.

Have moved to wordpress. See you there.

To be (a Lazarus) or not to be

2008-01-08T13:35:00.000+05:30

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair—
[They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”]
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
[They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”]

Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

[...]

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.”

Two concluding lines and a closure

2007-01-02T23:05:00.000+05:30

After a long time, I watched Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life" again yesterday. After one and a half hours of absurdist comedy, Michael Palin announces that the "meaning" is nothing special, really...

Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.

A few days ago, I also watched "The Big Fish" by Tim Burton, which ends with a line I found very uncomfortable:

"A man tells a story over and over so many times he becomes the story. In that way, he is immortal"

It somehow brought me back here, and I realized to my un-surprise that I have not posted anything for the last 9 months. I knew myself this time, and I realized that it is not as if the sea has dried up, just that it refuses to mark its tides anymore.

Anyway - as absurdist comedies go - having read the above two lines (and of course the title), some of you must have sensed that this is where I bid adieu. Well, thats what this post is all about. Having pleasantly mellowed down to my own comfort zone of late, I find that not talking (in more ways than one) is a very addictive habit. So here's me bidding a formal adieu, when no one is watching, with a whimper... I don't think I will post anything here again.

So long folks! Great knowing the lot of you!

An arbit post written for seemingly no reason at midnight

2006-03-31T00:05:00.000+05:30

It is ALWAYS fascinating seeing people unravel before your eyes - pleasantly sometimes for the better, nastily sometimes for the worse but interestingly either way, even when what you see doesn't concern you. Often, it is just your own prejudices which is falling apart, but there are unmistakable moments, when the sensitive eye can pick up the signals dropped, unwittingly or consciously, that the mask is being lowered and the person either has become incapable of sustaining the earlier image or is just sick and tired of doing so all the time and has stopped.

The much celebrated modern "virtues" of attitude, cynicism, righteousness, eliticism, panache, - all notwithstanding, it is fascinating how there ALWAYS comes a point in everyone's life that reveals to the observing world, and more surprisingly to oneself - the pulse of ordinary mortal, flawed, human blood that runs in the stream... Even when it is unpleasant at times, these moments are strangely reassuring.

Maybe I had written something on similar lines here and there...

I just couldnt resist one of Sara Teasdale's gems.

When I have ceased to break my wings
Against the faultiness of things,
And learned that compromises wait
Behind each hardly opened gate,
When I have looked Life in the eyes,
Grown calm and very coldly wise,
Life will have given me the Truth,
And taken in exchange -- my youth.

Howdy blogworld?

2006-02-26T23:03:00.000+05:30

Its been a real long time...

But I am in a position where I can no longer promise to post regularly or ask people to keep checking my blog, coz blogging has slipped quite a lot of places in my list of priorities these days.. and it is expected to be that way at least for another year. That's till I graduate..

Things about Wikipedia will remain unsaid for some time. A big heated debate happened around the last post - something to do with the article "Woman" in the encyclopedia and the presence of some objectionable terms in the article. Remind me to narrate that sometime.

Quite a lot of interesting things keep happening around anyways. So it transpires that I am (so far only nominally) a part of a kick-ass blog called "Sthreeling". m's brainchild, it is aptly captioned "Pulling in the opposite direction" :) Bookmark it folks.. its going to be real stormy!

And yes... at the risk of this post becoming too political (well, what's wrong ?), please also visit The Blank Noise Project. For all those interested, there is a blogathon scheduled on March 7th on eve teasing and sexual harassment in the streets. So what do you do? Simple. Just vent out your thoughts on the issue in your respective blogs on March 7th. And maybe drop in a comment in here or at sthreeling so that we could link to you. And yes, spread the word around...

A million posts on my head now.. but all for some other day.

Wikipedia at crossroads

2005-12-14T00:43:00.000+05:30

I have always wanted to talk about my fascination with Wikipedia at some point. Having been a moderately active contributor for over a year and a half, and a content administrator for sometime, I have had experiences, both pleasant and unpleasant. I have marvelled at the way that a totally open encyclopedia is still able to make sense overall. Helping to build articles from scratch, and seeing them come up excellently is an exhilirating experience. Well-written articles not only are featured on the main page and gain superbly in Google ranks, but are replicated at various mirrors all over the web, and also available for citations and references in various academic works around the world. Believe me, it gives you the kicks to see your work get that level of footage. However, I have also been party to ugly disputes, which have left me high and dry. Building consensus and objectivity on politically sensitive articles is not a very easy thing, and unless you are very dogged, patient but also open-minded, there is a very good chance that you would lose your steam quite early.

In time, I lost touch with Wikipedia, but a recent controversy has rekindled my interest in the concept again. I am talking about the Seigenthaler incident which has indeed shaken Wikidom a bit. It all started when a prankster edited the entry for John Seiganthaler Sr. and suggested that he was at one point investigated for the assassinations of John and Robert Kennedy - a false allegation. Probably by suggesting that "nothing was ever proven" along with the insinuating lines, the prankster got away with the edit, escaping the eyes of the usually watchful administrators, who are constantly on the prowl to revert acts of vandalism. The edit went unnoticed and unchallenged for four long months, until a close associate of Seigenthaler fished it out and brought it to his attention. Some furious calls to Jimbo Wales, founder and the "benevolent dictator" of Wikipedia later, the editions were removed.

But, the damage was already done. Seigenthaler went on national television and other popular media to discredit Wikipedia as a "flawed and an irresponsible research tool". He also went public on USA Today, with a scathing attack, suggesting that Wikipedia is a tool that can be used to promote evil gossip, and also expressing discontent that there is no legal recourse to compensate for damage in such an environment. This had an avalanche effect of convincing other mass media players to pounce on to the story, and over the last fortnight, several newspapers and television channels covered the incident. Wales and Seigenthaler had an interview with Kyra Philips on CNN, not much later. There have since been unconfirmed reports of memos being circulated at places that work with information (like news agencies), not to trust Wikipedia as a reliable source of information.

Jimbo, on his part, took the unusual step of not only reverting the article, but also of deleting the edition from the edit history log, so that the damaging lines for all practical purposes, were "truly deleted". He has also announced a significant policy change of not allowing unregistered users to start new articles. When Jimbo Wales acknowledges the incident as a significant setback, it really things to perspective, and is a good indicator that Houston sees a problem. The incident has not only raised questions on Wikipedia's authenticity, and its legality, but also on if an open source encyclopedia is a fundamentally feasible concept.

In my personal opinion, the incident itself is a minor aberration, and there is no refuting the fact that Wikipedia is simply the most complete and largest repository of information or pointers to information on the web. The fundamental premise of Wikipedia is provision of information that will never be perfect in content, and it works under the best-effort . The difference between Wikipedia and other encyclopediae is that the former does not have systemic errors. There are no overpowering vested interests that would try to shape opinion one way or the other. In other words, the system being open, is designed to eliminate systemic errors. However, that comes with the cost of not being able to avoid random errors like the one that has caused the recent furore.

There is a reason why there is a big gaga over Wikipedia. Wikipedia takes the open source software model to the next level. The kind of knowledge base you need to attract is a million times more complex and diverse, that any restriction on who can/cannot contribute would have defeated the purpose. From the very begining, Wikipedia has strived to go for volumes - more information here than at any other single place in the web. And as long as you are a user with an internet connection, nobody is going to stop you from starting/editing any page on the web. You do not need to be a regsitered user. All you need is an IP address. If you are behind a proxy/firewall/dialup, that doesnt even say anything about you. Wikipedia has opened itself to such a diverse community of people around the world in close to a hundred languages, that if it works today as a credible source of information, it is nothing short of a miracle. And a working concept like that is a very credible brand ambassador for the entire open-software/free-content community.

Wikipedia, as a free content project, is by design nutured and sustained by criticisms. The single, largest promise that open-source/free content projects provides us is the refusal to go into the denial mode. We simply refuse to build cathedrals. If necessary, we should be willing to tear down anything that remotely seems like an edifice that cannot be sustained over the next few years. If necessary, we should start from scratch, change the way we have designed the system.

It would sound counter-intuitive, there are enough reasons for us to be happy about the Seigenthaler incident, because this is an oportunity to think of this and a few other issues about the way Wikipedia operates presently.

What are these issues? Is Wikipedia still workable? (Ok, you must have guessed that I do think it is workable ;-), but why?)

More on that in the next post(s)...

Is analysis worthwhile?

2005-12-10T10:49:00.000+05:30

[...]

Lost, is it, buried? One more missing piece?

But nothing's lost. Or else: all is translation
And every bit of us is lost in it
And in that loss a self-effacing tree,
Color of context, imperceptibly
Rustling with its angel, turns the waste
To shade and fiber, milk and memory.

- James Merrill, Lost in Translation

A scene badly written in which I must play

2005-11-27T12:41:00.000+05:30

Two eventful months - bizarre, wild, confusing, draining... how do I put it? Flaky bits and pieces of me fell apart. I was at my aimless best, doing things I could not explain to myself, talking stuff I dont mean.

But just when that cynical bit rears its ugly head, and you are about to resign yourselves to becoming a flotsam in an emotional jet-stream, there comes the realisation that there are some things and some people you know you can always latch on to - reminding you that your life so far hasn't been exactly meaningless. And once you know that, the storm has been miraculously weathered.

Life is either an elaborate Monty Python movie, or a beautifully crafted Zen Koan. Either way, never makes sense while you are at it.

An alternate therapy for the tongue-tied

2005-10-09T19:30:00.000+05:30

You can think of the offending moments as not passed
And those painful words as never escaped.
You may try and explain away the strangest behaviours
Which could starve-heal the wounds.

Try to file your thoughts to a sub-altern cellar
And turn in the keys to your future nightmares
For a quieter disposal.
If anything in you rebels against such dishonour
Retort angrily by trivializing your emotions
(Try moralizing...it usually does the trick)
And shut them for the night behind a bar of silence.

During post-operative care
You should wear the whitest clothes,
Listen to 4'33" for music
Eat the blandest soup for dinner.
And in choosing an appropriate emotion,
You may have anything as long as it is numb.

Will you do me a favour
And having read all this
With cynical wisdom
Think of it as never written?

Profundity in two sentences

2005-09-02T02:40:00.000+05:30

"We must accept our existence to the greatest extent possible; everything, the unprecedented also, needs to be accepted.

That is basically the only case of courage required of us: to be courageous in the face of the strangest, the most whimsical and unexplainable thing that we could encounter."

-Rainer Maria Rilke ('Letters to a young poet')

Management Gods

2005-08-28T00:50:00.000+05:30

A B-school is a perfect haven for the spiritually inclined. The spiritual experiences that you can find can be varied, depending on your level of spiritual advancement, and your degree of achievement of your "self-actualization potentials"

1. The 'I-am-a-God' Chakra - It may seem as if the adherents to this philosophy are more in tune with the 'Advaita Vedanta', in believing that the self and the divine cannot be separated. But, it has been observed from experience, that the philosophy is a little more mundane. The adherents seem to believe that the divine, in its infinite wisdom has incarnated itself in their bodies, who are the chosen ones to pursue an MBA degree to transform the Karmic imbalance in the management world.

The author has learned from trustworthy insiders in this secret cult, that there is a general belief in this cult that the Divinity has entrusted the job of recruiting the next Avatar to the IIMs. Recently discovered scrolls have revealed that Lord Kalki would be an engineer from a premier engineering institute, who after two years of work experience in a Gurgaon/Bangalore-based software firm, would be disillusioned by all that is evil in the corporate world. For the general maintenance of Dharma, as promised in the Gita, the Lord would decide to pursue a PGP from the IIM. However, having obtained gyaan (Knowledge) from certain readings from Milton Friedman, that profit-making is the sole Dharma of a corporate, he would then decide to enter Wall Street on a white horse, as an investment banker, and earn a ten-figure salary. He would then fly back to India, at a ripe age of forty, decide to become an entrepreneur in the financial services segment, or would enter politics and emancipate the weaker sections in the society.

As with every Karmapa Lama, there are a number of pretenders to this Avatar, and hence resumes of many demi-gods crammed with bullet points, are floating around, in an attempt to help the powers-that-be decide on who is the 'God-of-them-all'. A number of authors (OTB and Misra, 2005) have tried to explain the rationale behind the quirky beliefs of this cult - and the candidate answers range from the 'rigor of selection process to B-school interviews', 'need for differentiation', 'hyper-active work environment', 'paranoia' etc. It is, however an unsolved mystery that the members of this cult, are generally intolerant of the belief in the same philosophy, when expressed by others. It is hence, unsurprising that the adherents to this philosophy are usually referred to by a certain 7 letter word that begins with 'a' and ends with 'e' - whch we are led to believe by experience, is highly offensive to them.

Empirical data points to the fact that the belief in this creed reaches the first peak, just before a prospective MBA gains admit into a B-school. Hence, most entrants to a B-school are observed to belong to this philosophical school. However, the two years of B-school education, helps the entrant to question this philosophy with nihilist rigor, and achieve the next state of spiritual advancement.

2. The 'What you see is not what you get' Chakra - The first seeds of crisis of identity are sown in this stage of spiritual advancement. It usually begins when the 'I-am-a-God's are asked to fill a one-page document, that would explain the rationale behind their beliefs. It usually results in these people realising that there are innumerable chinks in their armour. The majority, then converts to the viewpoint that Godliness is highly relative, and the eternal hierarchy of Gods are unending, and sometimes would seem cyclical. During this crisis-driven departure from Advaita, some panicky adherents begin to propose corollaries that would seem to explain that the sex of the adherent, is an important determinant in deciding the 'God-of-them-all'. Sometimes, the ability to mimic the excretory process of a certain bovine species, is used as an indicator of preparedness for the same.

The adherents, in this stage of hectic spiritual activity, begin to acquire vocabulary and accent that trails them for the rest of their lives into balance sheets, news conference briefs, legal suits and interviews. This stage can set in anywhere between one to two weeks from the begining of the curriculum. (In some cases, the achievement of this stage can be accelerated by certain numbers on returned test papers and interaction with knowledgeable faculty members, who are experienced with dealing with 'I-am-a-God's. It is observed that the usage of excretory-process-mimicking as a strategy, is highly disastrous in dealing with these situations.)

3. The 'So-help-me-God' Chakra - At this stage, one can observe that the spiritual aspirant has realised that for her general well-being, it is necessary to dissociate herself from that fellow called God, and place Him at a higher altar, so that He can be approached for solace in certain matters like performance in tests and quizzes, maintenance of grades, gaining footage and in pushing through the one page document without much scrutiny into the verity.

This phase usually begins approximately around a month into the B-school, and lasts for approximately a month or two and then leads to the next stage of advancement.

4. The 'Worship-the-Devil' Chakra - At this stage, the aspirant reaches a state of disillusionment with the entity called God, who for all practical purposes, is deluded with contradicting offers of appeasement from fellow graduates. Since by design, a B-school is zero-sum game, He has decided to round up his response to zero, and hence does nothing to preferentially benefit the aspirant.

The aspirant, hence decides to shift to the darker side, and engage in practices with sinister connotations like RG (relative grading), free-riding etc. He is enamoured by his realization of immediate benefits, as a result of these practices. But, with market arbitrage, and with mass defections from the Lighter side to the Dark side (the dynamics of which - the author will publish in a subsequent paper titled 'The Economics of RG'), the darker side reaches a equilibriaic state, where the marginal utility from any subsequent dark activity does not yield substantial result. This, is the longest lasting phase in the life of a B-school aspirant, and in some cases, can last almost the aspirant's entire stay at the B-school. However, except in the rarest-of-the-rare cases, every aspirant is necessarily prodded to the next phase of spiritual attainment.

5. The 'Why-am-I-here' Chakra - Discounting extreme outliers, as a result of the general failure of the theory of Good and the Evil to explain the purpose of life at a B-school, every aspirant begins her true Nietzschiean spiritual journey at this stage. It has been proved by psephologists, specializing in B-schools that every B-school graduate utters the dreaded four word phrase at least once within the two years of his curriculum. It has been aptly described by a leading author (Rodulus Lordulus, 2005) as analogous to the 'Blue Pill' in the cult film 'The Matrix', which the hero pops into his mouth, to finally confront reality.

This stage is generally known to foster a sense of brotherhood and fraternity among adherents, and is generally observed to be the most peaceful of all spiritual stages - marked by bouts of mental depression, and physical wasting. This may be the highest state that most B-school aspirants achieve during their stay. However, with certain events like placements, certain adherents are known to fall back to earlier philosophies, by convincing themselves that what is not pleasant cannot be true.

6. The 'Maya' Chakra - If the adherent manages to last the previous spiritual stage, while maintaining his grades at a level that would help him complete his education, it may sometimes become possible for him to reach an irreversible stage where he realises that 'Maya is the root cause of all sorrows'. He is no longer overly concerned about grades (he now knows that there are "no right answers, but there are always right marks"), he is not concerned about i-Bank placements (he anyway doesn't stand a chance) and he awaits the placement process with a detached attachment - where he knows that the fruit of his actions does not belong to him.

Though, the above treatise covers the dominant schools of philosophy in a B-school, the author is indeed puzzled by observations by external agencies, that once the placement process is completed, the whole cycle starts over again - with people begining with the 'I-am-a-God' attitude towards life. Further studies are recommended to factor in these observations.

Politically Correct

2005-08-03T21:13:00.000+05:30

Finally, there is a laptop in my room and music in my ears. I had mentally catalogued all the things I wanted to blog about, so you can expect a random assortment of ideas in the next few posts.

First is a very delayed response to one of those usual Ditch baits. I am not sure why being a "centrist, left leaning, liberal" spans a contradictory space ("with me in the middle" as his figurative genius puts it), but this is hopefully some kind of a reply.

When I say I am a centrist, I am moderate on most parameters of judgement. When I say I lean to the left, I mean that when faced with certain economic questions like income distribution, I would more often than not, lean to the socialist viewpoint. And when I say I am a liberal, I believe that in certain issues like gay rights, I believe it is nobody's business to intrude into a perfectly non-obstrusive relationship. But, there are certain issues that the above description does not address. For example, I am not sure I would agree to a blanket legislation to permit abortion, drugs or euthanasia. Does that make me less of a liberal? And I am not a fan of trade union activism. Does that make me less of a leftist? If you go by certain other multi-axis models, you would find yourself in various different quadrants, based on the parameters used for evaluation.

Does the fact that I cannot answer these questions to fit certain stereotyped ideologies make me contradictory? Or does it lead to a larger observation that political grammar has never been that perfect that somebody like Ditch can afford to be a prude ;-) ? I leave that question open.

Left and Right have been the most stereotyped ideologies in political history. These stereotypes have historically never explained the "grey minded" individuals. For example, one could be fiercely conservative as far as individual values go, while exhibiting liberal tendencies in not expecting the same to apply to everbody else. Or for example, how does the contemporary left and right deal with economic freedom and personal freedom? Historically,there have been questions raised on the "Left"ism of Josef Stalin or the "Right"ism of Adolf Hitler when you extrapolate their ideologies to polity in the former case, and economics in the latter. As a recent example, take the case of the defeat of the European Union constitution referendum by the French public when actually the Extreme left and Extreme Right joined hands to polarise the vote away from the so-called "centrists" who were pushing for more integration. It can be argued that the motivation for the alliance could have been different, but how different is rightist exclusion from leftist protectionism if you really winnow the wheat? So what exactly do you mean when you say you are a leftist? Or that you are a liberal? And why should I agree to that definition? In fact, certain movements in the modern age like "Libertarianism" simply refuse to be classified. My all-time favourite Left-Right counter-example is George Orwell, who I am sure would have failed Politics 101. Anyway, a better and more interesting analysis here

I am infrastructurally challenged...

2005-07-16T22:37:00.000+05:30

... and that is why there havent been posts for the last one month.

Read the title again, and you would probably know that I have joined IIMB :) I have indeed entered the lair of management jargon, spiral bound cases, ultra-serious looking individuals who look like they have born to become MBAs, placements, CGPA rat races, resume bullet points, one and a half hour classes, assignments, tutorials, seventeen-hour long days, and a universally infectious feeling of paranoia and a lot of hype. Quite grimly to prove my point, today we had an orientation session by a counselling agency, that has become quite active as some kind of a depression (and suicide??) helpline on campus. Good job, I must say... but the very fact that this campus needs one is terrifying at the very least.

On the positive side, got to meet lots of interesting people around. We even had a cultural evening in the very first week - and did some interesting publicity work. Loads from my college here, and for now - that seems to be the saving grace. You need people to crib with, folks!

I am still wading in the dark trying to find ways to loosen up. Its been weeks since I read anything (apart from the acad stuff), havent watched a movie in months, and so it goes...

Not having a computer yet at hand sucks! No music, no blogging, no IMs. no surfing - nothing that could be even minimally diverting.

I must (hopefully) be getting a lappie over the next week, and if all goes well, I would get back to posting stuff (and catch up with the rest of you bloggers).

Until then...

PS: Oh yeah, a reply to Ditch is due... and thats coming!

Tagged to life....

2005-06-19T00:27:00.000+05:30

I resolved to myself to keep the grandiose silence intact till at least the end of this month... but you know petty people like me just don't deserve being grandiose.... :)

I was half-tagged by m (I say half - because I am not sure it is me she meant - but the part about the lazy buffoon in that post reeked too badly of me) and now been unmistakably tagged by The Mystic.

So here goes...

Total books I own

About 100 of my own (that is when I get to raid all my friends and get back all that is mine) - and around 75 more - that I have a "right to inherit".

Last books I bought
For Whom The Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway
The Lord of the Flies by William Golding

Last Book I read

For Whom The Bell Tolls

Currently reading

The Last Temptation of Christ by Nikos Kazantzakis
A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Memoirs by Pablo Neruda

Books that have had an impact on me

Almost everything that I read. I am a choosy book-picker, and go by recommendations and reviews (the very simple, shameless reason being the unwillingness wasting money experimenting on my own). But, usually the recos work well for me.

Anyways, would list the first few that come to my mind....

1. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - Robert Pirsig. Not because I understood all that he said. To this date, I cant really define what he means by Metaphysics of Quality - and I was royally screwed in a mock B-school interview once when I said I liked this book :) But, I found this book very structured and educative on Western philosophy. I read it first while
still in college. I must get to re-read this sometime.

2. Nineteen Eighty Four by George Orwell. One of my very first serious reads. It is quite ironic that Orwell, who once fought on the Left, could have written the most dystopic novel against communism. There is something really sinister about the way he wrote this book - something very inhuman and savage - about describing the State that has grown beyond its purpose. Imagine him coming up with something like Newspeak to make his point. This fellow believed in what he said and it shows. And the thing that really scares you - is that most of what he said later came true. Things like Pravda in Soviet Union, Mao as Big Brother etc etc....

3. We The Living - Ayn Rand - Very very surprising that many "Randy" folks I know havent read this one. I dont think she came as close to realistically portray the "Multitude vs. Individual" conflict as in this one. A semi-autobiographic work, this is also where she is at her tale-spinning best. The three people in the lead are very realistic, unlike the make-believe world she spins in the other two - replete with supermen creators and mediocre parasites. A very moving, poignant tale.

4. A history of the world in 10 1/2 Chapters by Julian Barnes - Very intelligent and a real class-act full of British dark humour. This is a book that is something like a bunch of short stories loosely tied up to form one novella. It starts with a retelling of the story of Noah - from the eyes of a pest that is actually an illegal stowaway in the ark. It goes on to parody many things in Christian ecclesiology and portray an alternate history for the world. The "1/2" in the title refers to a prose-monologue on love!!! A very quirky, thoughtful read. (Useless Trivia - Woodworm is an inspired pseudonym from a "character" from this book.)

5. The Ground Beneath Her Feet - Salman Rushdie - For the pure enchanting word-play and allegories that has come to define the Rushdian Magic Realism. There is simply too much in this - levels and levels of appreciating the book. Something for you if you knew Greek myth, something even if you dont, something if you are a Rushdie freak, something if you are not. Again a lot of re-telling of history to amuse you... For example, did u know it was Carly Simon and Art Garfunkel who make up S&G, or "Blowing in the Wind" by Dylan was a shameless rip-off from an Indian rock band... ???? Pointless and trivial - but very amusing. A book that successfully tries to bewitch you - without making a point at all. Rushdie rarely makes a point, anyway :) In my personal list, this is tale-spinning at its best. (Midnight's Children too.. but somehow I like GBHF better)

5. Godel Escher Bach - The Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas Hofstadter - This is a must-read for anybody who is vaguely interested in Computers, Music, Zen, patterns, programming - well - I missed my point. Anyway, so do many. It is not immediately obvious what this book is about anyway. It starts to talk about one of the greatest musicians, then wanders off into some paradoxes, amuses you with some Escher paintings, then brings in some Zen mysticism, a few thought experiments here and there and then talks about computers and programming, all the while interspersed with some very intriguing dialogues by famous characters in myth and literature. It is easy to be misled into thinking that this book is something about everything. It is beyond a point in this book that you realise that this book is about how human mind works - and how self-reference is the single most important problem to be tackled while building computers. If I start explaining this book, I would end up becoming too technical. But, anybody who has been intrigued by how human mind sees the external world and itself - and what that means when we try to replicate that intelligence in computers - read this. (I think I came very close to defining this book. It is much, much more however....!!!)

6. Life of Pi - Yann Martel - have reviewed this somewhere. I loved the way the book ended.

7. The Last Temptation of Christ by Nikos Kazantzakis - Will review it sometime soon when I am fully finished. But this one is already a huge favourite of mine.

8. The Lord of The Rings trilogy - For the singularly mind-boggling history that Tolkien built around this. I wasnt too impressed with all the fairy tale jazz at first read. Probably the movies helped me to read this with a renewed interest. Among other things, this is a powerfully positive tale.

Books that did NOT have any impact on me

Very few. I enjoy most of what I read. I even have a quirky taste towards flippant, unimpressive and the "supposedly substandard" stuff. The only books I put down unfinished are unoriginal, melodramatic and deliberate stuff.

1. Vernon God Little - DBC Pierre - The only book I regret buying in the last few years. I haven't even finished this one.

2. Namesake - Jhumpa Lahiri. I borrowed this one - so I am okay. I finished this - only because I had nothing else to do on a train journey.

Ok, I pass the baton to Indu M, H, PS , Zealous Zygote and Whoiscb.

Scheduled downtime

2005-06-11T20:53:00.000+05:30

This is to inform all concerned that this blogger's life has been deliberately downed for maintenance of physical, mental, emotional and such other aspects of human functioning.

The very fact that this downtime was scheduled for long, but missed mention here speaks for the urgency and sheer earnestness with which the current operation is being undertaken.

During this period, Woodworm Maintanence Inc. regrets to inform that the blogger concerned will undergo a strict regimen of no more than thirty minutes of online time per week, approximately 10-12 hours of sleep every day, at least 5 courses of regular meals and a general deliberately induced feeling of sloth, ennui and anonymous smugness.

Since, the life of the blogger post 25th of June, is as certain as the fate of the Voyager fifteen years from now, we are unable to speculate on if the blogger will be governed by the laws of zombie-dom or superhumanity and at what points will the maxima or minima of activity vs time curves will be reached.

Since, this message is now bureaucratically presumptuous and frustrated enough, the Woodworm Maintenance Inc. shall say no more....

How to lose your religion in sixteen lines

2005-05-19T19:23:00.000+05:30

That Thou Art.

It is so easy understanding Advaita...
Just hear me out...

That Thated That and This Thised This
That is This and This is That
So That Thated This and This Thised That
That Thised That and That Thated This
This Thated This and This Thised That.

Since thatting the that is Thissing the this,
This and That should never be spoken in the plural.

To cut a long story short,
Since I understood Advaita
So did you.

Since we all understood Advaita,
Come let us celebrate
By lynching a few missionaries

Smirk

2005-05-11T13:00:00.000+05:30

I liked today's opinion piece in The Hindu

One year down the line , I cannot suppress a smile when I think about certain 'Loh Purush'es and 'Vikas Purush'-es withering without an anchor to drop. All gifts - of the gab, of Apollo, of iron fists, of tridents, of saffron - seem to have magically deserted just when they need them the most.

Well, it is not for lack of trying you see... They did attempt something spirited, in terms of parliamentary boycott over the last two sessions, but scandal after scandal after scandal demanded that they be present to at least offer some muted protests... You would certainly need a lot of faith in the Indian Constitution to believe that the NDA (or whatever remains of it) is in the Opposition.

And of course when I think about certain mosquitoes that went into certain mouths which seem to be frozen agape in time - my smirk gets wider :)

Keatsian Geometry

2005-05-09T16:13:00.000+05:30

Two parallel streams of
Rivulets on my window-pane
Burgeoning with pouring silver,
Dripping and sliding down
Deterministic pathways
Made by wet ancestry....

Their massive efforts
To seek and merge into
One another
Botched by glassy palisadses
Fortified by surface tension....

Their horizontal travails
Mocked by the vertical inevitability
Of a nameless abyss
Along deathways made easier
By a history of capitulations.

And while descending to molten death,
Leaving behind their scattered remains
As signboards to hell
For the next drop in line

It took only a few seconds
On a rainy afternoon
For me to realise

That to be cursed is
To lead a life
Perfectly parallel to another's
With redemption waiting
But at infinity.

Coming back to life...

2005-05-04T10:06:00.000+05:30

This is just to acknowledge that I have indeed deleted my last post - something I don't do usually.

But this time, let us just say it was because of a happy mail received today morning and a deleted post elsewhere :)

Volte-Face

2005-04-23T18:40:00.000+05:30

I decided to choose a different template for my blog. Why?

1. Sticking to basics: I suck at anything that ends with ~ML and my attempts at tweaking standard templates ended disastrously. The last change I did, made mine look painfully like a leaf out of 1912 Encyclopedia Brittanica.

2. Vainglory: Since my page rank is now 2/10, I assume that there are many more linking to and hence many more reading my blog than I previously thought. I thought I will make the experience less painful.

3. The truth: I am an Indian S/W engineer whose Saturdays are abysmally boring :)

I hated the change to The Hindu and I rarely turn the pages of that fallen newspaper for the last few days. So let me know if this sucks.

PS :- I prefer to read blogs in a feed reader. SharpReader isn't too bad - but it has one irritating bug - it mixes up feeds when somebody republishes his/her entire blog. Any better suggestions for atom readers?????

Shattered....

2005-04-20T17:50:00.000+05:30

I was shocked yesterday to know that "updation" is not a word in the English language. Now common - there is "predate" and there is "predation"....!

Talk of ego-shatterers! It is kind of depressing to realise that after approximately two decades of English learning -

- of which a minimum of 7 were spent predominantly speaking and thinking in that language,
- at least 10 of which were spent, reading literature exclusively in that language,
- that boasted 4 years of graduate-level association with a club that had "English" in its letter-head

- you could still fall into one of these pits...

More depressing is to be told that by a British national, who incidentally had his collegiate education from the Middle-East. Stupefied, I did do my share of googling and could get 55,800 references to the word "updation" - but Wordweb doesn't care. And dictionary.com allows it only 'informally'

Whatever... I should have known at least that much...

Tell me honestly people ,

1) How many of you knew that there was never any "updation" in the Queen's tongue?
2) And how many of you think that there should be?
3) And how many of you think that English is one thing that will remain a British bastion forever - a colonial legacy that can never be mastered?

The Peter in Us

2005-04-18T14:20:00.000+05:30

There is one incident in the New Testament, that has moved me like no other that I have heard (with the possible exception of Krishna and Sudama in the Mahabharata).

Just before he is captured, Jesus Christ is feasting with his twelve disciples, among whom is also Judas, the man who has sold his loyalty for thirty pieces of silver. Jesus, who knows what is in store for him, matter-of-factly pronounces that he is going to be betrayed by one of them the next day, and that the rest would all "fall away" from him that night. To which Peter, one of his most favourite disciples replies - "Even if all desert you, I will never desert you." Jesus answered, "In truth I tell you, this very night, before the cock crows, you will have denied me three times."

When Jesus is indeed captured that night, and is brought to the trial room filled with a hostile crowd, Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. And a maid came up to him, and said, "You also were with Jesus the Galilean." But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you mean." And when he went out to the porch, another maid saw him, and she said to the bystanders, "This man was with Jesus of Nazareth." And again he denied it with an oath, "I do not know the man." After a little while the bystanders came up and said to Peter, "Certainly you are also one of them, for your accent betrays you." Then he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, "I do not know the man." And immediately the cock crowed. And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, "Before the cock crows, you will deny me three times." And he went out and wept bitterly.

Now Simon - the Peter, was one of Jesus's first and most loyal disciples. His name incidentally means the "Rock" - who was the first to recognise that Jesus - is the prophesied Messiah. In acknowledgment of which, Jesus utters - "Flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church".

I personally think that Jesus Christ might have suffered the most - not at the hands of the Jewish priests, not at the hands of Pilate's soldiers, nor by Judas' betrayal - not even at the Cross and arguably not even at his agony being prolonged.

To me, it seems that he must have suffered the most - seeing how Peter, of all the people could not rise up to the occasion. And more moving is the fact that - for all this, Peter was not banished. He endured the pangs of guilt. He became the First Pope, and was primarily instrumental in the spread of Christianity. To this day, the Pope wears the Fisherman's ring - the one which signifies Peter's occupation.

Even being a non-Christian, I see something beyond a simple test of faith in the above story.
Now what do "The Passion Of Christ", "Life of Pi" and the life and times of Adolf Hitler have in common? I have an adoring fascination for all three for one thing - the potential in a human being to be either the Satan of the worst kind, or the noblest gateway to divinity.

To be human is not being either Satanic or Divine, but being both Satanic and Divine - the struggle between the Flesh and the Soul. The human in us can transit the distance between the staunchest belief in destiny to the most dogged skepticism in a matter of seconds. We can get caught in contradictions at every step and we can prove ourselves wrong at every step. Most of the times, we do not even know why we are holding on to what we are holding. If Peter, the Lord's Rock - could be so humanly frail, what a strange experience to be human!

I think we over-emphasise on the term self-confidence a little more than we are privileged to do. We are, for the most part of our lives, laboratory humans - who think and judge under ideal conditions. Expose ourselves to less than ideal conditions, and nine times out of ten, we will do THAT which we never thought we are capable of doing. For, the only thing we can be confident about being human, is the possibility to fail to the pits at every step and the possibility to rise to the clouds at the very next step.... and these possibilities are never apparent, unless we have actually been there.

Living in the present, anybody ?

My first workplace and a couple of other things

2005-04-14T15:09:00.000+05:30

Every first job is probably like a "My first ABC book" or a "My first colouring book". And I guess, it is ok to feel a little nostalgic for once :) I am slowly begining to digest the fact that there is a different world out there waiting for me in just over a couple of months. At the face of it, I can't say that it will be an entirely pleasant experience - quitting my job. Though word is going around in underground circles already, when the news does break out formally, I am expecting a nightmarish avalanche of "Congratulation"s, "That's a great achievement"s and "Great working with you"s to "I will miss having you in my team"s - all the while probably marching me through a boulevard of wallet-crunching treats :(

Mine is a job that has indeed nurtured me through the 22 months of my employment here, which has marked a greater personal growth than any other period so far in my life. Since the day I joined, I have answered the question "Why are YOU here?" a hundred times to people around me and sometimes to myself. I was never sure as to what is exactly meant by that question. Does it mean "Why are you - the one from XYZ college working here?" or "Why are you from - the DEF stream in this line"?

I think the best answer is, at the end of the day - every job is a job, and being where I am, I really liked learning and doing what I do. Probably, the only reason I made it to IIMB was the nature of my job. Once I started talking about what I do at work, there were very few times that they could make me stop :) Coming out of the interview, was when I realised - the enormity of what I have gained. And going by my taste of doing things, I probably got an excellent on-job training on what I will perhaps be doing in an enhanced way for the rest of my life.

Sometimes I have felt that people at my workplace have often bestowed on me more credit than I probably deserved. I was lucky to be at the top of the stack in many things I did, and the exposure that I obtained. Here, I had the unique experience of working for a group - though being a division of an MNC, had a place for its own - in many ways it was an independent entity. For the past few years, my division has been growing and striving to place itself among the other divisions - trying to carve an identity for itself in what it does. There were many times, when I felt that the organization itself was struggling too much for identity and had no place for other concerns. But, retrospectively, that was a boon as far my personal experience goes. Because, I was never in a place where I could sit easy - enjoy the comforts of a fully budgeted project, and take life for granted. It was always a race against time here, always a struggle against people, always interacting and moving around with clients, customers and colleagues and meeting deadlines and resolving issues around the clock. This was also where I first stepped out of my country, on a perfectly non-technical job assignment. This was an ideal non-geek job that demanded a lot of soft skills and it fit very easily on my shoulders.

Yes - I have had my share of unpleasant experiences, seen the ugly internal politics that plague every moderate-sized job place and have had my share of rendezvous with obnoxious people..., and I have done my share of cribbing about things. But with every such experience, I have come out wiser. I even had extremely insightful discussions with my roommates - and we all have come to agree that it is all a part of "Organizational Dynamics" and this is a part and parcel of any kind of a job that involves a little responsibility. Looking back, these incidents have probably taught me, what I should NOT be when I will be a manager.

On a cursory note, this is the place where I started my forays into Wikipedia and blogging. Where at 10 PM on lonely nights, I have churned out lines of poetry and dysfunctionally tried to analyse what is wrong with the rest of the world :) . For a pure thought laboratory, there is nothing like an empty office cubicle with a lone light shining above you, during the night-time with an odd-houred coffee mug by your side and a load of issues to resolve - with nobody around to breath down your neck :)

But, more than anything else, what I have undoubtedly gained is the set of friends I made here. My first mature, adult friendshps with no carry-over balances from the past, and without any fantastic expectations from the future. I met a range of people, who were completely different from the people that I have ever met at school and college. I have been floored by their down-to-earth attitudes, and their different approaches to life - which taught me how personal judgements on people are almost always impossible. How there is always life outside what you have seen. I have come out infinitely humbler by these encounters, and I will be ever-greatful to them. And I have made at least one trusted, close friend, with whom I have shared many things I have never shared with anybody else in my life. I am not sure - if you would be in a position to understand this - but knowing myself, I know what that means. If it is indeed true that one can judge a man by the company he keeps, I guess I am getting pretty good.. :) I know everybody needs to and inevitably would move on, and thinking otherwise would be contradicting myself. But, one part of me does long to keep these strings intact for as long as humanly possible.

I don't know how all this sounds to you people - probably like a customary vote of thanks... and probably it is true that when you want to leave something behind, you prefer to remember the positives. Pretty complex - how your opinions can take shape depending on the situation you find yourself in. But, I have never felt this way about leaving my school or even leaving my college - after having spent 4 years of my life in the middle of a desert in a closed arena of existence.

Something is different this time and something in my heart tells me that this time I am really going to miss this place.

Razor sharp destiny

2005-04-11T11:22:00.000+05:30

Ok, the news first.. I made it to IIMB. And so it goes....

After looking at how my life has gone for the past few years, I will have to admit that living my life so far has been an experience of tap-dancing carelessly on a razor. And as one of my well-wishers would readily agree, whenever there is a 50-50 chance in anything for me - with uncertainties and the factor called "luck" factored in, I somehow fall on the right side of the razor.. Can't explain that, really.

What am I feeling now - relief, hope, numbness, happiness .. curiously melancholic (????) - I don't know - it has been difficult to place what I am feeling these days.

Anyway, one thing I don't feel right now is excitement. Everybody around me is excited for me, happy for me, thrilled for me, nostalgic for me (I am even reading some wonderful things from a friend) - but I don't know, to me it feels like it always does ...

.. like my life is being lived for me - and as if I have a very meagre part to play in all this.

But yes, sitting back - I should slowly prepare for the changes in store. For the priorities that will change.

And to get back to college in a few days...

The fledgling ember - Subramaniya Bharathi

2005-04-08T11:33:00.000+05:30

Aggini Kunju

Aggini Kunjondru Kanden - Adhai
Angoru Kattilor Pondhidai Vaithen
Vendhu Thanindhadhu Kadu - Thazal Veerathil
Kunjendum Moopendrum Undo?
Thatharikita Thatharikita Thithom

- Subramaniya Bharathi

The fledgling ember

A fledgling ember of flame - I found.
And I placed it under a hollow
In a distant wood.
The forest was burnt down to ashes...
Is youth or eld a factor in fieriness?
Thatharikita Thatharikita Thithom

- Subramaniya Bharathi

Thankful...

2005-04-06T19:52:00.000+05:30

I am deeply thankful to Him for today....in ways that I cannot bring myself to express..

Today, is when I probably sealed a lasting friendship, and my turmoils for the last few years seems infinitely lightened...

Will sleep lighter tonight

The Philosopher's Stone

2005-04-06T15:26:00.000+05:30

(Foreword Diverse views in the comments to my last post... But I need to finish what I started to say, so here goes...As is usual with my posts, this is huge! :-) I am not sure if this will or not satisfy H's surmise that I may be looking for a "unified theory of the universe", but I think this comes as a pretty close contender me feels. Nor do I feel this is something very new, but to my thinking, this appears as the best approach to my religion that I can take, at the moment. Willing to discuss more, with inputs from you...)

The one thing that I feel summarises a whole spectrum of Hindu philosophy is - "Living in the present". I have been inspired into thinking about this on various occasions - more recently after reading this and this from a fellow blogger. And the more I thought, the more complex and all-pervasive this truth seems to become.

And I have found this philosophy embodied nowhere else than in Hinduism (and the allied streams of Oriental religions). Hinduism can perhaps be reduced, veritably to a religion of the present - one that does not harp on the "Original Sin" nor promise an "Armageddon" in the future or surmise on the "Judgement Day". It is not a religion of carrots and sticks. Neither does it consider a few the "chosen tribe", nor call for the "infidel"s to be redeemed from certain misery in the future. It is all about the present - now and the near.

Living in the present???...

For a very broad definition, to live in the present would mean to focus the entire essence of your being into the only moment you can be sure about - the moment you are. In the famous brain vat experiment, it has been suggested that it is possible that a human brain be considered as an entity in a vat, in a universe that does not even need something called "time" to be defined. "The memory" in the cells would constitute the past - the fantasies "the future" - but in all reality there is only one moment. In other words, a human being can never be completely sure - even given the fact that all his faculties report accurate results, that his memories hold any value at all. There is no way that a human can actually prove that he is "living through time". Though this is a largely useless piece of intellectual brinkmanship, it serves the limited purpose of bringing us closer to the humble truth - the moment we are in is "truer" than any other we may have been or will be.

The present and Reality...

Living in the present - would mean a greater detachment to the proceedings of the world. In life, we often resemble a leaping horse. We have our hind legs expansively spread over our past, and the head-thrust launched to the future, and we make our present, the space that we always live in - extremely burdensome. We also resemble fallen table lamps. We illuminate everything around ourselves. However, we never illuminate what is underneath our feet. We make for ourselves outer coverings and layers of being and we illuminate them. We frame networks around and we illuminate them.

The fact that I am an engineering graduate and a software engineer illuminates two incidents that happened in the past. One - my graduating out of college and two - my having entered a profession. Thus, arguably we can see that, identities require incidents and incidents require a fixed time-frame to happen. But, since the "absolute present" has zero time, there can be no "incident" in the absolute present and thus no identity that can be framed around the present. The present" is a zero length point in time, something that can be analogized with a point mass in physics. This is highly analogous to the set of Zeno's paradoxes and I believe the solution to the paradox of time and motion is probably a masked solution to life itself.

Of course, there is this valid question of whether one can truly experience a "timeless present", but it would seem as if it is a journey into that state of existence - just as we are able to approximate the condition of pointless masses, with the advent of quantum physics and string theory, the journey into yourself will always approach this condition, though never seeming to reach it. So, in seeking an identity-less Nirvana, what we are probably seeking is to live perennially in the present, or rather a journey on the course to live perennially in the present.

As I understand, the challenge in progressing on the spiritual plane, is to narrow the focus of the table lamp to a lesser and lesser range, until I illuminate and merge into the one point of existence - the perennial present. I am begining to think that this is what "Communion with God" would probably mean and this is what one tries to achieve in meditative systems as the ultimate "merger"

The present and life...

Less challenging will be understanding the "present"ness from an existential perspective. In everyday life, this would amount to reconciling with the problems of life and death. Humankind is a prisoner of its own past. It seeks a continuum of things that happened in the past but which never is. The greatest of threats to human continuum is death. Death smirks and laughs in the face of life's continuity. In one of my previous posts, I had written

" Intelligent life demands and seeks meaning from nature. Nature demands and seeks that life go on - even in apparent meaninglessness".

Now that I think about it, that probably means many things more. "Meaning" in time, would entail the resolution of a spectrum of past to one simple equation that gives a value. Thus, it would seem that to seek "meaning from life" is to take into account a lot of variables spread over the "negative past" and try to arrive at one value - which is never possible simply because the "variables" are never known. The shroud called "Maya" and that dubious old Indian rope trick called "Law of Karma" play the Heisenberg here - effectively hiding one variable as we begin to unravel the other. Which would perhaps mean that we are never "supposed" to know the meaning of "incidents" in life. Which is why letting go of the past has such primal importance in our well-being.

On reconciliation and courage...

Living in the present - also has psychological benefits. When one can live in the present, the first thing he would lose is his frustrations and his set of enemies. If one can forgive and forget oneself, a set of unpleasant incidents and the bunch of adversaries who happened to harm you in the past, there is nothing more medicinal than that. In clinging to the past, one often clings to the ghost of personalities - because the person is often no longer there - he has either moved on or is sometimes dead. Which means, by clinging to the past - we commune with ghosts. If one truly realises that the present is probably the only thing that one could have been at that point, the past comes across as irrelevant and something that can be easily shunned. If the present is all that you can be, and being a normal human being, one has a degree of self-respect and contentment in what you are at the moment, you will probably appreciate the fact that what you were in the past and the people and the incidents that went into making your past performed their exact roles in bringing you here. That would make them players in an elaborate ritual that was enacted to make you - the one at this moment.

Living in the present also suitably answers the problem of approaching moving targets - goals that evolve, relationships that change, roads that have narrowed, and also provides for the fact that you have changed yourself. I often feel that "courage" is a mistaken virtue while bravery is an imposed "derived" (???) virtue - that rides piggyback on courage. We often mistake one for the other. The only courage that any human being can validly claim to possess is the courage to face oneself and identify who he is - without any strings attached. Failure to measure upto this fact leads to people clinging to age-old views and systems, simply because they "identify" not with themselves - but with these beliefs.

You - yesterday has the same relevance as yesterday's newspaper soiled by the next door dog. Can you face up to what you are today? If yes, you are probably on the path to become a Hindu already. Doesn't this fact make Hinduism, the most positive of all faiths? - One that encouarges you to be self-confident, complete and courageous. Can you bring up a better healing approach to life than that?

I had also tried to think on Hinduism's capability to answer Nihilist challenges to religion. I have felt that Hinduism (and the other Oriental derivatives) are the only ones that can answer Nietzsche's "Gott ist tot" ...and the prime reason for this, I feel is the dynamism of the religion - the refusal to cling to a retrospective mindset that is prevalent in the Oriental religions. Nietzsche was continuously obsessed with the question of rejection of the concepts of good and evil, as also in his rejection of the importance of "God" in everday lives. His "Ubermensch" (Superman) concept was more to do with the question of an individual persevering on his own towards progress, without dependence on a carrot and stick "slave morality" from a greater God. Hinduism, having the temerity to promote the individual on his courageous evolution to the truth and the ability to face changes as they come, and in its non-insistence on "One Greater Unapproachable Jealous God" has the ability to answer Nietszche in his face.

On stagnation..

We may also see how "not living in the present" leads to stganation and hence pollution. As my favorite example, I would take the Varnashrama system. To this date, I am dismayed - in fact - disgusted is the right word, that I have Brahmin friends of mine, who with esoteric texts, quote the supremacy of the Varnashrama system. After years of suppression of the lesser castes, after having exposed everything about empty rituals that have lost their meanings, after having surrendered to bleak materialism in the "Brahmin" way of life - there are still people who cannot reconcile that all that has been irreversibly brought to the earth with an enormous thud.

I have friends who keep surmising no end, as to how Varnashrama would have solved the problems of today's life, but also as a contradiction, they seem to rue the fact that Brahmins are now at the butt-end of the social system today - for example, through reservations. The very fact that Varnashrama system is no longer in forceful vogue today, proves the fallacy of that system. If Brahmins were to chant Vedas and follow the Agamic rituals, why is my friend bothered about reservations in the engineering colleges? The self-contradictions in the middle-class Brahminic way of thinking are bye-products of the same "prisoner-of-the-past-mentality". These people are not able to escape the "ghosts of the past" - since, the past had some inherent advantages which they enjoyed - having the cake and eating it too...!! Now, it can also be argued from the other end, that it is in fact the so-called "lower castes" who have to let go of the past and allow the society to progress in tandem. This is just another viciously cycled dog-fight. Who will let go of this mentality first?

What we see as "Hinduism" today is the stagnated remains of a great flowing river that once was. The stagnation is caused by people all around it who are simply not willing to evolve. It is always the stagnant water that can be polluted. A dynamic, flowing river is always clean. When one of you suggested in the comments to my last post that it was never possible to separate the "socio-religious" aspects of Hinduism, I feel the social aspects of Hinduism have their roots in the periodic stagnations of the mighty river - which became pockets by themselves. To each of these pockets, there emerges a philosophy and a leader and a few scriptures.. We are looking at these fringe pockets - when we talk of contemporary Hinduism - when the river itself hath flown past miles.....

The Precise Role of the Past...

Of course, it is not that simple to reject past - as a completely useless junk. Past often has personal lessons and teachings - which needs to be learnt, adopted and carried for one's benefit. Rejection of the past does not mean that we live different lives at every moment. With some common sense, it can be seen that it only means that a constant recalibration is necessary at various times, to suit the incidents of the past to realities of the present - and this is where discernment is required. Which is why Hinduism is a religion that focusses much on the thinking aspect. This process of perfection of recalibration and re-assessment of the past vs the present is as one of you suggested "highly personal and intimate". and it is this process that contributes to the changing values, conscience and identity of an individual. And with a hundred evolving individuals, we have an evolving society. This is where we really tackle the social problems.

It is the same concept that leads to spiritual evolution. If one can see that evolution means change, and change means letting go of the past and focussing on the present, one can see how "spiritual evolution" that is so talked about in Hinduism is nothing but a highly perfected distilled concept that has its premise in the "Present"ist approach to life. Thus, amazingly this philosopher's stone called "Living in the present" strikes gold wherever you touch and go - at whatever level of existence - that you would prefer to adopt it. And by adopting it, one automatically is urged to move to the higher levels of thinking and thus, this does not lead to the crystallization at any given level.

I am not well versed with JK - apart from a few readings here and there - but this one is straight from the Wikipedia article that would aptly end this post.

"Thought is time. Thought is born of experience and knowledge, which are inseparable from time and the past. Time is the psychological enemy of man. Our action is based on knowledge and therefore time, so man is always a slave to the past. Thought is ever-limited and so we live in constant conflict and struggle. There is no psychological evolution.

When man becomes aware of the movement of his own thoughts, he will see
the division between the thinker and thought, the observer and the observed, the
experiencer and the experience. He will discover that this division is an illusion. Then only is there pure observation which is insight without any shadow of the past or of time. This timeless insight brings about a deep, radical mutation in the mind."

My complete case on - what ails my religion

2005-04-05T11:15:00.000+05:30

Foreword - Since the case is more or less complete - this is going to be a pain for you to read. Nevertheless - hoping to deliver my case - one final time....

For the most part of the last two years, I have been a sceptic questioner as far as Hinduism goes. And, at least one of my good friends has been known to be quite peeved that I have always handpicked Hinduism for criticism and I conveniently looked the other way as far as other religions are concerned when I criticise.

I was always unsure on how to answer that - mostly because I knew there was an answer at the back of my mind, but could never verbalise it into a thought stream. Having thought about this for so long, I think probably I am obsessed with Hinduism - the same way Shakuni was obsessed with Lord Krishna. I know there are frustrations for me, I know that there will always be battles for me to fight, but I also know that ultimately the answer to a lot of questions - I will find in the folds of Hinduism. There were two people in the whole of Mahabharata who are said to have reached Lord Krishna's feet earlier than the rest - Kunti and Shakuni, simply because they were the only two on whose minds Krishna was ever-present. I cannot be a Kunti, because I am unfortunately an individual with an average discerning mind and I cannot stomach what I cannot. I can afford to be a Shakuni however...

I admire Christian teachings, and I often think of The Bible as having better practical value than The Bhagavad Gita to the modern mind. A human Christ, who lived and suffered a human life, and was subjected to human temptations and betrayals and finally persevered on the cross, holds to me a deeper significance as a role model to follow. Unfortunately, try as I may, I cannot find an equivalent in my own religion.

However, Christ was not a Christian just as Buddha was not a Buddhist. Jiddu Krishnamurthy probably nailed the problem when he said that "an organization" seldom leads to "The Truth - The Pathless Land". Crystallization of beliefs sounds the death-knell for the spiritual purpose of religions. With the crsytallization, comes the need for defence. Religions become identities to fight for, and it is exactly this aspect that repels me against many religions.

It would seem as if Hinduism has done quite well to, more or less, escape this curse of crystallization and remain the soup of possibilies. An ocean which contained among itself lots of missing pieces, that will solve the puzzle of life. When other religions branded one complete jigsaw puzzle, and gave to the world, Hinduism always presented the primordial soup in which you sink in, fish the pieces out for yourself and put them together as you see fit.

Hinduism bluntly put, lacks focus. It is not meant to be a missile to strike parts of the earth with; it cannot suddenly launch crusade onto a peninsula and make a million believers. But what it can do is, to seep through iron walls very subtly and silently. Sometimes, it can be refined thoroughly and become Buddhism, Jainism or Zen Buddhism. But then, it can also seep into caverns and canals, collect garbage and stink horribly.

Hinduism, being open as it is meant to be, is not meant to be preached, or read, or called upon. It is not a religion you can convert to - in the normal sense of the word. It is an endless stream of plastic which gets moulded as the moulder pleases. Anything can be Hindu. And nothing can be Hindu. Hindu is sometimes a man, sometimes a culture, sometimes a nation, sometimes an expletive, sometimes a matter of pride, shame and sometimes all of the above. To surprisingly many around the world, it is a language that we speak (As one of my British acquaintances asked me once during my trip to the UK - "Oh, so you must speak Hindu and you are a Hindi right?" :))... Hindus also mean colonial bandits, snake charmers, Yogic mystics, Hippie culture, Hare Krishna, George Harrison or a Mahahrishi Mahesh Yogi.

But, I had begun to think that Hinduism is fraught with more dangers today than ever before. As an Oriental proverb suggests -

"As long as you see before you a worthy warrior, you have a winning chance. The
moment you see an enemy, you can only lose".

The scourge of Hinduism today is the urge for an identity - a plague that has been effected by the need for the modern man to solidify himself as an individual entity and fight for a living space. When an identity is forged, as any Orwellian classic would tell you, as would any anthropologist, comes the need to frame an enemy. And so today, the upper-caste Hindu India needs a Muslim Pakistan to revile against, an Ayodhya Mandir to fight for, reservations to fight against, blind rituals to steadfastly cling to, missionaries to hate, lynch and burn, conversions to be paranoid about, as also to put a Gujarat against a Godhra on the balance of justice. The lower-caste/Dalit/Secular spectral Hindu camp also needs the same symbols to fight against on the other side of the fence. Identity and adversary - the twin catalysts for crystallization. And with crystallization, nears Death. To be a Hindu today, more often than not, is to be confused about things yourself, be ignorant, egoistic or both and confuse a lot of others as well.

Hindus that I live with - take immense pride in the fact that Hinduism is a way of life, it is not a religion by itself, in the fact that Hinduism is esoteric, in that Hinduism is mystical and complex and needs intellectual analysis and years of study and practice.

"Christianity did you say? Oh! How drawlingly simple! Islam? How violently narrow! But, Hinduism... you are never going to master Hinduism... do you know how vast my religion is? "

When I was in class 3, I used to be proud of the fact that I was learning about LCM and HCF - because that was the time when I thought abbreviations were great by themselves, something grandiose like the UNO or the UNICEF. When I was in Class 5, it gave me immense pleasure to substitute chemical symbols for compounds - O2 for Oxygen, and CO2 for Carbon-di-oxide. When I was in Class 9, I was happy that I could finally drivel about Sine Thetas and Cosine Thetas, which sounded profoundly scientific. I believe our pride in Hinduism is of this kind. We are proud about things because we don't understand them. And we belittle simple truths, though these are what we are in dire need of.

I sometimes think, every Hindu (at least the kinds I talked about) should study The Bible first, as that would make them better Hindus. In being a Hindu, also comes the essential need to think a bit on your own and to have the courage to brave the masses and the juggernaut and have the conviction to reject what you cannot accept. That puts people like me in a rather dubious position, because when we try to question and analyse Hinduism - the belief system, we also have to tackle other crystallizations of Hinduism namely

Hinduism - the establishment and the Gurudom
Hinduism - the Agamic system (rituals and superstitions)
Hinduism - the social context and the political arena

which are scarcely our concern. Unfortunately , what I have tried to argue for and repeatedly failed to drive home is my point that my concern with Hinduism is simply to divert the entire focus from the above three to something beyond. None of the above three crystals of Hinduism, as far as I would go, has anything to do with Hindu philosophy.

When a religion begins to directly assualt social problems as targets, that is probably when it is time to quit that religion. Permanent social change, is never brought upon by a set of preachers or a set of activists, but only by the individual atoms in the society changing. This is not to negate the influence of religion in a society, but to advance the theory that any religion is effective in a society only by influencing the individuals who make up the society...

An individual is the playgound for religion, never the society directly. As long as a religion cannot change one person for the better in his living, it is useless as a means for societal change. For an example, take the various confrontations between the Church and the State in ancient Europe. With every authoritarian Pope, Christianity took one step back. That is what happens when a religion starts to focus away from the individual and begins to play a public, societal role. This is indeed why, Zen Buddhism still holds a privileged sacred aura to it and attracts seekers. Catholics may outnumber Zen Budhists by scores, but the success of a belief system does not lie in numbers....We also have at least three billion people in capitalist systems in the world.. That doesn't really make Money a God - does it? Hence my belief in a great truth - "The greatest miracle in the world - is that of human transformation".

Missionaries are extremely effective in this. Contrary to what many people believe, money alone cannot make a believer out of any human. It is the sense of well-being and the feeling of a sense of redemption and love in their wretched lives, that is more responsible. Naturally, people flock to where they can find them. If Gladys Steines and Mother Teresa can move the entire world, with a lifetime of sacrifice and suffering among the lepers and the diseased, all that the neo-Hindu would do, is to implant sleazy stories on how the Steines were actually in the country with an ulterior motive, and how Mother was just another power-hungry missionary. The tribes of the North-East or Orissa were never the concern of the neo-Hindu, until news reaches that they are being converted. Nothing whatsoever, was done to alleviate their suffering for decades, until one fine morning, they represented a national epidemic. To this day, my blood boils at the thought of two innocent children burnt alive in a vehicle, in the name of my religion. How can I continue to face myself, if this is what my religion has come to?

Now comes the crucial question. Is there hope for Hinduism today? The questioner in me doubted it for so long. However, I have come to realise that there is one philosophy that can subtly summarise the spectrum of Hindu beliefs and yet not reduce it to the dreaded crystalline fate. That which sparkles like a fine-cut diamond, which when applied to any concept or a problem in life, acts like a philosopher's stone and strikes gold.

I will speculate on that in the next post...

An Encounter of the farcical kind...

2005-04-04T16:59:00.000+05:30

I would'nt flatter myself as eye-catchingly attractive (though a few would describe me as a really wise John Wayne with the sophistication of a Pierce Brosnan).. and hence, I request readers for some commiseration after reading this post :-(

Ok, If you are in Bangalore - and are in the habit of hanging around Landmark during weekends... this is the second warning you will get in the Blogsphere.

Read about the first one here.

The second happened this Saturday. So, I was prowling on the drama section on this rather busy evening. And this slightly over-weight, mildly balding man in his 30s - crawls near me. (In retrospect, I also begin to notice a slightly overgrown front teeth). He comes up with a really wierd ice-breaker (was there any ice in the first place)? :

"Nice Shirt"

Turns out that I was wearing a dirty blue one left over from last Friday - coz I was too lazy to do my cleaning this weekend. That and the shirt being a shade undersized for me, and also for the fact that it had a logo of my company boldly over the right side - suppressed any kind of smile that I could have made up for the moment.

"Umm.. Thanks. Its my company shirt"

"Oh really.. Which company?"

Right about this point is when I was reminded of Wilde Vogel's post. (Relinking - just in case you have put away reading that yet...)

"XYZ."

"Is XYZ into telecom ?"

If you are in the IT industry, that is like asking "Is Clint Eastwood in the race for Papacy?"

"Nope. You know - we are into lots of products and services..."

Then the dreaded introduction comes..

"Oh! I am D from HGI"

Shake hands... Ok. Let me admit... I was a little - ahem - "shaken" - now! I have told you about dogs, insecurities and stuff.. Queerness beats them all.. Now, I definitely know it is the same guy that I read about. History repeats itself. The tragedy half was taken. I only have farce to express - when it is my turn to narrate the same incident... With all these thoughts vaguely dissipating on my mind...

.... I managed to pick something from the nearest bookshelf, which I did not intend to buy and just about to walk off to the cash counter, when the next bombshell comes right at me..

"So are you from Bangalore?"

The brief five-second terror subsides and now I am really begining to get irritated.

"No"

"So where is your native place ?"

"South"

"South? Which means Andhra, Karnataka, Tamil Nadu..?"

"Tamil Nadu"

Then comes the three word reply in Tamil - "Nanum tamil thaan" (I too am a Tamilian)...

Damn! How I regret not having said "Madagascar" or something!

Having more or less confirmed what is in store next, the five second terror is brought back from the mind cupboard, adrenalin turned into an emergency flow, all sense of proprity, egoism, manners and "fear-of-looking-very-awkward"ness safely locked away - my mind is now acutely alert - flashing danger signs like somebody high on LSD or something...

I knew that I was in danger of losing my wallet, my chastity or my citizenship or perhaps an assortment of all three and once I knew that many things went blank...

I remember uttering a "Uh" that should have sounded somewhere between a disinterested "Oh" and a blood-curdling "Aah" and also with some elements of "Yikes" added for flavour and - Thanks to ZZ - who by an amazing act of divine condescencion - showed up and - I marched to the cash counter - without a glance backwards.

Just in case, you are searching for a copy of "Hayavadana" - you might find one in the history shelf - dropped by yours truly - who did not have enough courage to walk back to the drama section to put it back....

Something really strange is brewing. Need to know what. Before all you people start sniggering, read the first line again.

Cloud Atlas

2005-04-01T12:13:00.000+05:30

Of course, the first thing I need to talk about is the structure. This is a novel with six hierarchically pocketed stories - each referencing the other with links that are sometimes very strong, and sometimes insubstantially weak. There is a crescendo phase to the presentation of the stories which gradually builds up interest, and every story except the core is split into half and you get to read the first half of each as you go up and the second half as you come down in the decrescendo phase.

The first story is a travel journal by an American notary in the deep Pacific in the mid 1850s. The language is distinctly Melvillesque and righteously Christian.
The second is an epistolary tale of a young composer in the 1930s who works as an apprentice to a musical genius - in a series of letters to his bisexual friend. As the author himself acknowledges, the tone and tenor draws heavy inspiration from Nietzsche.
The third is a standard pulp thriller from the 1970s - (in fact it is actually a pulp thriller - if you know what I mean) and was decidedly the most irritating of the set. Probably that was intentional - because the next in the series that links to this story - makes some hilarious observations on the publishing industry - and hence this one wins a retrospective reprieve.
The fourth is a delightful piece of black comedy - set around the turn of the century... Perhaps best described as Woody Allen's version of "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's nest".
The fifth is an Arthur C Clarke attempt. This is the part where finally you begin to make a little sense of what is going on. But, felt this drawls too much and a little too pretentious.
The sixth - the core of the story - which is perhaps the "truest" of them all - is the best of all. It begins the demystification of the other five in the set, and quite remarkably - it is a story of demystification itself.

David Mitchell, in the course of the crescendo phase flashes before you at least a dozen loose threads - and you are left wondering till you finish the core of the book - as to what exactly is the point of the book. Somewhere around the part where you come to the central story in the book, your mind is already clogged with too many stack points to refer back to, a dozen cross-references per page - and you begin to waver on this and that, trying to figure out the hidden allegories and all that. There are confusing insinuations at reincarnation and history cycles.

So, it is very important that you last the roller-coaster ride in the first 250 pages, if you want to finish the book in the first place. And the book - though by itself not "difficult" throws considerable challenges to readers unfamiliar with the above-mentioned genres.

However, Mitchell so cleverly envelopes the set of stories that - though the "truest story" is finished by the middle of the book, you still are left with these loose threads that divert your attention from this fact and as you descend, you begin to look forward to see them tied at appropriate places in the fabric. It is no mean feat that Mitchell preserves the message of the book to the last line.

Now to the theme. The book is strongly about fatalism and pre-determination and the illusion of free-will. It is also subtly against activism of any kind - and shows how the ocean though being a multitude of drops - is more than the sum of the individual drops and trying to bring order to chaos is probably against the spirit of natural order. It shows how progress on the path to destruction or civilization is a self-fulfilling prophecy and how when the juggernaut keeps moving, with every attempt to stop it, there seems to be an ironic additional impetus which accelerates its pace.

The book is fatalist. But, strangely I felt it is- "optimistically fatalist" - because of the way it justifies belief. The first of the set that also ends the novel - tells you why you should be a fatalist. The core of the book (sixth) tells you why you could still be an optimistic fatalist - even with a set of absurd beliefs. The path from the first to the sixth details the various responses to the juggernaut that can be offered by an individual - and how - with due respect to the time period of the story - it succeeds or fails. The random nature of the successes and failures is an additional level to the mystery...

The ultimate message is something that relates to my own belief in free-will. A mish-mash of determinism and free will which still makes sense - not by words and through narrow case studies - but by witnessing a broad cycle of history. This is probably why I loved the book. Unfortunately, I can't afford a further exposition on this - at the moment without spoiling the book any more... I would leave further dissections to you as you read it. Of course, would love to hear about your opinions.

The book has a few inevitable flaws. Since, the author is clever with his structure, he cannot afford to be stupid and human at many significant points. He has to play the greater player in the reader-writer engagement. He is sometimes taken over by his own style and the urge to keep it going. There is an oft-berated (courtesy Amazon discussion forum) "imposed ventriloquism". Though the structure is a major eye-catcher, the effort that went into maintain the structure is sometimes clumsy and slightly infuriating.

Overall - Highly Recommended.

Kids say the darndest things...

2005-03-31T10:19:00.000+05:30

A Christian friend of mine was talking about this kid she met in her Easter gathering.

The kid to his dad - "Dad, Why did God make the sun?"

Dad - "Son, To give light to all of humanity and to make life possible on earth."

Kid - "Dad, then - why did he make the moon?"

Dad - "At night, when there is no sun, moon gives light for people to see things. That is why"

Kid - "Ok, Dad - Why did God make Jupiter and Mars?"

"hmmm...."

Reminds of smething my dad swears I asked him when I was a kid...

"Appa, why does the Sun God have seven horses tied to his chariot?"

"Each horse stands for a day of the week da. The first is Sunday, the second is Monday and so on..."

"Then there should be only six horses, right? Because Sunday is already represented by the Sun God who is riding the horses"

Again appropriately "hmm..."

I now realise, somewhere down the line was this moment I missed - when I stopped being a smart ass kid and became the dumb uneasy adult that I am. One thing my parents never told me was - how soon you would become an adult and be stumped by questions from kids.
Probably, they didn't figure that out themselves...

I am fully convinced these days that I would have a hell lot more trouble explaining Ramayana and Mahabharata to my kids ;-)

In 'dog' trinated

2005-03-28T20:35:00.000+05:30

Bangalore is notorious for street dogs - and if you are a hapless traveller on the city roads after 10 PM, you are in trouble... buddy. It is as if the Canine Law Enforcement Brigade has declared a curfew on all human trafficking between 10 PM in the eveing to 7AM in the morning. That is the time-share agreement - unilaterally imposed by the caninity. Believe me - city dogs are wildly deceptive creatures. The lean skeletal, flea-infested, smelly meek things that you see ogling at tea shops and poking their dirty noses inside dust-bins, getting pelted upon with stones by urchins during the day-time enter a different dimension of existence when the dusk falls.

You would have never thought that there were so many dogs in your neighbourhood until they arrive in packs and take their positions at every street corner and join in their nightly rock escapades. Typically, one starts howling at 10 PM and the other 3KM away, would respond, and soon a hundred different creatures at various stages of nostalgic remembrance would pay homage to their wolfish ancestors. The sound of a street dog howling (not barking) at close quarters is the eeriest sound that can fall upon a city-bred. And once the positions were taken, any trespasser better freeze and turn away. It is clear and present danger.

Since my childhood, I have had quite a tempestuous relationship with dogs. I dont know what the dogdom have against me, or whether I earned their wrath in any of my past lives - may be I was a dog meat peddler in China or may be I was a Labrador Eskimo who tortured his mountain dogs..... dogs and I never saw eye to eye... Ok Ok, I admit.... rather, I never dared to see any dog in its eye. My earliest encounter with a dog goes back to the time I was playing cricket at one of my school buddies' home. The compound had a peculiar structure with a three-storey building at the centre of the compound surrounded by a fifteen feet wide space on all four sides. On the other side of this space were lined house quarters. Imagine, the space as a city street built around an edifice. South Indians would immediately get the picture if you can picturise big temples like the ones in Madurai or Tirupati and the "Mada streets" lined with houses on the other side.

My friend's house was located among the house quarters. And while we were playing on a late afternoon, one enterprising young man decided to take his bull-dog and his smaller dachshund thing for a stroll. The bull dog was particularly menacing with huge cheeks and salivating jaws. All my pals got to a point at a safe distance from the approaching beast. I was unable to make my exit very quickly and I was trapped between the beast and the building. I decided to play safe and get around the building through the other side so as to make a full circle and get into my pal's house. But, panic shows very early and dogs - especially can smell panic or what! To my horror, I started running involuntarily and at quite a pace. Running at a feverish pace, my heart skipped at least half a dozen beats when I thought I heard a creature following me. Against all warnings signalled by various chemicals in my blood stream - I ventured to look back and to my horror - running at top speed and out of control at me was ---- not the bull dog but the dachshund!!!!!! I ran like I never ran before in my life - and to my utter despair, I missed the door of the house when I came a full circle. I kept running a second time, this time keeping my eye on the bull dog - becuase the worst possible scenario would be to disturb the wrath of the silent beast - which then would be under no obligation to ignore me. The only worst thing than a dachshund chasing a panicky idiot was a dachsund and a bulldog chasing the panicky idiot.

Though I succeeded in evading the bulldog's active span of attention, I made the cardinal error of losing touch with my original enemy which veered around my legs and came to a screeching halt and started chasing me in the reverse direction. On I went, at the tethers of my pace in the reverse direction - and luckily I found the door this time at an enormous distance of 30 feet away. I ran in at nearly a 100 miles per hour and rammed staright into the kithcen which faced the door, banged my head against the kithcen loft and fell flat on the floor. Only then, was I aware that my friends and my pal's parents and the dog owner were pitching at me all the time - "Stop running. Just freeze." You dont hear things like that when your entire life and your mortal existence is at such a peril. For the 100 seconds or so that I was at my athletic best - there was me and there was the dog and there was the door of the house....Everything else about the 100 seconds on flight was lost to history. Try as I could, massaging my swollen temple with a cube of ice, I could not remember anything else about the time I was flying! Since then, it was a virtual ceasefire between me and the dog world - and I have never felt anything but raw fear for them, and having proved their point - dogs had learnt to give me that cold, mean woofs - and that would be enough to put me off.

But, the past year has been remarkable in the history of Woodworm - canine relationships. It first had to do with a Tibetan terrier (not a pure-bred) which lived downstairs at my first residence. It was a huge grown thing, and menacingly fierce to strangers. But, over the time we spent at the place, my sense of alarm at the dog grew into a mutual respect for the privacy of the two. The dog kindly stopped frightening me at odd times, and learnt to ignore me after a period of a month or so. The terrier lost a bit of its compsoure after it bred a dozen puppies - all of which were sold out by the owner. It was never the same again, and after some time, its miserable condition was enough to melt my fear a bit. It also began to smell because the mean owners never cared to give it a wash. The last I saw of the beast was in June, and I hope it is still pulling along..

The next one was with this rather curious looking dog that prowls the residential area near my office building. One late night, as I was walking back from work - this malformed dog approached me and started twiddling around my feet. I did not really know what was the cause of this new-found affection. But, it travelled a distance of nearly a kilometre, even crossing a highway by-pass with me. It was later that I realised that the dog was out of its pack - and was being eyed by all other canine beasts from the bush. It seemed to cling to me for protection as it crossed the road. Somehow, this behaviour was both incredible and somehow a little pitysome at the same time. I did escort it safely till the end of my street - where it got a nasty shock of meeting a hound of fifteen bitches and beasts on a high. What followed must have woken up my entire street. But, a couple of stones and a couple of biscuits later, the poor wretch made its safe passage. To this day, the dog recognises me on my way back and skips around my foot at least a 100 m every night when I walk back.

Dogs make easy friends... Dogs make loyal friends. But, often dogs make tragic friendships... It is often remarked that - one should never gift a growing child a full-grown pup, as it is deemed certain that the first death that the child would know - would be of the dog. And nay worry, I am still not anywhere near going for a dog in the near future....

Probably the terrier and the malformed one have passed the word around that I am not worth being barked at - coz I manage to hop home without a bother these days. Oh except for that malformed one skipping around my legs at night.. and for that Alsatian next door that is at is loudest when I reach home, and that one near my house-gate that skips to life scaring the shit out of me everyday when I open my gate ... and...

These are dog days indeed....

Rage against the dying of the light

2005-03-18T12:45:00.000+05:30

I have vivid dreams of dying...

I will be with bloodshot eyes,
Trembling from head to foot
Bare bodied and with dishevelled hair
Heaving chest and warm sweat...
Standing atop a hill
Looking down at the world...

My breathing will be mixed
With my arduous moans...
And expressions of my bursting self.
My veins would bristle with madness and blood
Pumped by my detonating heart
And my flushed face
Be contorted by my pursed lips....
My heat would melt the land and dry the seas...

And then it happens....

I'd collect my innumerable
Frustrations and Desperations
Would dig out my melancholy
And guilt
Roll them into a huge monstrous ball of gloom
And I will leech out my misfortunes
And humiliations and self-important hypocrisies
I will pump on their growing mass
And be stoned and suck in
All my material worth

I will then recall my
Countless nights in insecurity
Self-pity and phobias
And wretched belittlings
And the unheard emotions and fears
And these would erupt from
Beneath my feet and boil the earth

And then like a bellowing apocalypse
My cry will reach the heavens
And I will then pack them all up
Into my focussed fist

And in one enormous punch
I knock out the universe
And I explode with it...

... And that is how I die

A recipe for a happy poem

2005-03-12T11:21:00.000+05:30

I want to make a happy poem today,
A poem that will solve everything...
I am tired of poems that roar
I am tired of poems that cry
Sick and tired of poems that are benumbing

Let me choose a happy subject,
Flowers in the rain,
Lovers hand in hand,
God and mercy and the infinitude
Hope and promise
Messianic messages
Ok, two ounces of each...

To play to the audience,
I will garnish it with a few
Alliterations and oxymorons
To cater to the critics,
I will add a pellet of imagery.

To fox people out of thir wits,
I will stealthily deny myself.
Will pull a few legs,
Be very cunning and enact a few coups
And make my life seem very rosy.

But wandering seeker,
Split my poem,
As she split the lark
And you will find me...
Gush after Gush.

In scarlet experiments,
Someday sceptic Thomases
May stop and cease doubting
That it is indeed true....
That there can never be poetry
Without pain.

On Being asked to explain political beliefs

2005-03-08T12:03:00.000+05:30

Right is where your lockers lie...
Where you keep your Bible Higher than the rest...
Where on the altar of God
You clean candlesticks with sweat and blood.
On whose branded plates
Are hypothecated
The jewels of everyday life...
Right denotes dexterity,
Connivance, Sleight.
Right is where might lies.
Right is what morbid fantasies
Churn out...
Right is how the cathedral smelt
When they washed it of Beckett's blood.
Right is how the mind and the screw turn
Under twisted brutality
Right limits
And divides and rules.
Right is where judgement lies.
Thats really why
It is called the Right!
Right is boisterous, prosaic
Prophetic, cold and icy.
Right is frozen stillness;
Right is where definition lies.
Right is Modus Ponens,
Right is Papacy, Right is Bush,
Right is cake against the bread,
Sensex against the Tsunami.
Right represents dead life.
Right is the infinite mercy of God
Undeservedly falling on slush.

Left is on the roadside,
Left is unclean.
Left is gauche, heretic,
Debauched, Judged.
Left is rough and fused.
Left is where the heart lies.
Left goes on forever,
Left is the orgasmically beating
Huddle of masses
A step away from the gallows.
Left is the defiant grass on
A volcanic island.
Left is Satanic blasphemy,
Intellectual gizmo,
Left is maternity -
The motherhood of souls...
Left is subtle, emotional.
Left is painful. Left is tearful.
Left is Galileo, Left is Kurt Gödel,
Nikolai Gogol.
Left is poetry.
Left is arrogant obedience.
Left is a gushing cascade.
The left bursts and then seeps
And subsides.
Left is proof by contradiction.
Like the killer waves
Left is infinite, humble and
Unbearably monstrous.
Left represents the living dead.
Left is in hitting
Back at a merciful God
With a thunderbolt of denial.

Tragically my friend,
the world always spins
From left to right...

Creepers

2005-03-07T14:48:00.000+05:30

Ok, I am not the most socially affable person on earth. But, there are some really, really creepy characters around me... from work and otherwise who solace me in times of trouble by saying "Dude, you aren't as bad as that!!!"

Here are a few...

a) "Sir Grin-a-lot" - The guy from work who always has a wide grin on his face. The problem in dealing with this fellow is, he keeps making eye contact with everybody around as he passes by. Most of the time, he has company and he is animatedly talking about something to the other person - but his eye is on you. You don't know whether to smile, to stare back, look down or turn back. And when you indeed smile, you don't know whether to feel stupid that his grin didnt get any wider, his eyebrows any more raised, or that you failed to notice any apparent nod on his head. The worst part is when you have to answer to somebody near you when they ask "Who are you gesturing to?" aaaaargh..

b) "Mr. Know-me-not-but-let-us-pretend-we-are-great-blokes" guy - You won't hear from him for 10 months at a stretch. He is absolutely secretive about his life and you would have no clue - if he is living, working in the same town as you. You would barely know anything about him. But, out of the blue - he would call you on some weekend and would suddenly remember that we were great blokes all along - and gang up with you for lunch. At lunch, there is a great talk of "How "WE" never have time together", "How "HE" never gets invited etc etc..." and "How WE can do things according to his plans and enjoy life" And then he begins to ask loooots of personal questions, and make a lot of opinions on them, give advices on leading a "hygienic" living etc. It used to be annoying earlier, but now I would say that the correct word for our reaction is "bemused". You try to indicate to him slyly that he is really not supposed to bothered about the nitty-gritty details of how another person leads his life and his face would go cross - so cross that it would somehow make it seem to the world around that he has been offended grievously. And the moment you say "Dude, we dont really feel like going to the movie you suggested. Can we go to the coffee house instead? That can be fun too" - you would be speaking to the wall, because he is already a kilometre away. That's coz, for him, "fun" is what he defines and dictates to the group....

c) "Mr. Old-man-upstairs" - That's my landlord. He has that eagle-eyed look on his face and whenever you pass him by, he gives this strange twitch of a smile like a vulture gives before pecking on its prey (some people say that - when a vulture does that - it means "I am going to peck your innards"). We suspect that he is the "real" Mr. Q of the MI6. Reputation has it that he is well-versed in radio-aided espionage. Now, ten months into our stay here, we are still not sure if our house isn't bugged. Now, our house should be one of the most electromagnetically active places in Bangalore. Strange things happen here... Your mobile provider would give you a full signal 6 feet outside our gate - but cross the Lakshman Rekha and the signal goes down to zero. Our television set shows some wierd patterns on the corners of our screen at wierd times - as if the CRT inside is pulled by some invisible force to one side and horror of horrors, once our almirah metal casing started voicing FM radio. And - somehow the man above seems to know everything about what is being talked about downstairs. And today morning, when I kinda loudly announced something quite unflattering abaout him, and I stepped out and - may the devil take me ! - there he stands next to our door with a wicked, mean look in his face.. Oops...!!!!!

d) "Mr. Telemarketer"

Mr. Telemarketer: "Good morning, sir. Am I talking to Mr. Woodworm"?
Me: Yes...??
T: I am calling from blah-blah Insurance. Sorry for intruding on your precious time. Can I talk to you for a few minutes?"
Me : No, I really don't think you are sorry for calling me on a Monday morning....
T: Sir, just two minutes...You see.. blah blah blah.. pension savings.. blah blah blah.. Section 88.. blah blah.. money for nothing.. blah blah.. Money Money Money blah blah...
Me: Ok, I am not interested. My financial planning for this year has been made. Can you call me next year?
T: Oh, ok... I will call you next month.
Me: No.. next year!!!! I don't plan to revisit my options for one year, as I have submitted my investment proofs to IT department...
T: Ok, sir. Can I have your personal address, date of birth, criminal records, credit card number, salary details, bank account balance, details of your voting pattern and your sexual preferences?
Me: No, no way! Why would I give you that?
T: Sir, this is for a free membership to blah blah blah and blah blah blah..
Me: Sorry, I am not interested in that too..
T: Oh, Ok. Can you please refer any friends' phone numbers, mobile numbers etc etc etc... Me: No, I can't do that. That's really unethical of you to ask me that. Did you read the newspaper reports regarding the SC ruling on unsolicited calls. I don't appreciate these calls on my mobile...
T: Yeah, right. Ok sir, sorry for the trouble, speak to you next month.

The creepiest part of it comes when you hang up and the guy next to me says "Dude, you give them too much information to talk about." Eh?

e) "Miss. mobile service Feedback" :

MSF: "Good day Sir. I am calling from Talk-to-my-hand mobile and we see that you
have been with us for the last six months. We want to take a survey at this point - to get your valuable feedback.
Me: Oh, Thanks. You see, I have been getting these wierd telemarketing SMSes on my mobile - and I would like to turn that off...
MSF: Oh, please dial 121 and talk to our customer care rep about that..
Me: Ok, and then sometimes - I get these irritating calls at 3 AM in the morning, and when I pick the call there is an automated telemarketing message.
MSF: Oh, please dial 553 and talk to our telemarketing rep...
Me: Ok, and my last bill had some discrepancies and when I tried to contact your sales office, they asked me to pay the bill and take it up with Customer care.. I did and I was promised that they would take a look, and I havent received a response after 15 days..
MSF: Oh, you can continue talking to our rep. In case of difficulties, you can file a letter, send an email, call our mobile rep, and then contact our office to validate that we recieved all three messages and ask for a follow up call, after which we will do a personal verification and call you back at the earliest. If you don't get a respsonse in
the next ten days, you can dial 12121 and contact the city customer escalation
contact and file a complaint giving the exact problem statement, and PTO..Turn
to Page 3 if the customer gets really pushy.. Oops! can I put you on hold for a
minute, sir?
Me: Okay?
MSF: Sorry for putting you on hold, sir.
Then, you have to furnish the names of people you talked to, square root of pi closest to fifteen decimal places, the proof to Fermat's theorem, the answer to the meaning of life. If this is done in the next 30 days, the billing can be
reversed.
Me :Oh...

Can't remember the rest of the conversation exactly. But, I can swear that shethanked me for the feedback said something about "continung the experience"...!

f) "Mr. God-made-humans-in-Schumi's-image" - This guy from work has a strange disease. From March to October of every year, he suffers from this strange condition that shows up every 15 days. It typically starts on a Thursday. When he checks in to work that morning, he is all sweaty and tense. He is speaking to himself. If you happen to get very close to him - you would make out a few words - "Schumi", "wet tyres", "new rules", "practice sessions" etc etc.. If you weren't as dumb as I was when I met him first, you would have known that he is an F1 fan. As the day progresses, he gets more and more stressed out. At 4:30 PM, he begins some strange countdown. "Fourteen hours to flag off", "840 minutes to wait for 75 minutes of fun","If I can go home at 6 PM and hit the bed at 8, I can catch 6 hours of sleep before I can switch on my TV for the precommentary." and so on... At 6, the pace is feverish. There are a hundred F5s hit on "http://www.f1.com/" every minute from his PC and rumours have it that they had to load-balance the web-servers unable to tackle this onslaught.... At 6:30 PM, he leaves with a stern prayer to the gods - "Be warned, ye powers that be - don't even think about switching down the power in my area!!!" I don't know which God is in charge of the F1 department, but to my eternal surprise, there never is a power cut during F1 races. And then he is back on Friday morning, he is now seriously contemplative. He is now thinking about the qualifiers. When I meekly asked him once "What is Brian Ecclestone upto these days", he gave a look of shock and loudly corrected me "It is Bernie, not Brian!" and gave a little chortle and looked around and gave me that condescending smile "Good that, nobody heard you now." And I looked around in amazement and was actually convinced that misspelling his name would somehow get me laid off...!!! If you were really unfortunate to be around when somebody insulted Schumi, you would think Schumi is a German God - who has a temple in Monaco and who rides a Yellow Horse when he is on war and also that the church of Schumi is headquartered in Italy. Thankfully, the weekend passes off without seeing him at work. I still can't thank Rev. Ecclestone enough for scheduling all races on weekends. (Stop Press - As I type this, I am informed that our hero is planning to shift houses because he was not allowed to watch Melbourne Grand Prix on TV by his roommates. I am sure Maruthi Nagar police had a tough time this weekend...)

And I also learnt last week that he does not have a driver's license...

What does it mean to breath fire?

2005-03-03T20:23:00.000+05:30

Whenever you feel angry, passionate, desperate, excited, enthused or aggressive, try reading Pablo Neruda. He is the master of this range of moods. He literally oozes poetry from his being. He makes you renew your faith in what you believe. You can almost feel the rush of blood to the hand that held his pen as he wrote them. He wrote stuff that roars in any language that it was translated into. Temperamentally, there is so much I can relate to the tone of his verses."Fiery" is a word that can best describe his class of poets.... not too many in there with him!

I think the best lines in any poetry in any language that I have read so far are these that end his "I'm Explaining a few things" (Minstrels entry for this poem here )

from every house burning metal flows
instead of flowers,
from every socket of Spain
Spain emerges
and from every dead child a rifle with eyes,
and from every crime bullets are born
which will one day find
the bull's eye of your hearts.

And you'll ask: why doesn't his poetry
speak of dreams and leaves
and the great volcanoes of his native land?

Come and see the blood in the streets.
Come and see
The blood in the streets.
Come and see the blood
In the streets!

Signing off with goosepimples...

And more...

2005-03-03T16:22:00.000+05:30

The mood for questioning has caught on. WhoisCB, who obviously has read, remembers and probably understands more of Mahabharata than me- has come up with more....in his latest post here.

It is not my intention to prolong this "micro-analysis" debate on epics very far... but I am curious if there really are credible answers that we can sell to people who know little of Hinduism - or that we can take forward to the next generation.

Any takers?

High Fidelity Systems

2005-03-02T19:59:00.000+05:30

I do not associate myself with feminism, for many reasons.

Firstly and most importantly, I will perennially be an outsider. I will look like a white man speaking for black power - even when I legitimately feel like speaking for the blacks.
Secondly, as with any kind of activism that is pursued for quite some time - feminism has diversified into too many different streams - and each stream into sub-streams (I have trouble comprehending concepts like "eco-feminism") and there are a few militant kinds of feminism that piss even a liberal like me off.
Thirdly, I can't decide whether I will ever get admit passes into any kind of feminist clubs - with my Pro-Life views and my reservations over the question of whether a woman can unilaterally make a decision of whether or not to abort.
When you brand yourself as something, you become liable to answer to a few questions about that thing - which you may not believe in. However, common sense judgements need not come with brandnames to become marketable. Hence, I wish to be free of sobriquets as I continue to question.

And, when an earlier post of a worthy adversary of mine wondered -

"Pseudo-intellectuals and leftist liberals start talking about everything under the sun that is wrong with the narrow-minded, male dominated society of India",

There were two things that bothered me - the first was the stereotyping and the second was the fact that there are still people who don't think Indian society is narrow-minded and male-dominated. Hence, this post.

When I started thinking about the whole "Pativrata concept" I realized that one clever argument for "hi-fi" personalities - is the voluntary nature of the acts. Pages and pages have been written about how "Sati" (The widow's self immolation in the husband's fueral pyre) was nothing more than a voluntary act - and was never enforced. How it was all due to the fact that the woman loved her man so much, that she cannot bear to live without him. Also, how Pativratas were voluntarily so - considering the husband as Pati Parameshwar (The Lord Husband) and deciding to live their lives in their service thinking of nothing else.....the bottom line being when something is voluntary, one cannot question. True. Conceded. The reason I concede this is because, I know if I don't - there will be a list of comments which assume that I don't know, and I will have to reply anyway!

There is another thing - which people often talk about at Hindu rituals which have a direct negative answer in Hinduism itself. There is usually this talk of how in Hinduism the womenfolk need not be a direct part of the rituals and yagnas. How by being a "pativrata" and helping the menfolk - they automatically attain salvation. In Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, there is a dialogue that takes place between the rishi Yajnavalkya and Maithreyi his wife. Yajnavalkya is about to leave his ashram and pursue penance. He takes leave of his two wives Maitreyi and Katyayani. In principle, both were branded "Pativrata"s. (In fact Katyayani was so devoted to her husband's pursuits, she readily consents to his marrying Maithreyi, who was his disciple - as his second wife to avoid scandalous gossip). While taking leave, Katyayani bows to her husband's wish and leaves the scene - whereas Maithreyi begins to question Yajnavalkya on the nature of "Atma-Gnana" (self-knowledge) and if a loving couple can share spiritual fruits. He replies thus -

"Verily, not for the sake of the husband, my dear, is the husband loved, but he
is loved for the sake of the self which, in its true nature, is one with the
Supreme Self. Verily, not for the sake of the wife, my dear, is the
wife loved, but she is loved for the sake of the self."

And then - he goes on to explain and transfer his spiritual knowledge to his wife - and she becomes a gnani and so the story goes. The moral of the story being - inspite of Katyayani being what she was, she did not attain the fruits of her devotion, but Maithreyi having had the inclination to progress on the spiritual plane gained the knowledge. What a jarring contrast with our current rituals. (Example - women not allowed to utter Gayatri manatra, perform Yajna etc etc).

Now, to my Pativrata Point. I did a simple test to know more about Pativratas - and googled for known figures.. Among hundreds of lesser known figures, I managed to arrive at three most popular and significant people.

Sita (we will consider this as discussed)
Kannagi
Savitri.

For people unacquainted with Tamil religion... (that's right - in more ways than one, Tamil culture has a religious aura of its own - with all its pros and cons. Ah! that's gonna be a future post!) Kannagi is this huge larger than life figure in the Tamil psyche. You cannot have graduated beyond class five, if you haven't heard of Kannagi. She is the heroine of the Tamil classic Silappadhigaram (loosely translated as The Anklet Story(?!)). penned around 1500 years ago. The story itself is set a thousand years prior to that.
Her story goes like this - (^Ced - ^Ved excerpts from the web - copyright acknowledged to http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/vkp/silappadikaram/silappadikaram.htm)

The virtuous, and young Kannagi is wed to the princely Kovalan. Their wedding is much like their marriage: filled with joy, music, laughter, and love. The couple enjoys the pleasures of each other, wealth, and happiness. But Kovalan encounters a talented courtesan, Madhavi, and finds himself immediately enthralled. She enraptures him that he forgets all else, including his wife. Kovalan spends all his time and money on Madhavi, relishing in festivals and parties. After one such event, he becomes upset that the celebration has to end; Madhavi, in an attempt to brighten his mood, sings and dances for him. However, the songs she chooses to perform are about a lover’s lament, and cause Kovalan to reevaluate his relationship with her. He abruptly leaves Madhavi, and goes, shamed and penniless, back to Kannagi.

During Kovalan’s absence, Kannagi has remained chaste and devoted, always honoring her obligations as a wife. She receives Kovalan with open arms, pleased that he has finally returned. When Kovalan speaks of his poverty and shame, Kannagi solaces him, saying that her pair of anklets-his wedding gift to her-is his wealth. He decides to take one of them to Madurai to start anew and reassemble the life they once shared. Even though the journey was to be long and arduous, devoted Kannagi willingly agrees to accompany him.

In the city, Kovalan quickly finds a jeweler and presents the anklet to him. The cowherdesses’ fears are realized, as the jeweler Kovalan entrustThe story begins in ancient Puhar, where the beautiful,s is, unfortunately, a dishonest thief who had recently stolen the Queen of Madurai’s anklet-an anklet that is rather similar to the one Kovalan wishes to sell. Noticing the striking resemblance between Kannagi’s anklet and the one he stole, the jeweler quickly contrives a plan to frame Kovalan for his own crime. With Kannagi’s anklet in hand, the jeweler goes to the King, and,
despite the jeweler’s reputation as a liar, the King believes the jeweler’s story. Hastily, rashly, and without a sense of justice, the King orders Kovalan’s death.

Kannagi is distraught when she learns of her husband’s murder. She hastens to the palace and demands to see the King; he, believing fully that Kovalan is the thief, does not understand Kannagi’s rage, and defends himself against her accusations. However, when she presents the matching anklet, proving Kovalan’s innocence and the King’s horrible misjudgment, the King immediately admits his guilt and dies instantaneously.

Her rage is not quelled; her sense of justice not satiated. Kannagi calls upon Agni, the God of Fire, to help her burn down the evil city that allowed such crimes to occur. Only true innocents are spared: chaste women, like Kannagi herself; children; the enfeebled; and animals. Just as Kovalan has died in an unjust manner as retribution for acts in a previous life, Kannagi is rewarded for her exemplary character and conduct in this life. After the city has been destroyed and purged of all its wrongdoers, Kannagi joins Kovalan in heaven. She, because of her undying chastity and devotion to her husband, is elevated to the status of a Goddess-the perfect wife, to be regarded as such from the time of the burning of Madurai and onwards.

Regarding Savitri, I guess the story is more popular. It is about how the Savitri, being married to Satyavan - becomes an exemplary Pativrata. When Satyavan dies a premature death, the desolate Savitri confronts Yama - The God of death and fights and wins the battle of wits and devotion and brings him to life.

Now, I google for "Patnivrata"... That throws near zilch... I have to reallly search for "Eka Patnivrata". The difference being "Patnivrata" just means "devoted to wife" while "Ekapatnivrata" is a dumbed down version of that - means "A man who takes one wife". When I search for this, I get the following people

Rama
Rama
Rama
Rama

.......

517) Rama.

Either all men in India were scandalous womanizers or nobody took Patnivrata that seriously to celebrate it. So, in the entire history of "Indian civilization" (I restrain from making this Hindu-only as Kannagi is pretty secular) there is "one" celebrated "Ekapatnivrata" - with a hundred instances of celebrated "Pativrata"s.

Ten things we learnt today

In Indian history,

Pativrata - had a "moral meaning" and refers to absolute devotion, fidelity and service to the "Lord Husband" and was one of the highest celebrated qualities
Patnivrata - did not exist or was never given importance to
Ekapatnivrata - existed but meant "marrying one wife"
There were a million Patnivratas that we know of, but one Ekapatnivrata that we celebrate
Women should consider husbands as "Lord Husband"s. Men do not necessarily consider their wives as "Goddess Wife"
There are hundreds of instances of a widow following her husband "voluntarily" to the funeral pyre. And absolutely none when it comes to the menfolk reciprocating their "undying love" for their wives doing the same when they die.
One of the greatest Patnivratas was wrongly suspected for infidelity and banished while pregnant. She bore it without any feeling of malice and hatred, and for this meekness we celebrate her and portray her as an exemplary wife - who will never go against her husband.
The second of the greatest Patnivratas was actually wronged by her husband. But, she was benevolent when he returned back and accepted him and after his death, avenged it by her rage. We quote her as an example of how womenfolk have nothing except their husbands to live for.
The last of the trio, fought for her husband even after his death, actually brought him back to life.
The only Ekapatnivrata we know of - humiliated his wife publicly while still alive, and banished her the next time - because the Dhobi next door talked ill of her.

And there are people who still wonder "Was India a male-dominated society" ? Male domination is in our psyche, in our blood, in our veins, in what we speak, what we read, what we talk and what we write. We reek of male chauvinism. In fact, I don't claim to be any better. There are times when I fumble with my thoughts. After all, I am a product of what was put into me.

I definitly believe that if I were a woman and somebody were to instruct me on Indian culture and call upon me to follow "Pativrata Dharma", I would consider that as an extreme insult.

Epi(c)logue

2005-02-28T21:00:00.000+05:30

This one is going to be huge... Apologies. This is something I needed to give vent to and have taken quite some time to frame a response and could not help it getting so big.

First off, I noticed that there is a line in the "epics" post that rubbed a lot of people a bit on the wrong side.

Mahabharata I have decided is a whole truckload of pervert garbage, with a few brilliant pearls of wisdom and that includes certain chapters of Bhagavad Gita, and perhaps the Bhagavadam part of it (certainly not the part after which Krishna starts fooling around with married Gopikas).

On second thoughts, I can see that I did not put what I wanted to say in the best way possible. I wanted my whole post to convey the sense that mythological epics are not "relevant" today. And when I meant "pervert", I meant "pervert" - by today's contextual definition of the word. Many of you have pointed out that polyandry or polygamy may have been acceptable to the people of that age. Value systems change over a very short period, and one cannot be judgemental about the so-called "perversions" that may have taken place in those times. Quite true.

So, I am going to concede to you guys that we cannot be judgemental about a different period of time without involving a lot of prejudices. I am instead going to focus on my primary point (taking cues from many of your own arguments) - that mythological epics are not "relevant" to today's times. I will try to reply to people who commented on the post. And I am going to have this one talk mostly about Mahabharata. For, I have lots more to write about the whole concept of "Pati/Patnivrata" and that will be a separate post...

To PS

...Bottomline being Mahabharata is just an epic, about mortals, and Krishna is the only God in the entire epic....

You hit it bang on target. However, what troubles me is the fact that Krishna - being Godly, chose to do a lot of stuff that went against the basic tenets of Dharma during the war. For example, the way he instructs Yudhishtira to utter what was fundamentally a lie - "Ashwattama is dead" which causes Dronachaarya - his father to fumble and be killed by Arjuna. The way he stood and watched - as Karna was struck as a "Nirayudhapani" (a man without weapons - who according to Yudha Dharma should not be attacked). As always, there is a "divine plan" explanation for all this. There is an often untold story about how Sahadeva (who is sometimes regarded as a disciple greater than Arjuna), who could foretell the future with point-blank accuracy pleaded with Krishna to stop the war. When Krishna refused to do so, Sahadeva claimed that he himself could stop the war if he wished. When Krishna smiled and asked him how could he do that - he replied that he could simply go into meditation on Krishna's form and ask for the war to be stopped. Krishna is troubled now, because he knows that he cannot refuse a prayer like that and tries to convince Sahadeva that "everything is a part of the divine plan and he should not attempt to stop it."

What troubles me is the relevance of such godman-ly activities in today's world. What would stop each one of us to assume on ourselves that we are a part of a divine plan and go ahead killing/cheating people? Since, Krishna was born a mortal, I would assume that his actions should be explainable on the mortal plane, be true to what he preached and not create a misleading example for all the touts to follow on "divine plan"s. In fact, from my knowle dge of the epic - the only people who knew about the actual identity of Krishna as a Mahapurusha - during Mahabharata were Kunti, Arjuna, Draupadi and Shakuni. To others, he was a really wise prince. What value judgements would have been passed by a commoner seeing Krishna do what he was doing? Inspite of my multiple readings of the eighteen chapters of Bhagavad Gita (with commentaries as varied as from ISKCON to Arindam Chaudhuri), I still do not understand - why should Arjuna have fought the war ?

My good friend C often claims that I still do not understand the Gita, which is just as well. I, for one believe that when I get convinced that it was a "Dharma Yudha" - a war to uphold Dharma and could not have been avoided - my understanding of the Gita may get be a lot clearer. ( Am I the only one thinking about Iraq now?) All my attempts to understand the various contradictions that bottomline the epic have only met in futility and I don't think there are saints among us who understand them either. "The big picture" simply isnt there. These epics make sense only in bits and pieces - that too only when a lot of symbols have been replaced/repolished/re-interpreted to suit the modern world.

To Whoiscb

Your arguments in your blog made perfect sense and made me realise that a bit of what I said needs rephrasing at the very least. Right at the end of your post, you put in a couple of lines that I would choose to highlight here.

...Anwyay, myth or reality is determined by the faith of the person who reads
a work. But an intelligent person will take that which is good for him and leave
the silt behind. ...

Perfectly put. But, that makes an assumption that one already knows what is good and what is unacceptable in a work. This equates this epic with any ordinary paperback Robert Ludlum novel. For this reason, I will not recommend these epics to my children, at least until they reach an age where they can comprehend what went wrong with all these blokes - and how much of what is said there don't hold good today and would require a lot of judgemental thinking. I am not prepared to accept/propogate these epics as religious teachings any more. I still cannot see myself explaining the concept of "suspected infidelity" and the way Sita was humiliated twice - to my kid at least till I am ready to talk about the birds and the bees . I would assume that a child's innocence which would naturally assume fidelity between "Mom and Dad" would be permanently damaged when talking about such things.

To Shashanka

1) ....In the case of Rama, first Rama heard about it through one of his spies, not directly. Two, the people who talked about the same, were actually two rakshashas, who were disguised as washerman and washerwoman. The washerman banishes his own wife saying 'Im not a great man like Rama, who would have his own wife who had lived with other man for 14 years...'. ...

What took place between the washerman and washerwoman (whether they were Rakshasas or Al Qaeda or otherwise) is something quite intimately personal to them and firstly Rama had no business to interfere. Secondly, if he were to alter his personal life based on small talk from every Tom, Dick and Harry - Rama should have lived his life as a hermit and never have married in the first place, as that would have limited the liability of his actions to himself. I think this proves the fallibility of Rama under personal attack - the fact that he cannot stand for his values and his family - when they are threatened by malice unrelated to his performance as a king. Even assuming that he should live by the ideals of those age, I would have liked to have seen him relinquish his kingdom to his brother and quietly fade away, instead of committing another grave injustice to a person who has obviously done nothing wrong except to stand by him during testing times. That would have made it look infintely more respectable.

2) ....This instance was to teach the RajaDharma of a person. That a person in
power should be of pure character and his dharma of a king comes first and
foremost before that of his own individual prejudices. That is what is now
called 'professionalism'....

Ok. That speaks for it all. From all the Ramayana that I know, neither Sita nor Rama desired that she be carried away - and neither were responsible for the fact that she spent a lot of time at Ravana's abode. And how would this fact call for a review of "Rama's pure character"? In my mother tongue, the word for fidelity sometimes substitutes for virginity or "physical purity" and that is something that troubles me in the same context. While describing the condition of a victim of rape, you end up saying something like "she lost her fidelity". There is something called as Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis (not the first time I am mentioning this in my blog) - which may throw some light on why I feel so strongly about this. You call defending a wife - a loved one, who Hindu scriptures acknowledge to be a part of oneself, against malicious gossip "individual prejudices". And you are abjectly surrendering to a jargon called "Professionalism" - which by the way contrasts jarringly with your paragraph I quote below. Elsewhere, in your blog you also talk about "the helplessness of Rama when he has to send his wife into exile". Ok, what about Sita? And the two kids? After spending a life of hardship in exile and then under Ravana, having been humiliated once under the public gaze, she is banished yet again - when she is expecting Rama's progeny. She is barely aware of what is happening around her - until the last moment when Rama abandons her in the middle of a jungle. The very fact that you chose to highlight yet again the pain of the victimiser and ignoring the repeat victim - speaks volumes of how these epics can shape one's thoughts.

3) ....As of Yudhishtira, appearing as the weakest link, nothing is as pathetic and far from reality as it is. Just because, he is not a huge hunk or a master of weapons, he is never given the due respect as he is. Just the way, its happening around here, in this present world.Look around and tell me who are the biggest celebrities here...the intelligentsia or the glitz-glamour ppl? Dont tell about the dollar churning CEOs, whoever thinks of the hundreds of brilliant programmers behid all this? .....

I have a meek suspicion that this last paragraph of yours was meant to appeal to my "leftist senses" :) Unfortunately, I do not believe that CEOs are dumb, conniving, dollar churning machines nor believe in the romanticist ideology that all "brilliant software programmers" are toiling sufferers under a Big Brother regime. Being on the left does not automatically make me a red-faced communist (nor does that make me an atheist) And I kinda missed the analogy you are trying to arrive at here. I am guessing that you are trying to tell me that the "meek and worthy" are not respected, but the "mighty and conniving" are.

I did not want Yudhsihtira to be a hunk nor would I liked to have seen him to be a master of weaponry. All I would have wanted to see in him was some sense of responsibility in the way he behaved towards his family, people and kingdom. Of what use is your worth, wisdom and character, if in a simple scenario like a game of diceplay, you can throw it all away? To me, Yudhishtira looks very cute, chubby and righteous. Like my eight year old neighbourhood kid who does his homework on time, shares his toys with other kids, never cheats nor utters a "bad word". Only he cries a lot, when he loses in a game of monopoly and gives everything up. Their parents are really thinking if they should open an independent bank account in his name!!!! Maybe explaining this situation to me - will help me understand that better :)

To H

....Yet, assuming that the Bharata comprising of 8000 slokas could have actually been turned into a Mahabharata of a lakh verses, it could have been a case of
too many perverts spoiling the broth. The Mahabharata in one way is the ideal
Bollywood fountainhead - God, Ma, Intrigue, Fight, Sentiment - you name it, you
have it....

Absolutely. Nothing I need to add.

To Vitalstatistix.

....A question wrt the comments made by PS - both Rama and Krishna die at the end of their respective epics. Does that not make them mortals ? So aren't mortals
entitled to their share of mistakes ?....

Agreed. Just hoped they did not honk a lot after the 'D' word ad-nauseam.

To M

(by email) ..... Also, theres something that id like to tentatively put forward in favour of this blatantly corrupt epic being preserved and handed down through generations. When we decide to put our role models on a pedestal and distance them from us, were never going to really think about them and question what they did, and whether it was right. if we had an boringly good-great-noble pantheon of gods, we wouldnt think of them in day to day contexts when we are confused, troubled, and bothered about things. they would be at an uncrossable distance, seperated from us by their "up there" status on the pedestal... you know, rather unapproachable!! do i make sense?.....

Lots of sense! De-glorifying these epics and giving them a much-needed human colour is the only way we can let these epics survive. That still puts "What is Dharma" at an eternal peril - but that seems to be the compromise Hinduism needs to be prepared for. It has been a religion that has evaded answers from time memorial, and has depended on "ambiguity" for survival. In accepting Hinduism with all its contradictions, is perhaps to look at ourselves with a new sense of humility.

At the end of the day, I still do not understand Hinduism (at least the solidified made-to-order new age brand)- but that puts me in a rather fantastic situation - of never having to defend it! I dread the day when someone should call me a "Wherever-born-enlightened-Desi" :D

A proud Kodak moment....

2005-02-28T12:51:00.000+05:30

Sometimes point and shoot cams give the more sophisticated ones a dcent run for their money... This one shot over the weekend at Payyambalam Beach near Kannur, Kerala

I love the timing and the angles!!! Did you notice the eagle? (ed - flaunt! flaunt!)

Payyambalam Beach, Kannur, Kerala

Pretty peeved...

2005-02-23T19:13:00.000+05:30

I wish that all of you would read http://mindwarrior.blogspot.com/ for a friend's attempts to answer to my previous post His latest post "Indian Epics - II" deserves to be read - if for the only reason that - he has not chosen to mention a whole lot of stuff that he has written there - in the comments to my post, nor has invited attention to his blog.

I can understand that my post - talking of something not very politically correct, will generate a lot of noises and I am prepared to take it when it comes the right way. I only wish that his latest post was added as a comment to my blog as that would have facilitated a lot of people to get access to his stance on this. Somehow, the fact that his comments on my previous post were pretty innocuous and that he has chosen his personal blog (where he has hyperlinked to my blog pretty publicly) to mention a list of personal accusations that he has little ground to substantiate, has got me a little peeved. Unfortunately, since most of it is a personal, thinly veiled attack on my "pseudo-intellectual"lism, my "Indian Born Confused Desi" ness, my "leftist liberalism" (How does that make any difference to what I wrote ?) and the assumption that I get all my mythological knowledge from TV serials and a few macho worded advices to my kinship like "See the big picture", it makes answering a bit difficult.

I would try not to make so many assumptions about somebody I have never known in my life, whenever I get a chance to review this post (I guess I have no other choice now). I really wish some people learn a little about the ethics of blogging. After all it is dangerously close to a million monkeys on a million typewriters...and very few of us deal out Hamlets on a daily basis.

But, let me be frank... I do enjoy the attention this post has generated and I would like to hear from more of you.. before I would even kick start on a response to the content. For people who know me personally and through this blog, you would probably know me as a person who never shies away from an opportunity to stand corrected - if, and only if, there is a real good, reason for me to do so...not because it invites a lot of controversies and high volumed antics.

Of Epic Disproportions

2005-02-22T23:30:00.000+05:30

In recent times, mythology mega-serials have returned with a bang. Sunday television is replete with Samskriptha Ramayanas, The Mahabharatas, The Krishnas and the Shiva Maha Purans. Watching them almost a decade later, old-time folklore fantasy often gives way to deep rooted misgivings. Only, this time, I am not a part of the usual group that talks of how these epics are being exploited for the small screen. I am now more seriously thinking on the relevance of the epics themselves to the modern world.

The other day, I was watching Mahabharata on screen, and the scene was the mid-epic climax itself - the diceplay. Yudhishtira is shown beaten left, right and centre. If there is one word to describe him, it would be "Pathetic". And, he - the wise and the virtuous, faced with the simple ego-barrier of not being able to walk away gracefully in defeat - throws away one thing after the other. First goes his wealth, and then his reign, his brothers, himself and finally his wife. (The intricacies of the Mythology penal code was invoked then and there, when Draupadi quite emphatically questions the right of the king to foresake his wife after technically filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy by forsaking himself... Thats beside the point I am trying to make.)

The point that beats me totally to this day is how could the war that ensues after the imposed exile period be termed the "Dharma Yudha" (the "Righteous war" - to people on the righter side, something like "Operation Hastinapuri Freedom"???). Why should Dharma demand that that the land be turned in to a king who proved to be a vagabond, who had no affilitions to his people and could readily turn them in, to a known oppressor all for a game of dice, and could forsake his brothers and wife - over whom he had absolutely no material control - all because of a pretty bloated ego ? Going by your basic Chanakya or a Machiavelli reader, Yudhishtira was the last person I will recommended to be in possession of anything, least of all a kingdom to rule. Yudhishtira was the weakest link in the entire sordid tale... and his on-screen portrayal did justice to this image!

There is this other insanely stupid earlier episode - that drives me crazy, every time I think about it. It is the brief period between the Pandavas' scholarship and their brief reign over Hastinapura, when they are out in the jungle for a sabbatical. The five princes are dressed as Brahmins and roam the Drupada kingdom, to avoid being detected by the forces of Duryodhana out to destroy them. On their way they do things pretty "un-Brahmanical" - like slaying a couple of honcho demons, hunting game and eating meat etc, and generally lying to the general public of their real identity. Then they decide to troop for Draupadi's swayamvara (The suitor ceremony) where Arjuna wins her over and the fivesome return to Kunti. Bhima bellows - "Ma, look what Arjuna managed to scavenge today". And the poor lady says in all ignorance blurts - "Whatever be it, share it amongst yourselves". In a brilliant Bollywood moment, the five decide that their mother's word is beyond reproach, even though she may never have meant it in the first place, and they being righteous kings or brahmins or a hodge podge of both, should abide by it to the book. (ed - Never mind the million atrocties during the war that would be committed in their names - the slaying of Ashwattama and Karna, for example. You see, you should not mix episodes when you read epics... You would find a trillion contradictions.) They arrive at this perfectly natural timeshare plan - all of course, without involving the lady in question, and Draupadi becomes the wife of all five. To me, there is one word to describe the entire episode - Sick. (RK Narayan had this to write in his short script "Bride of Five" about this - "When Arjuna said all this - all the brothers studied the face of the girl, and their hearts beat faster, for already Manmatha, the God of Love, was at work, stirring their blood and affecting their vision". ..... Ouch! Not a very flattering description of a "Dharma moment")

And how would you describe all these great saints and rishis wishing everybody "Ayushman Bhava" ("May you live long!") and they fall like nine pins in the next episode! So much for the aerial supernatural gizmo! You would think that the authors of these epics were simple fools or people totally cut off from readership realities. But, they were master talesmen. They portended the possibility of future criticism of these incidents, and they invented a perfect foil, a technique that the world theatre owes to them - flashback. In every case, there is this old story sometimes going beyond a dozen lives, to make matters simpler and more complex at the same time. In this case, for instance - there is this tale of how Draupadi was Nalayini in her previous birth and how she being married to Moudgalya (who apparently happens to be a pretty old great-grand ancsestor of mine - and that makes me feel a little sicker thinking about my great great great grandmother treated so shabbily). How she - grieving her husband's death for ... ahem ... sensual reasons, asks for a boon that as usual boomerangs, and she ends up getting five husbands in the next birth. Oh thanks, Ved Vyas, that made me squirm just a bit less.

Mahabharata I have decided is a whole truckload of pervert garbage, with a few brilliant pearls of wisdom and that includes certain chapters of Bhagavad Gita, and perhaps the Bhagavadam part of it (certainly not the part after which Krishna starts fooling around with married Gopikas).

Ramayana fares marginally better. Right till almost the end. Almost. I guess the director of the show got a little wild on pot or grass just before the end, and there pops the "Agnipravesham" (the one where Sita is asked to prove her fidelity on a trial by fire - after she is rescued from Ravana). OK Guys, Valmiki deserves a Martin Scorsese award for portraying Rama's "human condition" - but I can't take that twice. A mere fifty pages later, the devoted husband, the "Ekapatnivrata" (The man who does not covet a second woman) happens to overhear a washerman talk ill of his wife - and without having the gumption to break a few bones in his body, decides to do the single most dishonourable thing that a man of his stature can ever do - banish her. (This had a perhaps unintended consequence of fuelling feminist debates on Deepavali television - again beside the point)

I am perhaps not the first to point these out. I have tried and tested my theories with the elders in my family and peers in my group. And all that I got - as answers were loose nonsense talk, on how things made sense at a higher divine plane, how these were symbols to greater things. Of what these symbols stood for - there was always a stony silence. Were these to be emulated? Again silence. Sometimes, they ended up getting offended - and shut me up with the usual "Don't talk of revered things thus!". But, that was when I was a bit younger. Now, having reached an age where discernment proves to be a pretty good dampener in realms of belief, I have decided that there was never a "Dharma Yuga" or a "Rama Rajya" in the history of Indian civilization. I even venture a thought that perhaps things are better off these days, when at least people can stop and question themselves and not blindly subject themselves to hours and hours of discourses on how these inanities had a deeper significance, if you look at them at special angles and all that jazz...

Abstraction

2005-02-12T15:26:00.000+05:30

There is the light,
There is the light
At the end of the tunnel.
This is where it ends,
And how it all begins.

We will enter a world of comprehension,
Where I might crystallise before you
From an endless stream of possibilities
To one small ugly orb.
Will you smirk and pass?

Would you then remember me for
The darkness shared,
Or the visions seen
Of notches scaled in dreamy oceans
With oars of thought?
Or would I be the
Disappointing orb
Which plopped like a lead ball
as soon as it touched the real sea?

The Freud inside me slips today.
Cluttered bronchal walls
Inspire gloomy poetry.
They remind me quite painfully
Of clogged pathways and
Blocked sewers just beneath.
Will I be judged when you smell the flowers?

I shall retreat then,
And let you pass...
So that I am still radiant
And fragrant
And have a passport to your dreams
Where you will happily recall
Those golden golden days
Where we waited like children
To smell the flowers
And catch the sun.

A disgustingly deep throat

2005-02-10T23:50:00.000+05:30

Right now, I can only think about my throat... it feels as if somebody is excoriating my insides, thoroughly rubbing them with sandpaper and planting cacti inside... Every time I swallow I feel two huge pebbles on either side of my throat and an excruciating pain.

I have suffered fractures, all kinds of illnesses and once even had my toe nail pulled out with a pair of pincers while - while I was awake. Believe me, nothing beats a throat infection!In fact, the worst things you can physically suffer from are nausea, split headaches, extreme hunger and throat infections. Other ailments have something minutely masochistic about them. These can hang over you like a demon - and obsess you all the while that you can think of nothing else. They suck the life out of you. They madden you, they sicken you, they let you growl, crawl, abuse, threaten and fall back like a defeated lion... and still continue to sicken you!

To summarise ... I feel Yuck!

Do Do Do.. Da Da Da... is all I want to say to you

2005-02-09T15:09:00.000+05:30

I know.. I know...Things happened. Been pulverised at work left, right and centre. Had an incredibly stupid late last week when I scampered around three cities in five days - two horrible train journeys included, one day spent on a pack of cream biscuits and two cups of cofee alone...and piles of unwashed clothes staring at me when I went home last night...and things still unfinished.

And right now, I am sick. I feel muzzled around the throat. I feel as if I was flogged with heavy logs of wood around my body. And I am running a temperature.
I know... you didn't want to know all this that desperately...

Joyeux anniversaire

2005-01-17T20:09:00.000+05:30

Its been a year since the Realist started trivialising the world from his armchair. The following is an extract from my first text post in this blog.

I still do not feel blogging is a great new way that will open up the
world. But, yes let me see.. where I stand on some issues. Often mellowed down
by "political correctness" on mailing lists and man-to-man talk, I often found
myself uttering things I totally disbelieve in. So to help me not get lost in
there, here I am - up for public scrutiny....but maybe I dont give a damn about
what I think or write. Thats cool ain't it? (No, I am not so sure. I will judge
the "coolness" aspect after maybe a month of successful blogging).

This may be a wise moment to measure the blog for a change of values in the past year.. Blogging may still not be "opening up the world" (though the appeal and reach of the recent Tsunami help blogs portend a pleasant rebuttal to my cynicism in the near future). But blogging is a good way to open you out to yourself. It is a "spill now - clean later" experience - the luxury of which is not available with "dumb paper writing"s. Heck, you dont even need to clean. I often just come back and see things spilt and decide to leave them just the way they are.

Emily said, "This is my letter to the world that never wrote to me" (I think she would have made a very prolific blogger) And that is the essence of blogging. It is about writing about anything, anyway you want, without meaning to address anybody in particular. Still, you can expect the people you know will read, to read everything you wrote, and you can secretly relish the fact that you did get the message across. And if they dont like what they read - they cant take offence, because it wasnt meant for them in particular. Aint it so perversely cool? he he he...More seriously, how many blogs really offend you? I have read many posts that would be downright offensive to me - if somebody actually said those things to my face - but when I read that in a blog, it is just another point of view, which I happened to know that somebody holds. The responsibility for the knowledge of the viewpoint is now not with the person who wrote it - but the person who went all the way to read it.

And on the other side of the fence, blogs intrigue and delight people more often than not. You can be completely stumped by a few gems now and then almost everywhere you go. "Power of thought" - thats what they call it. You can be amazed by the output of a few brains and keyboards when operating in the security of relative anonymity. Blogging thus defined - is a humanizing experience.

I think this is the exact thing that makes blogging so hugely popular. It frees you up from the shackles of pedestrian conversations. By distancing the narrator from the listener asynchronously, the conversation is less stilted and more constructive and productive. Perhaps, this is what the world needs today. A step back from artifice and affected polity - to within ourselves and starting all over again. Maybe we can bridge all of the world some day like this.... (ed - Damn! I knew I will come back to "opening up the world" at some point)

Over the past six months, my blog has built up a small clique of regular readers too, who do care to pen in a few lines now and then. Thanks to everyone. And thanks to them, I have come across a list of other cool blogs - which I frequent a dozen times a day. Finally, a big thanks to Jack of all Jacks for introducing me to the blog world - This is a real cool habit you got me into, mate.

Here's to us bloggers. We rock!

Light of the day

2005-01-14T22:09:00.000+05:30

This week has been absolutely refreshing. Since, I am transitioning out of my current assignment, I am back to living in India again - literally. After 8 months of waking up in the middle of the day and going to sleep at dawn, I have come to realise that the best thing one can ask for is his share of daylight. So, you can imagine my pleasure at going back to work like normal human beings in normal work hours.

It is amazingly refreshing to wake up at 7 and walk to office at 9 AM. To see the school children, to see the office-goers on their rush to office, to see house-wives bidding adieu to the folks....etc. My walk on the way to office crosses a sedate residential area and two schools. There is something very delightful about the slant rays of the sun that hits you when you are walking in a residential area.

When I was in college, I never realized what it meant to follow the path of the sun. But, growing out of college, I feel a greater delight to doing what people around you do at the right time. I have started having my breakfast again. I get genuinely hungry at 1 PM. I have my snacks at the right time, I have my dinner at 8:30 PM, and I feel sleepy at 10 PM. God... life is amazing all over again. I know this post sounds kinda groovy, but folks reading this post - you really dont know what you are missing, unless you have been deprived of it.

Before heading for Asia, Alexander found himself in Corinth, where the great thinker Diogenes lived. Diogenes was sitting in a barrel, enjoying the sun paying no attention to Alexander. Alexander was very surprised at this lack of interest and asked if he could do something for Diogenes. "Yes, could you move over a bit, you're blocking my sun" answered Diogenes. "If I wasn't Alexander I'd be Diogenes" replied Alexander.

That is all you can ask for ... just your share of the daylight.

And the reason for me being in high spirits....

2005-01-03T20:09:00.001+05:30

.... is the fact that against all odds, I have actually received a GD call from one of the IIMs and a PI call fom SPJIMR as well. My dangerously close CAT percentiles certainly had a close shave with the Occam's razor that the IIMs employ to short-list candidates.

Thanks for all those who cared to pen best wishes in an earlier post. Though it is still a long way ahead, hopes are still alive, that I can make it this year.

Blindly stupid?

2005-01-03T20:09:00.000+05:30

A friend wanted to know what I meant by "blind stupidity" in the last post. Actually, that set me thinking. Because I am still confused as to give it all a positive or a negative twist. Death is an intriguing subject. The more you try to analyse it, the more confused things become.

First, there is this question of finality... Is it all over with death? If things are final, then there is this personal "blindness" that one can attribute to it - when nothing that we think as important matters at all in the end. For, you go round and round the circuitous quagmire of life, and there is no telling when you are going to disappear into thin air. And anything that ends in a nought is nought itself. So Life is a big zero? Many who believe in the finality of death try to work this around by saying "It is not important that one lives or dies. it is important what difference he makes when one lives." That doesnt exactly satisfy me at all. If an individual is an equation who sums upto zero, he also forms a part of a larger system of equations which sum up to zero as well. The very fact that the equation gave or took a bit from the overall system doesnt matter because, everything is going to converge to zero. Sometime or the other.... Finality of death implies that there is simply no stupid reason to believe in life at all. There is absolutely no reason to believe in reason as well...And why do we keep living? To keep living, most of us have to necessarily invent the reason that death is not final. Ergo religion. Or we become existentialists, write absurd plays, court three mistresses, fight in Algeria and commit suicide.

The second question that evades a definite answer is - how should the living react to the dead. Our lives are not made by just flesh and bones. It is made of people around us. The values they confer on us. How we interact with them. A man's "Personality" - is defined not in terms of the individual, but how he reacts to a set of people and the notions, ideas and emotions arising out of these interfaces. A man in isolation is nothing worthwhile to consider. If that be the case, how should he react when a death occurs - when a part of his personality is cut off ? For example, what remains of a woman whose misfortune it is to see both her children washed away? What happens to the "maternity"? Going by how maternity is valued as the highest and most pristine attribute of all, one would expect that the mother's life change forever and she live her life out like a zombie.

But, something there is in nature that abhors definite answers to both these questions. What are to be expected as answers to both these questions seem fallacious. As for the first question, there is an interesting Sanskrit saying that describes two kinds of disillusionments - "Prashava Vairagya" and "Smashana Vairagya" - which are the most commonly felt of all. The former relates to a man witnessing his wife's labour ordeals and vows to himself - "Never again, my dear!" The latter relates to a man who witnesses death and thinks to himself despondently "All the world... for this!" Strangely, wise as they seem - both these disillusionments fall aside as time goes on. And we keep breeding (for want of a better word) and we go on living as we always used to. Will you call this blindness or stupidity or a gift or all of these?

And as for the second question, that is more acutely psychological. For, the living who trail the dead are the most accursed. I have often seen grieving mothers throwing everything in their lives away, young widows avowing to live their lives in acute misery - indeed India of the yore - demanded these attitudes of them. Part of the problem lies in the actual grief, and the other lies in the fact that if one renounces the departed, everything of the past comes away as meaningless and there is a guilt associated with the living for being the one who "acknowledges" if not "puts" - "the final full stop". Is it a betrayal to the memory of the departed to go on living as if their departure was just another event? If you ask this question to nature, it seems to reply in the negative. It demands that the living confine the memory to oblivion, and carry on with living. For it is natural that we witness that life simply goes on... no matter what befalls us. Something that human intellect tends to refuse in theory, nature leads us into by practice. Intelligent life demands and seeks meaning from nature. Nature demands and seeks that life go on - even in apparent meaninglessness. Will you call the triumph of the latter tendency over the former blindness or stupidity or a gift or all of these?

Depends on what your perspective is going to be, and on the premises you adopt.

All of it ...I know is nothing new and I am sure you did not necessarily need to be told by me... And there is nothing in what I have reproduced that makes me a depressed wretch that is going to waste my life by only asking questions that nobody is going to answer. And this all - at the risk of sounding pretentiously philosophical - when I am actually in quite high spirits. (Should the two moods be mutually exclusive - is something I dont want to argue about now)

But - when you asked me to define "blind stupidity", that's pretty much what I felt.

Things left to interpret in a new year

2004-12-31T18:46:00.000+05:30

There hardly exist anything new that one can do to usher in the new year.

This is the time when hundreds of bloggers around the world are busy looking back at the year that was, relishing great moments, spicing it up with a few anecdotes - tempering it with the bad ones, washing it down with pearls of wisdom and finally concurring that the year was mixed....

But, the fact that at 12 tonight, the world is going to be no different than it was at 11:59:59 PM is worth forgetting. For new years, birthdays, anniversaries etc are though myths...help us to stop gap our lives. Whatever TS Eliot meant when he took a dig at his insecure hero, we are all living Prufrocks and we have an insatiable need to "measure out our lives with coffee spoons" to help us look at what we are and what we can still make out of it.While we wish each other that new year be happy and prosperous, let us also remember that the new year is going to be what we make for ourselves. Miracles simply dont use new years to manifest themselves - the only miracle that can happen is - of human transformation - and everything else is only as good as we are...

As I typed the above paragraph, I do stop to think of the recent disaster - and ask myself - "Did we deserve that too?" It is still difficult and makes very little sense, but all that we can do is to pick up the bits and pieces of our lives - and look for better things. For the blind stupidity to keep going is still a gift from God - and the rule of nature is for life to keep going and look forward, we have very little choice but to abide by it...

Happy new year.

Tsun am I?

2004-12-30T22:34:00.000+05:30

There are moments like these when nothing makes sense. Yesterday's 24 * 7 bulletin had a newsline that went like this:

"News is just emerging that a six coach train in Sri Lanka overturned because of the Tsunami and 1500 people died. Elsewhere in Galle......:"

That line jolted me out of my wits. 1500 people just died in a train accident and we can hardly spare a minute to talk of them. 80,000 have died so far and we are still counting in thousands and not by the units. Some 20,000 are still missing and people have already stopped searching. Some 1500 in India are dead but bodies unclaimed, and all we can do is dig up mass graves and be done with them.

Will I still hear the obscenely foolish statement henceforth - "Man has conquered nature ??????"

What are we? Somewhere in the deep ocean, two rocky faces decided that they will court each other and rubbed their faces and cataclysm follows. A wave 30 feet high is still only 0.000005 % of the radius of the earth. When a mosquito bites you - you will shiver to a much greater magnitude in proportion to your body size than that. Is it not too arrogant to think that the "earth shook", It makes better sense to say that "the earth had goose-pimples". And yet... we cannot stand even that?

Here we are - no time to mourn the individuals who perished. That is the most excruciating pain of all. Your personal grief is overwhelmed by the magnitude of the tragedy. What difference does one death make among lakhs of others? What a savagely effective way to show man his place. How many people got the proverbial "six feet"? It is quite possible that the 30 by 30 by 30 feet space into which the hundreds were dumped will not be spared too.. Villages, forests and possibly rice fields will come over them. For... life must go on, and there is simply no time to think of the dead.

The horror is beyond death itself. It is beyond the fact that most of the dead are children. It is beyond the fact that the badly decomposed are stll being washed ashore. It is beyond the fact that it has hit an entire face of the earth. The greatest horror that engulfs the living humanity is the ultimate anonymity of human life. It all amounts to dying nameless....

What god-gifted blind stupidity keeps us going?

Queen's dead - long live the queen

2004-12-29T18:59:00.001+05:30

MS Subbulakshmi is no more and that is a loss that cannot be expressed in words. I am an easy victim to nostalgia and MS represents many things about my childhood - that I yearn for with much longing, and this loss is as personal as it is otherwise.

She belonged to the rare creed of people who radiated divinity. 'Maithreem Bajatha', 'Kandu Kandu' (incidentally - her favourites too), 'Geeta Govindam' and the truly divine 'Katrinile Varum Geetham' and 'Kuraiyondrumillai' that I grew up with, besides the usual Vishnu Sahasranamam and Venkatesa Suprabatham that awakens millions of homes everyday - are all now but memories on digital and magnetic media. Had I been more knowledgeable in Carnatic Music, I might have written a better elegy for her - but it does not matter. She was also a truly remarkable human being - who lived and died in contrasting shades of humble obscurity and arousing fame. Now that she's gone, scores of admirers come out with stories of how she gave away almost everything she received to the needy, how she prepared her own idlis and sambhar on flight journeys and dealt it out freely among pilots and crewmen, how she would always honour fellow artistes, staying out of any ego conflicts and controversies....Though modern day feminists may gawk at her insistence on orthodoxy and austerity, her devotion to her husband late Sadasivam throughout her life - was exemplary. With her passing, I am afraid, we have lost one of the very last luminaries of a bygone era which promises never to come back.

"Subbulakshmi, when singing, comes closer to God and the same happens to those who listen to her." - Mahatma Gandhi

"What am I, a mere Prime Minister, before the Queen of Music." - Jawaharlal Nehru

Britannia over and out...

2004-12-29T18:59:00.000+05:30

I hate to start with this again... but its been a long time.

I know I promised quick updates on my London trip but what followed was a period of ennui and tumultous events and I am not the best person to hold promises.

About London, let me keep this short. I had the briefest tour of London that a tourist can make. It lasted precisely 5 hours and 30 minutes in which period, I managed to hop on to Marble Gate, St. Paul's, Westminister Abbey, Big Ben and the Parliament, 10 Downing Street, Buckingham Palace, Tower of London, Cloepatra's needle, the millenium eye and a cruise by the river Thames. I also managed to click myself somewhere between 213 to 225 Baker Street, a broad area in which I would like to believe that I captured Sherlock in all his glory. I had the pleasure of clicking Trafalgar Square and Piccadilly Circus in the "open comfort" of an open-top bus with the noon time temperature reading 4 degree celsius with winds making a good frosty ice-cream of your insides. And that was that. To do justice to a place like London, you need at least 3 days, and lots of pounds in ready notes - neither of which I had the luxury to provide for. And thus, to all posterity, I had been to London too.... (ed - I hope my dispo cam lives up to its promise and my pictures not still-born because they passed through the X-ray scanners at the airports. Anybody experienced reading this blog - will it still work?)

The return trip was horrible. London Heathrow airport, stood exposed to all the hype and basic facilities and infrastructure were much in need for the Christmas crowd. After an extremely hassled three hour boarding procedures, I managed to board the flight 5 minutes after the last call was announced - and my connecting flight from Frankfurt was to leave within twenty minutes of my landing there - and as does usually happen in such cases, S**T happened and my baggage preferred to stay over in Frankfurt for another night. Lufthansa were nice about it and promptly compensated for the delay and had it delivered to my place free of charge the next day - but it goes a long way to prove that "anything cracks under pressure" - Indian-ness is not an essential criterion for mishaps. That was mighty uplifting...

Britannia!!!!

2004-12-13T22:45:00.000+05:30

Post written offline on Sat, 11-Dec-2004

Quite some water (and land too...) has flown beneath my feet since the last post, and this post comes to you from Reading in Berkshire, UK and as can be expected, the next few posts will be exclusively in English!!

Reading is a small town 30 miles to the west of London. I can't quite place it exactly in terms of stereotypes. It is at once both old-fashioned and modern. Old-fashioned because it has a history of over 1400 years, and a few miles outside the town lie the ruins of an ancient Roman settlement. (It is also one of the few English towns honoured(??) with the burial site of an king Henry I) Almost every building inside the town limits is at least 50 years old (The only exception is the new shopping mall - quite confusingly called - The Oracle - which spans 10 acres cutting across three streets). Reading is also a bustling modern economic centre. It is the insurance banking and IT hub of the UK. There are at least 20 shopping malls - the biggest names in UK, I hear - which have sprung up around the town - highly noticeable because of the Christmas shopping spree. Thus much to identify with Bangalore...

Food - should not be an issue for many. However, here are some curious facts for the uninitiated. The only vegetarian restaurant in town is not Indian. In fact it is not even vegetarian - it is vegan (reminds me of my mom's favourite Tamil proverb - "Vecha kudumi, Saracha mottai" roughly translates to "If it is to be, then a tuft and if not - a clean-shaven head") On the menu are some curious food items from every country in the world except India. I could only recognise the Mexican enchilada - which I decided against for olfactory reasons. I dont know what is wrong with the Greeks - and why do they like potato skins better than the good old stuff they are meant to cover or what is amiss with the Italians that they prefer their carrot soup to resemble Nerolac and taste like Cerelac!

Walk into an Indian restuarant - and you get nostalgic - about the way the British named Indian towns. Pulao Rice - has become Pillow Rice here, Matter Paneer is better known as Mator Poneer and you find Palak Kofta has long since converted to Anglicanism - and is called Pollock Coffta. My predicament is multifold - if you are thinking about South Indian - forget it! The South Indian community is still not strong enough - for such conveniences. When you think vegetarian in general - it means either the vegan Cerelac, a goat-cheese Panini or the very few select dishes on an Indian menu. If you are thinking Indian in general, you get restaurants like the ones above that have adapted themselves for the English pallette. But, the biggest bother of all is to get any of them to accept your American Express. For reasons far beyond my comprehension, they dont. England is still not a credit society and they actually urge you to spend in cash. That is a worrisome prospect, because of the stupid forex regulations that limited the cash I could carry.

Commuting - is a pleasure. England has the best public transport system in the world. Reading is a link railway station to the West and the South-West and quite liberally connected to every imaginable city by at least five different train companies. In-town and outbound buses are empty and heavenly. Traffic on the roads is often termed "heavy". The definition of heavy traffic being - a dozen vehicles before a traffic signal. Cars Always - mark the capital 'A' - stop for pedestrians at cross-points. This, I later learnt is less due to courtesy and more due to strict enforcement of the law that is always on the side of the pedestrians. It astonishes me no end that three days into my stay here, I am yet to hear a car honk in traffic. The temper on the roads is genuinely cool and composed - perhaps wrong time of the year to make an observation on that - for the mood is genuinely joyous everywhere!! Every taxi driver is a Punjabi Indian/Pakistani. However, Asians have such a huge task here of proving their "British"ness time and again that the finer shades of their country of origin - all but melts away. Almost the entire immigrant population is decades old, and very less recent immmigrants - and every Indian greets the other with a "Sat Shree Akal" - regardless of hs religion - quite interesting!
The London Underground - The railway network in Greater London area - is highly customer-conscious. You can buy a return train ticket from Reading to London and use the same all day long weaving in and out of any London underground station any number of times at no extra fare. The London underground map quite famously resembles a beehive. Nearly every station (there are around 200) on a complex maze is a connecting station to a different line. Even seasoned travellers have to necessarily have a map of the underground handy and chart their way across to the destinations. I had to jump onto three different trains on my way to the Canary Wharf - which incidentally is where East India Company still keeps a small office.
News and Television - The most amusing aspect of all - is the obsession of the national television with the news around the country. I can't quite digest the fact that a country roughly the size of Madhya Pradesh will need to know so much about itself. BBC operates five free-to-air channels. Picture this - you have the Berkshire news on primetime where the second headline is the robbing of a 70-year old lady of 800 pounds of Christmas savings. Then you have the South news - which has a 10-minute section on the loss of a helicopter off Southampton. The London news - has fresh details about how the Home Secretary cheated the nation of 180 pounds - when he went on a foreign trip. The national news is a shade better - it has a 20 minute section on the reversal of fortunes of Everton this season. The biggest national obsession is Chelsea vs Arsenal this weekend (I was naive enough to think I will go to the Wembley to catch the action...) Step out of the national coverage and on the World news - you again listen to how a British battalion is getting a break from Fallujah for Christmas. I thought if I stand on the roof of my hotel and do something funny - something like holding a poster protesting the Sankaracharya's arrest - I would be on primetime in a million homes in an hour!!!

If I manage to get to London tomorrow for a small trip around, you will be the first to hear about it. So long...(pun intended)!!!

(ed's Postscript on 13 Dec- I did get to London, and updates follow)

Strand-ed

2004-12-02T22:41:00.000+05:30

Bookshops is Bangalore flaunt personalities of their own - and sometimes even nationalities.
Gangaram's is the Englishman. Cocky, erudite, careless and anachronistic. You go there expecting neat piles of attarctively stocked books and you will be shocked. It resembles a tropical jungle more than anything. It is a place where your feet never touches the floor - because either it steps on somebody else's foot or it steps on a book. The book that you want most is always there as a single copy - and just before you lay you hands on it, a gentleman in his seventies grabs it and walks towards the cash counter. I am pretty sure that first editions of The Dead Sea Scrolls or the Rig Veda will be available if you search hard enough - which of course is an impossibility, because this is not the place where you go and find books. You just go there, pick the nearest book and walk away with it if you like it. Don't ever make the mistake of reserving a book or asking for help. I have more than once felt that the propreitors of this shop feel they have more than fulfilled their share of obligations - by just keeping the bookshop open and letting you in.

Higginbotham's is the Scot. He is more practical than the rest. He keeps bestsellers near the shop entrance and stationery near near the door. He also likes to segregate the IT-savvy people from the rest by a floor and that provides for a virtual apartheid - allowing Data Warehousing freaks to go about their business unhindered while the civilized folks can get some footspace (Baits just one. The rest ignore). People are here are more helpful than their next door neighbours. They will oblige you with requests for rare books - ony if you give them enough notice.

(The most irritating factor that repels most people away from both G and H is the fact that they are both closed after 8 on all days and on Sundays. -ed's afterthought)

Crossword is the Japanese. By far the most ingeniously spacious of all, you would love the simple ambience. There are very few distractions, and a good savvy, motley collection of books precisely kept at places where you expect them to be. Very few paperbacks and pricey hardbounds can make you think twice about an actual purchase. Sometimes, tries to be a little more appealing by hosting luminaries like VS Naipaul to constructively lure people.

Landmark is the new-age American. I would say Chennai Landmark is around a 100 years older in temperament to its Bangalore counterpart. While at Chennai, there is an air of distinct scholarliness, Bangalore doesnt think twice about having people shopping for Eau de Colognes and Samsonites in a bookshop. The section where you skim for books is limited in geographical expanse, but has a very well catelogued section that even allows one to skim semi-fictionals, and film narratives. However, Chennai delights me more with its conservative spirit and with its senstivity to regional temper by having a very good secton devoted to Tamil books. Bangalore tries to be too many things at the same time, and though it doesnt fare badly at any, I dont like to eat my rice with ice-cream.

I was appalled till last Sunday that though two years have passed I set foot on Bangalore-an soil as a working class hero, I had not visited the one bookshop that mattered in Bangalore - Strand's. Though a lesser brother to its Mumbai counterpart, and miles away from the "18-mile" namesake in NY, Strand's by repute, has a disticnt charm, or so I was told. And the best thing about Strand's is their book fair held every year with genuinely heavy discounts. Books are underpriced anywhere between 40 to 80 percent. So last Sunday, I was quite pleased to be led to the fair atop the Estate building on Dickenson Road. It wasn't easy maneauvering among all sorts of booklovers on a makeshift hall, but you dont mind taking the pains to spend some time with tomes and line up patiently for your turn at the cash counter, when you have access to a good collection of tastefully arrayed books at throwaway prices. I even managed to get a Kafka hardbound for a little over 100 rupees. If that gives you an idea of what is on offer... The fair is on till December 12 and a must-visit on a lazy afternoon. A trip on a weekday may help you beat the crowd.

My only worry these days - is the appalingly disparate rates of growth between the number of books I buy and the number I read. There are at least 4 unopened books waiting for a leisurely day or two, and half a dozen more waiting to be finished. I only hope the days ahead with my probable trip to meet the queen and the promising Christmas break after that - would help me reach out and finish a few.

Shame

2004-11-25T23:24:00.000+05:30

The spiritual high drama at Kanchipuram had to wait for my mundane, mortal pursuits to get out of my mental attention queue.

The prospect of "Jagad Guru" (The teacher of the world) Sankaracharya being accused of conspiracy to murder would probably rank only next to aliens landing on your backyard and playing football in the minds of many Hindus. So, the first reaction was quite legitimately - one of shock. The 77th in an unbroken line (which lineage is so well documented upto Adi Sankara, the founder of the Sankara Maths) has created history by entering a new dimension of spirituality. Exit criminalisation of politics, enter criminalisation of religion.

So, before I set my foot onto the gutter, let me utter the standard disclaimer - "Innocence presumed, till guilt is proven." Amen! Applaud ladies and gentlemen, for we have finally brought ascetism under the Indian Penal Code. Obviously those of us who thought Sanyasis had to lead a life of harsh austerity and shine as an example to the world with their conduct have been suffering from mass schizophrenia. Because, here we have the new-age cell phone carrying ascetic, who would infintely prefer a guest house to a jail, who will "fight the cases foisted on him" through legal means and would enact a cock and bull story of police mishandling and allegations of torture....and withdraw them later when video evidence makes a mincemeat of it... For all are equal in the eyes of the Indian law...and there is a freedom of speech and judicial remedy guaranteed to all Indian citizens. The Jagadguru is an Indian first, you see...

And the drama soears to a climax during the subsequent weeks. The DMK suddenly finds that the reason for its agitation is now over, finds no locus standi and blutters out a meek congratulation to the government. The BJP is bewildered and alleges the Centre's hand and suddenly in the bizarre circuits of the Sangh Parivar intellect, a fuse wire breaks allowing free transfer of vital information - that makes it realise that the arrest would not have happened without the consent of its ally. While the other parties decide on a politically yielding stand to adopt, DMK makes a volte face when it realises that its initial euphoria is being counter productive and does a volte-face... Praveen Togadia makes a trip to Chennai and suffers a sore throat, Sonia Gandhi refuses comment, Vijayendra stays back in mehboob nagar then comes back, there are raids in the Math, letters to the editor...editorials, past presidents and ex-chief justices flocking High Court, clashes, Dalit power, Hindu mobs...we didnt start the fire, though we didnt light it, we tried to fight it....

Jack of all Jacks was pretty worried that Tamil Nadu could be burning. It took some time for me to convince him that it was not so. Granted that Tamil Nadu is the arena for emotional idiots (Me being a Tamil, that hardly qualifies as a flame-bait - save your breath). But the idiocy is saved for better occasions - like when a Dalit gets arrested for roasting his wife or when the infinitely scruplous MLAs from the backward states decide that they can print stamp papers on their own and land themselves behind bars. Not when a "Brahmin leader" is put behind bars. Sanity prevails then. I would like to assure the rest of the world that Tamil Nadu is still keeping the shell-shocked perfectly sane, peaceful calm.

Having said that, the collective conscience also forces one to think on what status was accorded to non-Brahmins in the Math hierarchy. I have personally witnessed cases of widows and non-Brahmins being refused entry to a few regions in the Math premises. It is difficult to argue with the votaries of the marginalised communities when they rejoice at the fall of the "Manu Dharma" with the arrest.

There were lighter moments too. The best was offered by Shri M Karunanidhi, a life-long atheist who wanted the Kanchi math to be preserved for "posterity". And then the media blitz and full page ads defending the "Champion of the Hindu faith". You really can't blame yourself if you thought Jayendra Saraswathi is contesting for the Lok Sabha polls. Opportunism has hit whole new levels these days South of the Vindhyas.

To end with an anecdote - When the predecessor to the incumbent - Chandrasekharendra Saraswathi faced a hostile government in Tamil Nadu (who else but our very own MK at the helm), he had to choose between a proxy war and abject surrender. He chose neither, shut down the Math and walked his way to Satara in Maharashtra, where he camped for close to 2 years till the government found better things to fight against. While camping there, once he was seated in the porch of his makeshift Ashram when he received a telegram that delivered news of his mother's demise. He held the still unopened letter in his hand and wondered aloud "What should a Sanyasi do when he suffers berievement"? and placed it aside and continued his silent meditation....

There are certain times when you are ashamed for belonging to a particular community , yet others when you are ashamed to call yourself a member of a particular ethnicity or linguistic group, and sometimes but very rarely you feel ashamed of calling yourself a follower of a particular religion. The rarest of all, when you feel ashamed to be born in a particular era. These days I can't decide what to be ashamed of.

Cat's in the cradle

2004-11-22T17:45:00.000+05:30

It started officially on 13th March 2004. That is from my signature on the first page of my material. Approximately 250 days later, it is all over. Well, not really. Really, I don't know how I did. I am yet to see the answer key on any of the wesites of coaching institutes - but I know I am hanging there by the cliff. I'd like to believe that there is still hope for the likes of me - though news channels in their infinite wisdom believe in crushing the morales of people like me 2 hours after the test. I felt irritated watching those people jutting out numbers after numbers when it was obvious that they had'nt even seen the paper. Even if they had, they hadnt taken the test. They had no way of knowing the behaviour curve of people under a different set of variables. Having said that, my reaction to the impulse of surprise at the exam was hardly satisfactory. After all, there were things I knew quite well, but missed to score on mysteriously. I hope to remember next time this year that speed and time are inversely proportional to each other as well as I knew that the circumcenter, orthocenter and centroid of a circle lie on the same straight line. When you learnt complex things like those, you should have done better to solve simple percentage questions... but such is life. You never stumble on mountains - only on small pebbles. I have always prided myself for holding my nerve when things go against the tide. I always perform when the chips are down. Not this time. I should have done better but I panicked. And I have no one to blame but myself.

Where do I find light at the end of this tunnel? As always one does in retrospection, I find many. I put up a brave fight seemingly against all odds - with my work schedule and domestic/health issues. If I am going to miss this time, it will definitely be by whiskers. All my prep will not go in vain. There is another year. And after all, this is hardly a make or break test. I still have a job at the end of the day. I have fought a long and lonely battle - and given it the best I could in the time I could make for myself. And I am not a quitter.... So here's reconciliation prior to the results. If I am in, I am in - else - CAT has not seen the last of me.

All in a night's dream...

2004-11-08T22:25:00.000+05:30

The harassed and fatigued existence that I am leading these days trying to take control of my life and things that are happening in it - had a streak of hope for the future today.

It may sound silly to many - but I believe in dreams and their interpretations. At around 6:30 AM today, I had a vivid dream. I was in a small dinghy room and to one corner of it was a friend of mine resting on a couch. At the centre of the wall that I was facing was a square window just high enough so that I could peep out with my arms resting on the sill. I went ahead and peeped out of the window and I saw that the room that I was in, was several hundred feet above the ground - probably on a cliff. And I was looking out at a vast, green valley surrounded on all sides by long and steep ranges. And just as I finished taking a panorama view - a sudden streak of golden light hit me. Around the hemisphere formed by two ranges converging directly in line with my sight, a golden ball was emerging. I was witnessing a sunrise in my dream! The sunrise was so vivid and so stark that I was mesmerised while being in a dream already. I just stood watching the golden rays envelop the entire valley and strike my face and at once I woke up, and my spirits rose...and for once I woke up bright today.

I dont know how you are going to see it, but to me it was a divine signal that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. And when I started believing that, there suddenly seem to be events all over today that seem to suggest that the worst is defnitely over.

If there was something I needed right now, it was definitely this....

Sweepstakes

2004-11-02T22:54:00.000+05:30

Well, this is going to be the 155,673,456th blog in the cyberspace that touches on the US prez elections and there is hardly any aspect of it that has gone undiscussed. CNN and BBC are abuzz over how the US federal setup has too many loopholes and how the states - by choosing how many electoral votes does the popular winner gets - manipulate the outcome... and how this doesnt really seem to be an ideal democratic setup.

There actually are a few others who think - why the US elections are really nothing about democracy at all because 1/8th of the population of the world decide about how the world is going to suffer/prosper under its leadership for the next four years. This editorial in The Hindu for example a few weeks ago...

All said and done, the rest of the world can only wait and hope... for better sense to prevail. I, for one harbour no such illusions. My interest in seeing Kerry win - is little more than a desire to see a new face on television when the next bombing campaign of Upper West Saharan Africa is announced. I hope - he would come better prepared to the press conference - knowing the name of its capital.

Unfair and Ugly

2004-10-29T01:11:00.000+05:30

This one was to be about cricket - but respecting the sentiments of the countless majority who are mute witnesses to the slaughter of the Indian team at the hands of a second-rate Australian side, this will not be. (This is the way the world ends; This is the way the world ends; Not with a bang but with a whimper - TS Eliot)

Rather, this one is going to be about the side-effects of watching cricket matches. The acutest and by far the deadliest being - getting to know the commercial brands for all the wrong reasons. Come to think about it - cricket matches are bonanzas for the advertising world. You know why? - Because while watching matches, you rarely switch channels. Like - when Sehwag is 4 runs close to his 300 and the over is up and the ad break is on - you wont go anywhere near the TV remote to switch channels - lest you dont switch back in time to devour the moment. This phenomenon is more pronounced in ODIs but in tests. (I have witnessed riots in some families when somebody attempted to switch channels between overs) So, the not-so-enthusiatsic cricket fans amongst us - have to necessarily suffer the deluge of the garbage that parades in contemporary television as - advertisements.

So what takes the cake ? - Cosmetics and FMCGs. Now if these dont stink, what does? For examples, read this - A young lady accompanied by her friend goes to meet a young man in private - he happens to be her fiancee and she goes to ask him to refuse marriage to her - because she wants to be a doctor. The guy says - "OK" and her friend chips in "Jaldi maan gaya. Woh bhi nahin chahta tha kya?" ("Agreed too easily! Perhaps he didnt want it too ?") And so our heroine sulks and sulks - and finally realises that the reason for her depravity in life is - say it aloud - her unkepmpt hair!!!!!! - and - so you realise this is an ad for - horror of horrors - Sunsilk!!!!. I cannot believe Indian women can stomach such a blatant assualt on their intellect and self-respect. A woman who wants to be a doctor - a symbol for modernity, yet has to ask her fiancee to reject her - and yet not want to be seen as rejected - so hopelessly backward in thought. So - any Indian women reading this post - aren't you appaled that this is what you mean to the consumer-branded world? How is this ad still on air ?

And take this one - A mother asks her daughter to buy a cake of soap. And the girl leaves - before the mother realises that she hasn't mentioned which brand of soap to buy. And she starts panicking. She wonders aloud - "Oh, she is going to buy some third -rate soup, and get allergies, and pimples and .... she wont get married!!!!!" And she wanders the streets before finding her daughter already in the bath - with a cake of Hamam in hand and she breathes easy!!!! All you feminists of the nation - where have you disappeared???

And thats not all - Genelina D'Souza doing a Mandira Bedi act (I am deliberately avoiding any side stories about her .. lest I don't stop!) and making Kris Srikkanth drool - and lo - an ad for Fair and Lovely!.... A little girl keeps a count of shampoo sachets that the family uses, makes an intelligent decision and saves a previous Rs.2.50 for her dad - ladies and gentleman - Clinic Plus! .... A traditionally groomed daughter is accompanied by her father to a modelling agency - gets rejected - finds a herbal beauty prescription from a parchment preserved by her father and gets selected... beauty cream!!!!! Another irritating trend is blending in some inanely misfit Sanskrit verses to the ad like "Vakrathunda Mahakaya" or "Prasannavadanam"... in a drone male chorus to stupid situations (remember the riff for opening sequence for Chanakya on DD?) - perhaps in the hope that including these would make the story line less frivolous... Hello world - This is how we Indians market our goods! And you think India is becoming the knowledge capital of the world and you actually worrying about smart Indians takling your jobs.. Visit India once in a while - and you will never worry for the rest of your life!

Nowhere else in the world would you find Engine Oils being advertised on TV by celebrities. To this day, I can't decide why would engine oils require advertising in the first place. I have never seen a single biker insisting on engine oils at gas stations. Honestly, I can't think too clearly on what bike does Sachin endorse, or for that matter - what is Zaheer's favourite beverage? Though I remember Sachin riding a bike on TV and Zaheer sipping a cola - these images are all that gets registered. The crucial question of whether it is a TVS Victor or Hero Honda that Sachin rides or whether it is Pepsi or a Coke that Zaheer sips - gets lost. I can't see why advertisers don't realise that these stars eclipse their products with their own brand-images and in most cases advertising is a huge white elephant - that proves largely counter-productive.

When I was a kid, I loved the "Washing powder Nirmas", "Vajradanti, Vajradanti, Vicco vajradanti"s, the "Lifebuoy hain jahan - Thandurusthi hain wahan"s and the "Colgate ka Chota packet.. Colgate ka chota packet"s. These jingles were simple, straight-forward and friendly. They didnt target your intellect - nor tempt you you with vulgar stardom. All they had were simple and appealing messages. One incredibly powerful image - for Colgate - was the "Suraksha Chakra". The sequence gets over - and the narrator has just elucidated the salient features of the toothpaste and then just before the ad ends - a delightful ring encircles the happy family on screen. Remember Forhans? People on the screen testing the freshness of their breath - by breathing into a streteched palm. Kapil Dev did make Palmolive a "Lajawab" and proclaimed that Boost was the secret of the energy..but stars never ambushed the product on screen. I still remember an overgrown rabbit toy muching a papad and yelling - "Lijjat Paaaapppad." (That was made by Shree Mahila Griha Udyog Pribvate Limited.. not a sleak ad designed by Alyque Padamsee or Lintas) They made ads in those days- that people like me still remember after fifteen years. Today they make ads that you forget in fifteen seconds.

I wouldn't say that there are no ads today that are worth their salt. Hutch - for example..has run a phenomenal campaign - first with the kid with a dog - and then with boy-girl caricatures and now with simple animations. But, these are exceptions to a largely spineless commercial world. I wonder where is the marketing charm of the old world? What has happened to being sensitive to people's cultures and ethical marketing? What has happened to sounding intelligent? What is the idea behind making ads that suck so bad?

A part of me thinks that throughout the advertising world - there are people like me - whose job is not to make a product sell, but to rope in stars - make numbingly irritating plots and blend them with pop music - or the Chanakya overtures and mimick each other - univentive stuff. Perhaps the more they do this, the more they get paid. Probably... who knows?

Indians reading this post - Are we just another stupid, half-baked semi-commercialised civilization? Do we get only advertisements that we deserve? Is India going nuts - making and watching such ads?

A posteriori

2004-10-21T22:06:00.000+05:30

Improvisation sucks... for the uninitiated that is my stealthy reference to the comments section of my previous post. Bathos, thy name is Ditch...!!!!

Veerappan dead! - Thats the biggest news in some time. Relieved as most are, I can't digest how killing a 60-year old bandit - well past his prime, with dimming sight and quarelling colleagues - can be that heroic! As my good friend C puts it - "Veerappan dropped dead one morning, and the STF found his body , pumped in some bullets, and cashed in on it". Well, literally or figuratively, that sounds truer. Whatever, I ain't complaining. Let me not deny their fifteen seconds.

I am surprised GWB is still fighting for life and remarkably he is making progress... 3 messed up debates, tons of lies and the now infamous "scowls" later, he still leads the opinion polls! Strange, I thought. But, certainly not unexplainable. JK probably had his credibility permanently damaged with his inconsistent stands taken... and even I didnt like his reference to Cheney's daughter in the last debate.. pretty cheap and made me feel they are all the same. For a bunch of us out there, who used to think American unilaterlism is all about a change of command at the White House, there is a lot of rethinking to do.

Me and C had one of our usual arguments last week on Jayalalitha's interview with Karan Thapar for BBC's Hard Talk India. C felt J proved invincible and shut Karan up. I had to disagree. I think she felt first hand, what it means to answer questions. I think we let our politicians scot-free with too little to answer for. She was abysmally defensive, could answer and nothing sensible at all. C felt Karan's style of questioning was irrelevant and too personal. I thought, when Karan asked relevant questions, all that she could muster in reply was - "All lies. Me good. Media bad." What could the poor man do - he has to put in at least 20 minutes of something. And what's wrong if he asked - "if Jayalalithaa wasn't superstitious, why the extra "a"" ? C feels that one should'nt question motives of people in positions in which we don't find ourselves. I thought that is precisely the spirit of democracy. Does C mean people shouldn't vote? Look at the prez elections in the US. For all the money power that the candidates yield (news snippet- Around $1bn has been spent by both the candidates so far), you still need to win the hearts of a sizable chunk by making the right noises and answering questions.

For all that the US stands for today - I feel it shines above the rest by being 1) the most functional democracy in the world (where even GWB can't blame the media and get away with anything) and 2) for the dignity of labour (and the doughs) it offers to every vocation or profession (which Ditch would readily agree). But, a part of me also thinks, the vices of the US - arise precisely from these two virtues - probably an element of checks and balances is quite necessary - all quite debatable, indeed - but I have a long weekend and sleep to catch on... so let the world take care of itself.

For all you folks who can afford the luxury of online radio - check out Live 365 (living in the past) .... and listen to the collection you will never have.

PS: Just noticed - My blog opened its account with Google's pigeons. It now has a precious page rank of 1 /10 !!!!! Not bad, considering that the more prolific among us - still have'nt crossed 2/10. How do we make Google trust bloggers ???? (Well I can almost hear you saying - by letting them read your emails and desktop... but watch out.. I am STILL a google fan :) That's the night!)

The Junction

2004-10-15T23:21:00.000+05:30

I enjoy being a junction.
I am perennially at crossroads.
- X marks the spot.
And I determine how people swerve.
I think people realize that
-- That I make them swerve.
They do slow down
- when they get near
..and look hither and thither,
and gently pass...

When they don't,
they annoy me.
And I rip away their tires
and skid them off.
And make them whimper.
How exalted -being a junction!

I am the king of my domain.
The world moves around me- but not I.
I take pride In my exalted kingdom.
The Lord of the 20 * 20 metres
Do you know how many ants that can hold? - Trillions.
I am the Lord of them all!
Lord of the trillions!

People step over me,
And pass right across me.
And I bestow my grace on to them.
I can already imagine them
spending the rest of their lives
Thanking me.

Being a junction is about
Other things too.
Like, you decide who gets
The insurance money when vehicles collide.
I decide that by my potholes.
A junction is a perennial matchmaker.
I make people meet
And make them depart.
I am the random factor
that decides the constitution
of a complex society.
I have a pretty good word for myself - "The Constitutor"

And havent you heard people say -
Life is all about
being at the right place
at the right time?
I decide when I am right
to the right people.
(Really! I should get to know
more of such adages.
Feels good saying things like that!)

And then...Oh really...
plenty of other reasons to enjoy being a junction.

But, there are times when I dont understand,
where are those people who passed over me?
Where are they in space-time?
They surely are'nt afraid of me?
Exalted as I am,
I don't mind seeing people now and then.

I wonder where is that old man
who sat on the bench park yesterday
and talked to me about
his existential problems.
I decided to condescend
and lend my ear to him.
People glared at him
Obviously envious
That he got my treasured ear
For his problems.
That made me feel good.

There was a squirrel
That came by often
And made offerings of stolen grains.
But, once he was a bit too late
and my fuse blew.....
And a car ran over him.
Boy! that makes me sad.
And I punished myself
with more potholes.
I should never get that angry again.
The universe depends on me.
And I should be a little
more responsible.

I guess that is what repels people.
My temper.. Come on people.
What's with a little heat now and then?
I don't like hurting people.
OK here's a deal.
Come near.
And I wont hurt you. I swear.
You got what I am saying? Answer me.
Let us talk this through.
I wont hurt you.

Wont you come back
and stop by a poor old junction?
The one that you passed by.
Hello? Is there anybody listening?
I think people
Are still quivering in their beds
Having nightmares about me.
Ok psst.. psst..here's a secret.
I enjoy that too.
To think that people are always thinking
and worrying about me.
Wow! How exalted I am!

Forget it...I enjoy being a junction.
I am perennially at crossroads.
- X marks the spot.
And I determine how people swerve.

Children of lesser truths

2004-10-08T01:41:00.000+05:30

The Messiah will come only when he is no longer necessary; he will come only on the day after his arrival; he will come, not on the last day, but on the very last. - Franz Kafka

"Special child" - A strange euphemism to make.
How can a child not be special?
Isn't that understating the obvious?
To know why - meet one.

There is something about her,
That takes a long while for you to figure out.

A shy girl of fourteen - she is.
One look - and you know something's amiss.
Poor you - how would you know any better?

She won't come to you at once.
She won't look at you in the face.
You would not notice her study you.
Dissect you. Evaluate you.
And it is no mean feat
To earn her trust.

Have you focussed on a rainy day -
And waited for the last drop?
Her smile is like that.
Finally it comes - and when it comes
Something skips a beat.

There's something about her.
The way she plays
The way she handles mundane playthings.
The way she goes round and round
The way she giggles and asks for attention.

It's not beauty - that's for sure.
At least the way you see it at first.

You can't ask much of a fourteen-year old.
who has a vocabulary of thirty words
and weighs a measly twenty-five kilos.
legs and arms sticking right through the skin,
Poorly cushioned by flesh.
Her tiny heart punctured with three holes
(The last angiogram declared)
And the most strikingly unplesant fact of all
- she has an IQ of 35.

But she makes you forget all that.
As she thrusts a play comb and a folded paper,
On to your hand and hides behind a wall
Waiting for you to come for her,
She teaches you something.
And she teaches you well.

Lesson Number one - She "is".
She "is not" because she "thinks"
She "is" because she smiles.

Still she goes round and round in her blissful world
There she skips and plays
and mumbles incoherent words
and mimes imperfect tunes
and makes odd gestures
and laughs boisterously.

She lives and so do you...
She is supposedly insane
But what are you ?
And you know - she asks you that
Through that impecunious grin.

And that's lesson two.

Her life defined in her
restricted movements
somehow gets you to think
of the pointlessness of yours.

Her life - a blank slate with no meaning
Your life - smeared with chalk
With lots and lots - none correct.

As you keep pondering
she falls asleep.....on your lap.

And so she sleeps and dwells in herself
And her inexpressible dreams
More importantly...
she has a clean slate ready for tomorrow.
Have you?
....Lesson three.

And your legs refuse to move.
Not jut because they are cramped.
But, because you now know
That there are not as many truths in this universe
as esoteric philosophies.
And that the one truth -
that deserves to be known
She taught you that.

That something there is about life
That is beyond beauty
and is beyond knowledge
It is a blissful emptiness
Called innocence
and the yonder-world Called love.
A love that can forget the loved.
By the way,
You don't expect her to remember you tomorrow.
Do you ?

When you realise that....
All is right with your world again.

And in gratitude,You enact the modern Karna
And prefer to be stung
Than to swerve and disturb
The sleeping Guru.

And so when you despair of life
And curse the man above,
...before you push the button
...meet a special one.
Just dont be foolish to sympathise.
But stoop in reverence and learn learn these
Lesser truths.

The Savior

2004-10-01T21:30:00.000+05:30

Sometimes, channel surfing brings its moments. Yesterday, I decided to take my morning off from work. As I was absent-mindedly switching channels, I managed to catch a glimpse of a war movie in Zee MGM.
The movie was titled 'The Savior'. It is about an American mercenary soldier Joshua, who loses his wife and son in a terrorist attack launched by Islamic extremists in a Parisian cafe. He reacts in anger, and walks down to a nearby mosque and shoots down dozens of Muslims and goes into hiding. His hatred unsated, he enlists on the side of the Serbs in their Bosnian war against Muslims and Croats. He befriends Goran, a war-hardened Serb in whom he finds a companion to slaughter people with. To both, Muslims represent ugly beasts - easy targets for retribution for all that is lost in their lives. As they go on the rampage - massacre after massacre, butchering even innocent children in cold blood, they reach a prison camp, where they free a Serb woman, Vera. She has suffered from repeated torture and rape, by a Muslim prison-guard and she comes out of her ordeal only half-alive, with her spirit broken.....and is pregnant. She deems that her body has been "defiled", and having been raised in a tradition with strong sentiments of "honour", starts hating herself. Goran and Joshua, decide to take her to her parents' home, but Goran fumes in disgust, when he finds that Vera was impreganted by a Muslim. He blames her for "allowing herself to be raped by a Muslim" and "for still being alive." Wild with hatred, he throws her out of the moving vehicle and aims to gun her and her child down. Joshua, hardened as he is, cannot see an innocent woman of the "right creed" killed and also is perhaps, taken in by the "victim syndrome". In a rare moment of heightened sensitivity, Joshua, picks up his weapon and shoots Goran dead. And his life changes forever...

Vera goes into labour and helped by Joshua, delivers a baby girl but the woman, who is painfully reminded of her "defilement", attempts suicide only to be stopped in time by Joshua. Vera is so taken by her 'guilt' over the baby, especially after Goran's vitriol unleashed on her, that she refuses to mother the baby. The confused Joshua drives her home, where Vera's mother receives the starving baby and revives it to life. When all seems relatively calm, and when Joshua thinks about leaving, Vera's father and brother enter the scene. Both are soldiers fighting in the war. Not quite unexpectedly, they receive the news of the baby girl with shame, and the happiness in receiving the news of their kin's survival quickly melts away in the fire of hatred. The father cringes in disgust, and demands Vera to get out of his sight. Joshua has no option but to take her elsewhere where she might find refuge. He decides to take her to Split with the intention of handing her over to the Red Cross. But, a nerve snaps in her father's head and he and his son rush after them with the resolve to finish her off and salvage the family's honour. The need for a symbol of perpetration to vent their anger on for their horrors towers even over love for their kin, and destructive retribution is what they need now, and nothing else matters. Joshua and Vera manage to evade them, but not for long. The father manages to pin down Vera, when Joshua is away to find food, and hands a pistol over and asks her to kill herself and the baby. Vera's motherly instincts are now heightened, and she decides to fight for the sake of the baby. Joshua steps in just at the right moment, and in the ensuing clash, gets shot in the abdomen. Sense prevails in the subsequent emotional melee, and her repentant brother convinces his father to spare their lives, who leaves them to their fate. And so they leave, defeated in even finding a symbol today for their anger. Joshua takes a liking to Vera, and offers to take her out of the country. But, Vera is too entrenched in her misery and suffering. She declares - that with all its faults this is her land and these are her people, and nothing can change it. If at all there is somebody to be blamed, it is herself, for not having ended it all at the right moment.

As fate would have it, they run out of gas and cannot drive to Split. They have to take a ferry across a river to reach the road from where they hope to get on a bus. They hide for sometime in a disused boat and Vera asks Joshua to take care of the child so that she can flag down a bus that is going to Split. Vera does find a bus, populated with Serbs but it is on a wrong mission. It is being led by Croats who are leading the passengers to the death point, which happens to be next to the boat. Joshua watches in agony from his hiding place, as Vera is executed brutally, and forces the baby to silence, to avoid being spotted. Realising that the baby is going blue not a moment too soon, he goes hysterical and tries to fitfully revive it....and is rewarded with the strong wails of the baby. This moment of struggle with a thin thread of life, reawakens him to his plight and the spark of humanity is re-lit in his heart. He manages to get to Split and leaves the baby in a Red Cross vehicle and walks away aimlessly. He shuns his weapons and as he lies sobbing - repenting a wasted life and coming to terms with his animal past posed against a rewakened soul, a woman working for Red Cross approaches him with the baby and makes him see the possibility of redemption and a new begining. And he walks away towards the sunset...with the baby.

Supposedly based on a true story, Dennis Quaid plays Joshua, and puts up a sterling performance. IMDB rates the movie with 7.1/10 and I can hardly see why. In my own personal roster, it shot right upto the top 10. There are suggestions in the discussion forums though, that it is heavily plagiarised from "Behind Enemy Lines." Not having watched the latter.... no opinions offered. But, don't miss this movie the next time it gets screened... you will have to keep looking, because really good movies don't get hot trailers on movie channels.

I am dead....

2004-09-23T01:07:00.000+05:30

... in the middle of a swampy life. I want to quit. I want to sleep. I desperately need a break.

Its already tomorrow... sigh!

Approximation of Pi

2004-09-15T17:19:00.000+05:30

Life of Pi has been put down finally... and I must admit my introduction in the previous post did not do justice to the book. Not that I feel I erred in teasing out non-existent flaws... but..because the flaws were irrelevant to what the book turned out to be in the end.. absolutely fabuolus. No question - I was a bit premature in judging the book by the first 100 pages.

6 reasons why this book is recommended. (Spoiler warnings implied)

6. It is clean. You can present the book to your 15 year old nephew/niece. Chooses not to be among the esoterica.

5. It is compelling. It is NOT a simple adventure story as you would soon realise. Elements of behaviour analysis, negative psychology, fear, hunger, tragedy, horror, faith, hope, desperation ... It is a human story (and an animal one too...) To make "a book about a boy, a hyena, a zebra, a female orang-utan and a 450 pound Bengal tiger on a lifeboat in the Pacific" (as the journals kept reminding us following the Booker award) is convincingly more than that. And the way it all turns out to be in the end makes it a chillingly human story.

4. It is powerful... "as gentle and powerful as a kiss on the cheek from a little girl" - in Pi's own words at some point. Dialogues stutter at times. But, the narrative more than makes up for it...

3. The language - Uncomplicated, simple, unpretensive and earnest. Thoughtful one-liners. Interesting structure.

2. The yarn - Fantasy? Adventure? Satire? Dark humour? Climactic? Anti-climactic? - Gripping! I remember my uncle narrating "Guns of Navarone" over a period of fifteen days to a bunch of us - when I was twelve. This one was like that. Narration is a remarkable talent and well exhibited in this book.

1. The ending. You have not read the book until you have read the last 100 pages. Especially the last 10 pages. Especially knowing the horrific brutal truth in the end. Especially flipping back the pages and looking for clues that were always there. Especially when the disbelieving Omamoto accepts disbelief rather than having to reconcile with the horrors of humanity.

The very last sentence of the book nails the human condition. We are unaware of the heights and depths that mankind can reach. Humans under "laboratory conditions" don't believe in ourselves. Expose ourselves to less than ideal conditions, and we will do precisely what we don't believe. The laboratory humans will believe in anything but the extremes of human possibilities - how noble can we be and how deep can we fall. The humans "out there" know better.

"Which is the better story" - How you come out of the story places you in the scheme of things and tells you things about yourselves. The way I saw it, Omamoto represents the vain disbelievers who keep the world grinding. He had to necessarily disbelieve - and take shelter in the incredible rather than the horrible. That was not true of me... I am a fatalist!

Did I talk about failed analogies in my previous post ? Forgive me Yann... this is just a blog and I am hardly a scholar. Let me be honest. That was a good book.

Empty symphonies, desperate peddlers and Pi

2004-09-13T20:59:00.000+05:30

And finally... we did make it to the movies. Bangalore saw some respite when a few theatres decided to dust up a few "not so new" reels and put them on show for the greater good of the world. So, on Saturday we went biking to "Kill Bill" Vol - 2. Just as we reached the Residency Road - Hosur Road junction the skies gave way and we were skin drenched by the time we reached Symphony.

To tell you the truth, we were expecting a truckload of starved Bangaloreans, like those famished villagers you see every year on TV - stranded atop the roofs of houses during floods. When food packets are thrown, they scramble like marbles towards the lowest point. I was expecting a riot - make no mistake. But, how mistaken could you be, there were just idlers around. We reached the theatre at 8:30 PM. On being asked when the counters would open, the man at the door proclaimed - "Another half hour." And with stealthy, shameless impunity he added, "But for twenty rupees more, I could get you the tickets now." I took a look around. It was plain obvious that even if they were to hawk tickets for free, the theatre might just not be filled - the violence, rain, stupidity and all... I gave a cold stare at the man and said, "Never mind! If there are no tickets by the time we come back, we would gladly miss the movie."
I was reflecting on this later. I evaluated the man's attempt over a steaming cup of soup. Oh, could you even blame him! He would have started that day with the hope that the theatres would overflow with famished stupid "S/W - ines". He would have hoped that his liquor budget for the day was taken care of. But, I still couldnt digest his effort to sell me tickets at a premium, when it was obvious to a kiddo - that there was no way that the theatre would get filled and absolutely no way that somebody would go "black" to a movie which gets screened every alternate day on "Ice Plus" (That's a stealthy cable channel which with alacritous benevolnece - screens movies that you dont expect to see for another month. So popular it is, that there is not one vanilla version - "Ice" , but another one aptly called "Ice Plus". Did I hear somebody complaining about VCD piracy? Learn to tune your TV sets properly.)

Desperation! It was then that I realised that a simple truth like a theatre shutting shop for two weeks, devastates a lot of people - the man who sells pop corns, the restuarant above, the pav bhaji wala next door, the pani poori wala outside , the mad crank who performs acrobatic stunts on the portico and collects money (I reserve a certyain level of admiration for this twenty-somethinger - he at least does something - which is eye catching you should admit - before he begs), the parking fee collector - all these on the legal side. On the wrong side of "what we take to be the law" - we have the shady peddler of tickets, the auto wallahs, the pocket pickers, the policemen at 12'o clock... You should admit, a lot goes on at the movies, and it is a "greater", "more real" truth for these people when theatres shut shop.

The movie ? - Forget it. It was what you always suspected. It's official - Quentin Tarantino is just one of those crazy little buffons, who get a little attention by startling people. You can't startle people twice. The first one was good because of all the martial arts, the cartoons, BGMs, "chapter form" and all. Admit it, you can't take that twice.

Currently reading - "Life of Pi" - came away from the cup board after spending one year hibernating among mothballs. It is a good read definitely. I remember feeling ridiculous at the thought of a book that talked of a boy, a Bengal tiger, a hyena and a zebra on a lifeboat winning a Booker. My My! What all can you get away with these days. It all started with that Jesuit who thought he could talk about two days in Dublin - and walk away to glory. (He did and the book wasnt "just about two days in Dublin", but what he did next took the pie - trying to write in a language that is yet to be invented :) Joyce freaks - sorry, but get a life).

But, the book is'nt so fleeting as I thought. The vocabulary doesnt purport to do much. Simple English, comprehensible to an eigth grader has a natural charm. (Example: "The ship sunk." begins the chapter on the disaster.) The zoology behind the book and the animal behaviour stuff makes intersting reads - I don't how zoologists rate this book. The book is clean nevertheless and has its moments. And dont get me to talk about its successor for the Booker. You would prefer this infinitely. I had only a few gripes so far - the cliched treatment of religions - ie, when you talk about Hinduism and Islam - you should round it up with Christianity too. Or the other way around.And you should bring the communist, biology teacher face to face with the Muslim priest at the zoo . And have some 70s Bollywood mush like this (dont laugh - this one is cut straight from the book) -

A zebra, you say? said Mr. Kumar.
"That's right," I replied.
"It belongs to the same family as the ass and the horse."The Rolls Royce of equids," said Mr. Kumar.
"What a wondrous creature," said Mr. Kumar.
"This one's a Grant zebra," I said.
Mr. Kumar said, "Equus burchelli boehmi."
Mr. Kumar said, "Allahu akbar."
I said, "It's very pretty."
We looked on.

Writing is so much about "contrived symmetry" these days. You don't find anybody write a socially dissecting novel without discovering "full circles." Analogies dont look great when imposed on ideas, because you cant just create isomorphism. Isomorphism is the essence of representative art and not just the garnishing. Dont get me wrong - there are people who garnish well (Eg. Rushdie) and there are those who prepare wholesomely smooth but unembellished stuff (Eg. RK Narayan) . But rarely do you find anybody writing stuff that is both granuarly harmonious, and also dazzle at the outside (I intend to admit Tolkien into this category, but I do have reservations)

Also purchased this week - "The Good Earth" - Pearl S Buck, "Grapes of Wrath" - Steinbeck, "Malgudi Landscapes" - RK Narayan and "Riot" - Shashi Tharoor (all by recommendations - the last one by Jack of all Jacks - so should be good.) That should ideally keep me busy for the next six months - if I get ready time, that is.

Feline front is not all that bad - With the amount of time that I spend on preparations, I should be zucking. Something is keeping me afloat. Need a change. Hope I do make it this year.

And just something to sign off...

2004-09-01T22:30:00.000+05:30

Happened to read the following excerpt from my Guru's talks and thought I will share this amazing truth:

You know there is a principle in physics (when dealing with light) reflection - that a green object appears green because it absorbs everything else and reflects only green. Yellow object appears yellow, because it absorbs everything else and reflects the yellow component of light. And one child - I read this in a book - says why God cannot be seen, because He absorbs everything and reflects nothing. I mean it is a very stupendous concept. Therefore He is able to absorb our prayers, He is able to absorb our praises, and even our curses. He is able to absorb all these in Himself and reflects nothing. Therefore whatever we say, whatever we do, we are unable to see. Now, if we want to be like Him - there is so much talk about humility and similar praiseworthy traits - I would suggest that if we want to be like Him we have to develop this capacity to absorb everything that is hurled at us. I deliberately use the word hurled because praise is often hurled at us. People think humility is only in denying praise. It is also in denying condemnation. If a man says, "Sir, everybody is blaming me but I am not bothered about it, let them blame me," he is taking pride in his blameworthiness. He is making use of the situation where he is blamed to create an ego situation for himself out of that and seeking some sort of sympathy from the external world. We should be non-reactive. God is non-reactive - He is not bothered about the way we praise Him because instantly He doesn't dole out something we want. Nor is He bothered about our criticism and our condemnation. He doesn't come and justify Himself and say, "No, no, brother you are wrong. Your child was this and this and this in the past janma [life], and therefore he has to go." No God has appeared and said these things. He is quiet. He is what He is as my Master used to say. God is God. God can be nothing else.

Sleepy...

2004-09-01T22:00:00.000+05:30

Feeling absolutely tired today. When I checked in at work, I found that it was true of everybody around me. Everybody was either dozing off or cribbing about feeling sleepy. Off to the cafeteria and found people readily flocking with me for a cafe latte. Strange... I guess Bangalore is in the midst of some sleep charm unleashed by a wizard. Not complaining as I have a long weekend in store.

Reading with interest Guiliani's exploits in the R- convention at New york. An article in today's Bangalore supplement of The Hindu puts things to a better perspective. I definitely feel that the ship is sinking and bush's days are numbered. But, who knows... you never know with these Americans ! I am not too supportive of Kerry either. Frankly, it is a race between equal evils, but of course...."Anybody but Bush."

"Perusu" returns

2004-08-27T22:05:00.000+05:30

Hello world! For unknown reasons, I am not writing as much as I did before. A friend of mine mailed me last week, demanding to know why I was silent on our mailing list. Actually, I didn't realise I was dormant for so long until he brought this to my attention. Simply put, I did not find anything interesting to chew or spit :)

Anyway, for the sake of completing the formalities of breaking the ice, here's my status update:

1. Work is a bot heavy for now. Not that I am really overworked, but just enough to keep you from thinking about stupid things.

2. Coupla friends flew to US to pursue their Masters and PhDs. Here's wishing them well.

3. Older by another year. Every passing year adds to my sense of balance. I am less and less the "old man in the young man's body" and more and more the "old man in the old man's body."

4. Living in a world without movies. Some wizardos in Bangalore decided that if they stopped screening English movies, everybody would still flock to the cinemas and devour any flavour of puke made in regional languages. With just 28% speaking Kannada, I just cannot stand these set of idiots who want to relish all the prosperity that IT is bringing to the city, but cannot tolerate the sensitivities of people who come with it. No offense to Kannada theatres or artists. I have enjoyed pieces like "Hayavadana" by Girish Karnad and "Mahabharata" by the late GV Iyer. But, all that you see today are Upendras ("Yella OK, Cool Drink Yaake?" being the single most dishonourable thing that an actor can ask the youth of the city in a surrogate ad) who dance in space-suits to music lifted from out of fashion bands, 5 minutes after his mother was crushed to death by the villain's bullock cart.

Not satisfied with having blocked the cine-theatres (to which they have every right to), they decided they wanted to do somethign more outrageous.... a procession from the busy Mysore Bank circle to Vishan Soudha, putting lakhs of commuters to hardship in the roads of an already suffocating city.

Then comes the CET- Engineering admission fiasco and the accompanying suicides! I really wonder - how long can three groups of people stop an issue from getting resolved. And people have the temerity to call Bangalore the "knowledge capital" of India! I am sure the combined IQ of people living here is hovering at sub-atomic levels. (of course contributed by fellow S/W engineers - to whom I reserve my choicest abuses - for another post.)

5. Something still aches in me from my last post. Something ain't the same anymore... Like... Why should I care about things anymore?????

Refrigeration

2004-08-09T23:51:00.000+05:30

The world has revolved beneath my feet 6 times since the last post and much water hath flown.

Last week was no time for introspection and late night blogging. Am now caught properly at work and for a change I am overworking.

Last week was also melancholy and shocking with the death of a close relative - When I saw his tightly packed body in a refrigerated compartment - I was stunned by the force of it all. Talking of death is no match for coming face to face with it. Here was the person I was joking with a couple of months ago. Here was the person who requested me to keep visiting his home so that his old mother can find some solace in my company (which as an unmarried son, he could scarcely provide). And here was he lying - leaving a thriving business shattered, an old mother's shadow days wrecked and everyone else stunned and all of 40.... I couldnt resist imagining myself in that refrigerator with people asking irrelevant questions "What happened ?", "All of a sudden....???" and "When does the body go out" and if Deccan Herald has carried his photograph and what of the new car and the apartment and the business? Already he was gone... Though people kept thekmselves reminded of him... he was gone the moment he was gone.... Gone out of the world... Gone out of the people's lives... Gone out of the consciousness... He was past and he was past....

I don't remember him for being good or being emotionally close or for other sentimental reasons. Greatness, nobility or notoriety brings with it the dramatics where even one's death is an anticipated event or cause for appropriate celebration/mourning. This one was horrifying - oh, if I can express the horror - because he was so normal..... so average ... so human.... When I think of that and the face of his poor old mother, it numbs my entire being.

I couldnt bear to sit there beyond an hour and slipped away back home after mumbling meek excuses to my parents. Ill health prevented my further brooding that very day. But, something in me has changed....since Saturday. This is Monday now - a Monday without the person in question living. Soon there will be a Monday without me. Soon there will be a remembrance day for me. Soon there will be a day where I will be forgotten. Soon there will be a Monday without me.....

.....Perhaps it was the refrigerator.

Getting a life...

2004-07-29T22:23:00.000+05:30

Ok.. people. I am gonna take a break from all this. I have received too many mails from people (Of course, people I know... who else reads such rigmaroles!) with the choicest abuses demanding to know which alien species is performing brain surgery on me. One also wanted me to teach him the new language I have learnt to write in or else to shut up (heavily censored). So for the next few posts, resolved to be a tolerable human again and resolved not to torture myself and a dozen wretched souls with my visceral contents... (Tell me abt keeping resolutions...ed)

I managed to convince a lot of people today at work that I am really doing no work! Pretty antithetic situation, you know...People out there think a 24 X 7 broadband internet connection is the panacea to world's problems. Hope they rot in hell with a monitor in front of them and a high speed connection for 100000 years with NO REAL WORK. Of course, framing management templates that will never be used and doing code documentation and making it look like work will make the experience a little more surreal. (Did I tell you ever before that I suspect Albert Camus probably worked on code documentation when he was writing "The Myth of Sisyphus"? - ed)

Believe me, it is really tough to convince people these days that there can be somebody who does no work! Of course, you have to make them agree that what you "think is work" is what is really "work" and what you do and what they think is "work" is not work. Especially if you have been slogging for long hours for three weeks, they think here is an unstoppable machine that will keep generating work that will be consumed by itself. They simply don't believe you. "Common, don't kid me. How can you be without work". Pretty comic, if you think about it!

So I decided to get my chosen weapon out of my armour. Out came Powerpoint - out came management bullshit vocabulary (You know - "proactive", "potential","pipeline", "utilization metrics") and a couple of pie charts (having providentially stumbled upon these tools, I would be eternally greatful to MS Excel - respect for the enemy you see). Today was really my day. I was expecting my boss and my boss's boss to attend to my talk. Out of the blue came two other people - to my horror - the head of my country operations! (I did think about melting through the carpet and reappearing ala Terminator -2 but such evolutionary processes are million years down the line - some of our more talented S/W professionals are really a whole new species in the making. - ed's afterthought)

But, that could'nt happen and having committed to speak at the meeting, I had to. And I decided "enough is enough" and started boldly. Of course, "not working" became "potentials for utiliation", "trivial issues" became "problems successfully dealt with", "time wasted" became "Knowledge transfer lead time", "getting our ass going" became "streamlining and proactive activities" and so on. (You know the old one about diplomacy being the way of asking someone to go to hell so that the listener actually looks forward to the trip). So, I paced along not once looking at anyone in the eye..... and to my surprise at the end of the talk, there was ... applause from all quarters!!! The high-boss praised my "analysis" and wonder of wonders, asked me to forward the presentation to him for him to analyse in better detail!!!

After the meeting, my boss told me that - indeed the higher-ups were long discussing the possibility of diminishing work pressure with better streamling and hence the need to accomodate better circulation of work and resources. So, I hit the nail then! I actually told the high-boss that what he predicted was actually coming true!!!! Not only did I live to see another day - but as I came out people indeed started looking at me admiringly - because I DID NOT WORK!!!

But, will there be "real work" for me tomorrow ? Hope not! After all I have the 24 X 7 connection and happy higher-ups ;-)

Moral of the story :- Give them hell! But use pie charts!

Futility....

2004-07-28T22:34:00.000+05:30

...if you want to know what that means... listen to "Us and Them" by Floyd.

The League of Extraordinary mesmerizers....

Imagery - Robert Frost
Reverie - S&G
Life - Vivaldi
Ease - Yanni
Harmony - Pink Floyd
Sinking Horror - Hemingway
Mundane - Philip Larkin, R K Narayan
Depressed terror- W.H. Auden
Melancholy - Emily Dickinson
Richness - Sarojini Naidu
Passion - Pablo Neruda, Subramanya Barathi, Vivekananda
Beauty - Tagore
Legends/Tales - Tolkien, Kalki Krishnamurthy
Magic - Rushdie

~WW

Food for thought

2004-07-28T20:45:00.000+05:30

Currently studying the analysis of another "amateur" economist on the web (Check it here) and trying to see if this will make me change my mind.....

~WW

Feedback on Angle -1

2004-07-27T20:38:00.000+05:30

"YuktiYuktam" had given a feedback on my posts and he had mentioned a few points which he feels contradicts my analysis. The following are my attempts at these questions.

YY - "You are living in the technological world. While you keep using all of technology in your daily lives, you do not have a right to talk about its flaws. Why don't you go to the forest and then preach ? "

Woodworm - The problem is one of objectivity. I had indicated in my posts that the situation is scarcely escapeble today. Because all forms of economics do not only affect the persons following the system but also people outside it. For example, the deforestration in Amazon. The tribes of Amazon - never exposed to the outside world are being plundered of their forest cover though they have nothing to do with all this business of technology at all. My argument stems on this fact - "I can escape to the forest today.... But it is not going to take long before they come after me." It is exponential - remember! It is simply not a question of one fellow bailing out.

For people who think that the above answer is totally escapist, I have another pointer. If you are on a truck going at 200 miles an hour on a road that leads staright to a cliff. You are about to fall over in 3 km. You are not at the wheel. Somebody else is in control. Now, you try telling the man that there is going to be a huge fall. He says - "I dont think so. I think I am going to the correct place. If you don't think so, get out now." or even worse - "I know that too. But, I am enjoying the ride. If you dont, get out now" He is not going to stop the vehicle for me to get down. I have to risk jumping out of the truck going at 200 mph and get myself badly wounded or I have to jump over the cliff. Human instinct tells me - do not do anything rash now. If I have to leave the system like this, I am going to destroy myself and so is every other individual (which is why we have many many psychological wrecks..... remember Phaedrus from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance....) because I am not adaptible to a sudden shift in my existential reality. The best way to change a system is from inside it. Neither can you bring about change in an instant. It is a process. Somebody has to convince the truck driver to decelerate before it is too late. But, maybe somebody will listen to my screams. Maybe I can convince 10 more people on the truck about the cliff. And may be... just may be the truck driver will get convinced.

.....Alternatively, somebody else can convince me that my arguments against technology are nonsense and it is not a doomsday that I see there but pure garbage. Unfortunately, this I have'nt heard so far. I am just waiting for one positive response from somebody who can say why my arguments (less than 1% of which is original.. most of which have been presupposed by many thinkers) are all bull... and I should just clear my head up and get a life and maybe some sleep.

Also, I wish to question YuktiYuktam - "Is self-introspection wrong? If man is to be happy with the way things are, why do people introspect? " (I feel it is again my "tendency vector" to feel oppositely). To me - it is not a question of starting a doomsday cult "Us vs Them." I feel it is a problem that we as humanity face and not what I as a human face. I am part of the problem. And I am introspecting. Changes follow introspection - not the other way around. Hope this answers your question.

YY - "I don't want to be a caveman. Your index of progress is different from mine. How can you say we have'nt progressed. The very fact that I no longer have to deflea my lover and hunt for food shows to me that I have progressed. If you dont think so, it is your point of view."

Woodworm - I wish I could agree with you. The problem is you need an external hold to determine whether or not we are right. The indicators should be outside though you are inside. To me the chief and most important indicator of "something fishy" is the way we have destroyed nature and environment. The way we cause global warming. My last post concludes with this -
"And since I am firmly uncompromising on "pristine nature" as an effective indicator of progress, the "economic progress" that we see - I think - is illusory. I can only say that economics is taking us nowhere. Or is taking us on a highway 200 miles in the wrong direction. "
Since, it has been shown that the bulk of population explosion, environmental pollution, and the rape of nature has happened since industrial revolution and has exploded in the 20th century, I can smell something wrong. And I reject anything that smells bad.

If you think you are okay with destroying nature and going against human instinct to "achieve" things - I am afraid you are in a minority. Yes, you are entitled to that PoV. I just don't think you feel that way - do you?

YY - "We are learning. We have not mastered the art"

Woodworm - I partially agree, because if all of mankind had that higher vision of predicting these disasters - we would not be in this mess. But, there is a difference between learning to drive in your backyard and learning to drive on the superhighway. You will not be saved on the superhighway just because you are a tyro at all this. Somebody better stop the car and get the kiddo out.

After everything, I am convinced of one thing. If and when the cataclysm of nature happens, it may not destroy everything forever. Just maybe it will come like a forest fire that destroys tall trees but lays the foundation for a more measured life propogation on the ground. Nature can heal itself - true. But the deadline cannot be imposed by man. It would take its own time, place, mode and method of healing itself. "The meek shall inherit the earth" - is so true in this respect.

So we better learn fast. Or be prepared in waiting for the boss Nature to show who is the boss. In all probability, it would not be a lesson you would like to learn.

Hope you find these thoughts acceptable. If not, I am willing to listen to anything further.

~WW

Angle -1 concluded

2004-07-26T22:02:00.000+05:30

Providing a critique of communism is the most cliched topic in the history of political science. To prevent readers from nodding off, I am going to make the usual tirades quick - and elaborate only on those points that I think needs greater clarity.
The first problem with arguing for/against communism is the problem of identifying what exactly is the defenition for communism. For Karl Marx, Communism was an established utopic state of progress - or a desirable economic condition that supposedly existed in an "evolved society". But, for many in the panicky "Pax America" - it epitomized pure evil. Some over-enthusiastic American televangelists even proclaimed once (and continue to do so...) - "God is American. Satan and Anti-Christ are communists". Marx himself is often described as not a Marxist. Because, he stopped with the theoretical aspects of an ideal society, leaving the rest of the bunch to fight it out on the possibilities and methods of achieving that state. So thence came Leninism, Stalinism, Trotskyism, Maoism and all so different 'ism's. To the non-Communist world it was all too much to follow. And at one point, they decided that all this is a great sham and to them Communism represented one big virulent evil, which even when it goes by any other name should be crushed. And for very good reasons - it seems today, because there exists no more than 5 highly unstable communist states today and every other state has collapsed almost exclusively brought down by the people themselves for want of one thing - the freedom to do what they want.

The failure of these states is not only in "not achieving the utopic world". That is too far-fledged an assumption. The failure lied in imposition of a system on people - and when something is imposed there already is - an imposer and the imposed - and communism was supposed to have done away with that. The human instinct seems to be at least wanting to be deluded into believing that the imposer is also at the mercy of the imposed. This would perhaps explain why communism still flourishes in democracies like India. In Kerala and West bengal states, communist governments are democratically elected repeatedly and continue to charm the people - only because the people know they have a "potential to kick them out every five years"

Firstly, in dealing with personal freedom or the illusion of having it, we come across one important finding that have been indicated over and over by many commentators. "Human society, as it exists today, cannot be unified as an individual entity - displaying the characteristics of a natural life-form". To illustrate this, we can perhaps invoke the example of mitochondria - the power units inside animal cells. It is postulated that millions of years ago, mitochondria existed as separate living species. But, as evolution proceeded, these mitochondria became fused with other cells and thereby creating one larger body of life. Communism seems to presume that this is what is to be true of human society. The society should be one mass life object - which is fed by individual humans. Somehow, this concept ruptured. Many people - (Suggestions: We the Living - by Ayn Rand and 1984 by George Orwell) seem to refer to the missing link which caused this rupture to be the incongruence of possibilities in individuals. In other words, it is merging too much into too little. It is like trying to pack 10 tonnes of clothes in one suitcase and using scissors to cut everything that protrudes out.
In going with our "AB introspections", it can be argued that to many of us - our freedom to do things is a necessary right and precondition for our well being. Even if we do not aspire for B - or if we do not have an intention to pursue a path AB, we need to identify with the potentiality that we can at some point frame an AB for ourselves. We dont like people telling us "You are not going anywhere", or "Move! Move! Forward march!"

Secondly, communism also tends to take the life and soul of humans away and impose the life and soul on the society. The individual becomes a machine and becomes an instrument to technology and technology cannot make better bedmates with anything other than machines. In a nutshell, communism is not a mere partner to techology - in a sense that both feed on each other like capitalism, but communism is a philosophy that advocates unrestrained honour of mechanization itself. The massive industiral units of Soviet union, the giant collective farms and the ambitious space and nuclear programmes that it purused - all stand in testimony to this fact. "Mechanics of technology" and "communism" seem no different from each other. Communism - is like technology waking up and asking people to merge into itself, making technology as the watch God of humanity. It is a strange case of the worship of the inanimate and inhumane. Rejecting religion, rejecting humanity, rejecting freedom and rejecting all that is natural, communism force worships machines and technology suppressing all that differentiates humankind from ants. And if one man can work through the machines and can take control of them, it is enough to wreak havoc - Stalin and Mao being the examples in point. For when an individual is relieved of being a humble supplicant to a superhuman oppression, he is vulnerable to the possibility of showing the extreme negative - that of supreme control of the other humans.
Thus, to summarise:

1) A group of people is not a person at least in the normal sense of numbers. The "wholeness" of the society also depends a great deal on the willingness of the people or the resistance-lessness of the people or what I call "harmonious orientations of all aspects of existence" on the part of the people to be counted as a whole. It perhaps took millions of years for the mitochondria to fuse as a life within life. And only because, the entities seemed to want to fuse perfectly for mutual benefit. No matter how hard you try - one cannot make two things fuse into each other and still make the combined mass work just because you are squeezing them harder and harder. If you squeeze a mango against an orange - you may end up dirtying your clothes with the mangled remains of the fruits - you wont get a unique "mango-orange" fruit altogether. The process of making wholes out of individuals is still a task that is done exlusively and perfectly by nature. Mankind has not mastered this art. The harder he tries, the worse his failures and the more catastrophic the consequences.

2) The possibility of an external force replacing individual willingness makes communuism all the more problematic. Communism falls into a sham where "dictatorship of the proletariat" is replaced by "dictatorship of the representatives of the proletariat" to the "dictatorship of the representative" into "dictatorship of the dictator". This superhuman figure who assumes the presidial functions of the "societal head" can only be expected to be ruthless and absolutely inhumane. It is no wonder that even a superpower could crumble against the basics. Soviet Union did not just crumble. It exploded. Too many people were thrown away in all directions and with it all its associate ideologies burst into pieces. Communism is simply too contrived to be counted as "human instinct."

Concluding Angle - 1:

So from our discussions of economics in the last three posts, I come to the reasonable(?????) conclusions that economically - one can gauge the following:

1) Capitalism's appeal feeds on the tendency of a human to look beyond the point A. Communism's appeal feeds on the supposed tendency of a society to pursue something beyond A. So, we establish that human beings by nature are always on the look out for something more than the present. It is as if man is a body exerting a force vector. The force when applied to another moving body can make it accelerate or decelerate. When applied to a static body, it can make it move. It is a potential that awaits an object to act upon. As with any vector this "tendency force" has its own intrinsic direction and magnitude. Man's existence is categorised by both "what he is" as an applier of the force and "what he tends to be" - as the measure of his potential to act.

2)The tendency to look outwards and further out for "something more" often leads to the stratification of more complex processses. It is as if - the more you attempt to regulate the force "productively" - the more you get entangled into problems of existence. It seems as an exercise going against nature and feeding your own destruction. The application of potential to economic productivity seems woefully in a wrong direction - and worse - it is a vicious circle drawing you more and more on the same path. the drive is destroying the very base that a human is established today - environment. More and more humans. More and more machines. Less and less nature. More and more environmetal disasters.

3) If and when a man decides to - he can change his direction and magnitude of the "tendency force" that he individually exerts. However this process has to be truly voluntary. Even if a man has not applied his potential to any particular objective, he needs an assurance of freedom to "choose whether or not to act, when to act and to change his direction and magnitude of the action force" and hence "human futility" and "human productivity" are all irrelevant terms. Because they do not represent a change in state of a person. He continues to be what he is and the potential in him to "do things" - no matter what may be his current "level of productivity." Human instinct has no relevance with this businesses of productivity and economics - but rather only with the idea of freedom and of potential to do something. What is being actually done in terms of "economic productivity" is of little relevance.

4) It is impossible for human beings in a normal state of being to compromise with one another or agree with each other on focussing this - what we can call as a - "tendency vector" in one common direction that is "productive for the society" or "supposedly productive for the individuals". Even when they externally seem to agree - like you and me do, their "tendencies" are different and they are in fact, trapped in a web. There are multitudes of vectors each acting with a different force and different directions. There is no economically unifying force that can align these vectors externally into one big force in one direction. In the absence of such a force, the question of even trying to find a B and an AB is futile because in the absence of one force - there is no steady motion. The resultant involuntary motion is chaotic and aimless and unpredictable. At a higher level the tendency of human society to destroy and go against nature arises out of this chaotic motion. The identities of Points B and the path AB are not answered by economic philosophies - neither by the extremities of them or by a hodge podge mixture of them. And since I am firmly uncompromising on "pristine nature" as an effective indicator of progress, the "economic progress" that we see - I think - is illusory. I can only say that economics is taking us nowhere. Or is taking us on a highway 200 miles in the wrong direction.

What next? I need time to think...... And perhaps wait for contradictions and contra-opinions before I move to the next angle. Do drop in a few lines.. if you feel like.

Angle - 1 continued....

2004-07-19T22:51:00.000+05:30

First off, there is something I would like to concede. All that I write here cannot be termed as arising out of absolute conviction on my part. I write what I believe logically follow from my perception of the universe at the moment. In fact, I may be grossly flawed, and often may exaggerate/generalise/trivialise issues beyond the margin of acceptable errors - in which case, I am just waiting to be pointed of the fact - one of the reasons I am posting my thoughts publicly on the blog. I am willing to amend the lines of my thinking if necessary, only if somebody can help me to...

In my dealing with the subject of capitalism, I realised that the depth of my arguments against capitalism is not entirely sufficient to tackle a supposedly extreme form of capitalism - Objectivism (I know there are a couple of Ayn Rand freaks out there....) So, this is an attempt to deal with the philosophy, which is - I have to admit - still a bit Greekish and Latinish to me, because at many levels, the principles of Objectivism seem to be only an embossed version of various previously held ideals in philosophy. To be very frank, I am not able to come to terms with objectivism as a philosophy that can stand on its own right. In fact, its credentials as a "capitalist philosophy" itself seem highly suspicious, given that once Ayn herself observed - "I am not primarily an advocate of capitalism, but of egoism; and I am not primarily an advocate of egoism, but of reason. If one recognizes the supremacy of reason and applies it consistently, all the rest follows." With a statement like that, it seems that the philosophy caters not to an economic perspective but under another deeper (or more trivial - depending on your viewpoint) angle.

If at all, there is one point about Rand's marriage with capitalism that needs a clarificatory answer, it is then the one glaring aspect of hers that goes against the position adopted by Adam Smith - "about the intrinsic interest in capitalism of the happiness of all."

Rand has been quoted thus "My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute."

Contrastingly, a summary reading of the definition of "Objectivism" - from Wikipedia states -

"Objectivism espouses an ethic of genuine self-interest -- that is, of choices and actions that genuinely do promote one's life qua human being, not merely those that we think or hope may do so. The Objectivist ethic can be called one of "rational self-interest" (rational egoism) on the grounds that human beings must discover, through reason, what genuinely is of value to them."

Now - I am most confused when I think of this point. On one hand, Objectivism promotes a fanatic belief in "reason". On the other, it also seems to undermine normal reasoning by suggesting that sometimes the best possible idea may not be the one that occurs by "thinking or hoping" at a primary level. So, presumably - objectivism suggests that the reasoning should be at a higher plane, at such a level where the consequences of every action can be pre-judged to a dot and there is no margin of error - because if there is - then the process of reasoning is not perfected enough. So, if there are failures in realizing self interest and happiness in our lives - by the process of reasoning, it would be argued that it is not the fault of objectivism but merely an effect of the "not-practicing-it-perfectly" syndrome.

On two counts, I reject this notion.

1) I do not see any amount of reasoning as sufficient to predict what could be the most promotive of the ultimate self-interest. In other words, how short is short-sightedness and how long is "self interest as life qua human being"?

Meditating on this leads to point 2) Reason as a religion! Just as fanatically the objectivists reject "faith" as a logically espousable concept, one may reject "perfect reason" as logically unachievable - simply because to know the cosmic consequences of an action and to determine if or if not it promotes one's self-interest, one has to achieve a state where one cannot achieve uncertainty of the slightest degree. The promise of the state where humans are capable of achieving a higher conceptual level of understanding, is as what may be called flaky by an objectivist - Nirvana or enlightenment from Eastern religions. Both remain promises. And both have parallels in that they distinguish the one that has "perfect something" and the one that doesnt - and both say it can only be attained by practice.

So unless we admit the possibility that the two - Eastern philosophy and objectivism can be equated as almost the same thing (the mention of which any contemporary objectivist would gawk at), I find no reason to trust reason. So, in this aspect we can reduce objectivism to nothing more than a religion - the religion based on reason rather than faith - neither of which withstands the tests of permanence, perfection and rigor of perception. In fact, modern science and quantum physics state that uncertainty and chaos is intrinisic to nature - and reality precipitates from a spectrum of possibilities only to each subjective observer differently. It would seem that Eastern philosophy has survived the onslaught of scienctific probes - while objectivism miserably fails in its blind espousal of a transcendental state of "perfect reasoning" which can be argued is a possibility only in fantasy.

The Wikipedia article further states -

"Whatever may be open to disagreement," wrote Rand, "there is one act of evil that may not, that no man may commit against others and no man may sanction or forgive. So long as men desire to live together, no man may initiate - do you hear me? No man may start - the use of physical force against others." Rand's reasoning is that since man's mind and capacity for free will is necessary for morality to exist at all, to take that from him with an immediate threat of force is to prevent and co-opt him from acting morally. Initiation of force is seen by Objectivists as a negation of morality as it precludes choice and freewill by interposing the threat of physical destruction between a man and his desired ends.(......)Far from regarding capitalism as a dog-eat-dog, survival-of-the-fittest, devil-take-the-hindmost pattern of social organization, Objectivism regards it as a beneficent system in which the innovations of the most creative benefit everyone else in the society at no loss to anyone. Indeed, Objectivism accords a high level of respect to creative achievement itself and regards capitalism as the only kind of society in which it can flourish.

Now, this is easily answered by the observation in the last post - namely the fuel for Industrial revolution and the growth of capitalism lied in the plunder of Africa and South Asia. Which means - in today's regime of imposed capitalism and under a whip crack of performance and progress, the raped Third World is far behind in the race to catch up. If objectivistic politics is to be proven to be effective in these times, it has to be self-healing to the wrongs of the past besides progressive. It has to make up for the loss of opportunity for the new age Third World, besides raising standards. The inequality is real and present. It is no longer prudent to pretend to look away when you know there is a problem. The premise of the efficacy of Objectivism in an unequal world would have to be then - a principle of self-correction. Which is, the capitalistic political system espoused by Objectivism needs to be proven to be all powerful to bring upon a world where none can complain about lack of opportunity to begin with - for lack of performance. It is in not meeting this premise, that Objectivism meets its greatest fall. Decades of capitalism has done nothing whatsoever to amend for the wrongs or ills of its past deeds or the elimination of inequalities. While, it has become a habit of Third World countries to utter meek excuses for under-performing economies, this aberrant habit is not indicative of a problem-less world. In fact, it is highly repressive to even think that the Third World should follow standards of development which are set by the developed world - as the standards were not mutually agreed to. The point B is no longer in the control of the people. Like technology and capitalism, developmental models have been imposed and there is no reason why they should be met - if not for the twin petals of the poison ivy that grips the whole world today and has whipped it into submission.

Objectivism and capitalism in this sense, fail as miserably as the imposition of communism. In fact, it would not be a mistake to regard that communism and objectivism stand at the same end of a utopic spectrum. While one dreams of a state where everybody is born equal and each one can devise his/her progress by grabbing his opportunities, the other dreams of a state where everybody is born equal and each one can devise the societal progress by grabbing collective opportunities. Technically different, but similar theories they remain. The effects of imposition of any of the two will be/has been equally catastrophic.

In fact, if at an infinite point in time - two states - one espousing perfect objectivism and the other espousing perfect communism were to be established in a utopic world of equality, I have no doubt which would fail sooner - the former, because the principle of objectivism is in getting ahead of the others and hence creating an intrinsic inequality - preserving which would be the cause of the successful. Which translates into the fact that inequality is not ephemeral and transcends one's own time - once created. The inequality then propogates through generations - thereby generating the same kind of chaos as was previously existing. Children of the less successful, start at a lesser position. In a hundred generations, the utopic world is all reversed. So, objectivism is really like muddying a newly swept carpet all over again at rocket speed, while communism does it a bit more slowly.

When I arrived at these conclusions, I was really feeling a lot wierd. For somebody who has just read one of Rand's works completely (incidentally the least controversial - We The Living) - this is all too much to say. My knowledge of Objectivism is from Ayn Rand's foreward to The Fountainhead and a lengthy monologue in Atlas Shrugged. But, I dont necessarily believe in skimming through 695 pages each of passionate dialogues to arrive at a judgement. I was hence, pleasantly surprised to find a former "Ayn Rand fanatic" on the Net, amazingly come so close to what I have been saying here. You can read the full text of that article here.

With this, having rejected capitalism as n instrument to deal with the problem or purpose of life , I shall deal with communism in the next post from this angle.... I should remind the reader that, I am more than willing to stand contradicted - only if I can hear better opinions.

The problem of life Angle - 1

2004-07-16T20:56:00.000+05:30

Since a hell lot of stuff about life and all that you want from it sounds like supply demand and all that jazz... let me start from the ECONOMIC angle...

Adam Smith - the father of capitalism observed in "The Wealth of Nations" - "the uniform, constant and uninterrupted effort of every man to better his condition, the principle from which public and national, as well as private opulence is originally derived, is frequently powerful enough to maintain the natural progress of things toward improvement, in spite both of the extravagance of government, and of the greatest errors of administration."

So Adam agrees with our presumption that man is tendentious to find a transitory B from every A he is on. He infact, improvises by saying - the path that he takes may be full of obstacles, but human perseverance is extraordinary and can strive over all of these . He observes elsewhere to the same effect - "Man was made for action, and to promote by the exertion of his faculties such changes in the external circumstances both of himself and others, as may seem most favourable to the happiness of all."

I have put the pleasantly surprising Colour formatting (that I noticed only today) to my advantage - things which I will deal with are shaded in blue.

Point 1) ref "to better his condition" and "maintain the natural progress of things toward improvement."

Now, I would like to take you back a 100,000 years to the caveman. As is obvious, I will attempt to compare his situation in the ladder of progree with that of the modern man. the caveman's routine would have been something like this - Gets up. Grabs the nearest spear. Goes to the nearest rivulet. Has a draught. Sees something rustling under the trees. Aims and throws. Makes his lunch. Catches nap. Defleas his lover(s?). Sets fire as the son falls. Stands guard to the cave. Makes love. Sleeps. Yes- things were not as perfect as that. of course, once in a while there came around a wild beast that made a meal of him instead of the situation being the other way around. he fell prey to diseases when he was nearing 25. He was troubled by lightning and other natural disasters. And such other stuff... But you get the picture. Now, I am going to define point A as - not having food, shelter and clothing in the forest. Point B would be in economic terms "self sufficiency" - having it all. Now the path AB was beset with dangers - of death and fear. But, the path was simple enough and we can reasonably assume that the caveman got to B enough times a day and if he did'nt he did not live to see another day.

I was wondering about what has changed today. We still get up. "Get going in our sickeningly mad pursuits - doing chores which affect somebody's business - write lines of code that is going to aid a supermarket run its business well so that the man at the other end of the system can finish his payroll processing and give away salaries which would go to the sweeeper at the basement - so that he can take his little daughter to the movie and feed her pizza and give a tip to the delivery boy who would save it for his higher education......." But ultimately, have we solved the problem of shifting B from what it is? When Adam says "maintain the natural progress of things toward improvement" - it is evident that the point B that we have defined for our purpose does not correspond to the change that he is talking about. What he is really talking about is a need to mend the path from A to B in such a way that it seems that many many people are helping each other to travel the distance from A to B in an unimaginably complex yet ingenious way - to keep the traffic flowing effortlessly so that more people can reach B quite easily.

which is indeed what I think he is saying when we see the point 2)

2) ref "as may seem most favourable to the happiness of all"

Now comes the question - Has economics - sorry - CAPITALIST economics (because I am going to deal with communism separately.) helped achieve an optimum state of traffic? My benchmark is going to be the life of the 100000 year old caveman. If I can prove to myself that the situation today is indeed utopic - as compared to the prehistoric society - a part of me can sleep well today. Unfortunately, this is not the case. As we have made the roads easier between A and B, there are more and more people wanting to get into the roads. As we strive harder and harder and push things like diseases and fear away - the society wants more and more of it - nothing less than a Teflon coated road would do. Life expectancy is higher (unequally) that helps produce more and more cars on the road vying for space and then more and more superhighways - one of the reasons why we go for inventions is the delicate balance between the demand for technology to pursue B (analogy - the number of cars on a highway) and the capacity of the current state of technology to provide for it (analogy - the state of the roads and the capacity for it to withstand a smooth traffic.) Inevitably we are building easier and easier roads. So, we have roads, highways, superhighways, autobahns and the sleek F1 race tracks. If 5 identical cars start at the same point at the same time and take these 5 different routes, we know which one is going to reach B first. Can't you allow everybody on the F1 track? - You are kidding right? To make an F1 track, money is invested. Isnt it fair that the investor reap the benefits? So we have a situation where the investor not only gets to B faster, but has exploited the resources available at B to such an extent that when the slowest car takes the muddy road and tries to reach B, to its utter disbelief it finds that the point B has moved on - After all nature is not inexhaustible. Now, if you read all this with the analogy of the "F1 track" to be the First World and the "muddy tracks" to be the Third World, things will make better sense.

There is usually a cliched reply to this. Everybody started at the same position. The very fact that a few were able to get in front quicker than the others to make themselves an F1 track - doesnt it go by the eternal principle of "Survival of the Fittest"?

This can be debunked at the very outset. Because, dont we all know what fed the industrial revolution in England - that fired the capitalist philosophy ? The rape and plunder of the economies in Africa and South Asia - at a time when they were so attuned with nature not to move beyond their simple lives was what served as the initial investment that capitalism made. I would call it - at the danger of digressing further - a situation of plain daylight robbery. It is a situation where it is "capitalism or else...." Capitalism certainly does not seem to be a "natural philosophy" which is attuned to "human instinct" where "as may seem most favourable to the happiness of all" is the driving force behind the system. At its best, it serves the happiness of those who agreed to go by the system the earliest (Come to think of it - isnt this aspect true with any system ? ) The rest had no freedom to choose. Every part of the explorable world has been commercialised and happiness as a human instict is only found in the jungles of Amazon. The rest of the world is running around faster and faster to make more and more flyovers, complex patterns of confusing roads - the science of constructing better flyovers - the science of making better asphalt, better tyres better fuel, engines (all kinds of technology right from stapler pins to rocket science feed the roads in one way or the other.) and putting so many people inside it - because - we revile death and honour life - so more the number of people in this world the better - and finally when the airways get clogged construct another and ......

... And the rest of us lost the thread somewhere when we were taught that the shortest distance between two points in space is a straight line! And what goes up should come down.

In fact a little more insight would reveal that is not only "Capitalism." Capitalism is merely an offshoot of what feeds it - technology. Robert Pirsig makes such a beautiful statement about technology in "Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance" when he observes "Technology presumes there's just one right way to do things and there never is" ... and further... "You can't live on just groovy emotions alone. You have to work with the underlying form of the universe too, the laws of nature which, when understood, can make work easier, sickness rarer and famine almost absent. On the other hand, technology based on pure dualistic reason has also been condemned because it obtains these material advantages by turning the world into a stylized garbage dump..."

But capitalism feeding on technology provides a fodder for technology to feed on capitalism on so on they ravish each other incontrollably damaging everything about nature, humanity, environment producing ozone holes, less lung space, dysfunctional human beings, psychological wrecks. It is no longer human any more. Heck! It is no longer natural.

Any insight into natural processes would prove that anything that grew exponentially can only explode beyond a point. Nature is also about symbiosis - about things coexisting on a balance. But, the symbiotive partners never feed on each other with such ravishness that they destroy everything else. There is a place for everything in nature. Nature has a way of stopping hyperactive processes. The twin devil of capitalism and technology is by a simple analogy, a poison ivy that has crept up against nature. And if anything is not natural.... can it be human?

So why should'nt I be not be surprised that when I type this piece at 9:53 PM, capitalist economy and technology is pure-bred "anti-human instinct" ? That what we have here is just people trapped inside a TNT cavern ... When the TNT explodes and the people explode with them - will we say "It is the natural instinct of the people to explode? "

To see if communism and technology makes better partners... We will continue in the same angle....

to be continued....

The predicament and the solution

2004-07-15T19:44:00.000+05:30

I read the following story from Mumon's "Gateless Gate" a collection of commentaries on Zen koans and a short haiku at the end of it. I was led to this collection from Hofstadter's "GEB - The Eternal Golden Braid"

Kyogen Mounts the Tree
Kyogen said: `Zen is like a man hanging in a tree by his teeth over a precipice. His hands grasp no branch, his feet rest on no limb, and under the three another person asks him: `Why does Bodhidharma come to China from India?'
`If the man in tree does not answer, he fails; and if he does answer, he falls and loses his life. Now what shall he do?'

Mumon's Comment: In such a predicament the most talented eloquence is no use. If you have memorized all the sutras, you cannot use them. When you can give the right answer, even though your past road was one of death, you open up a new road of life. But if you cannot answer, you should ages hence and the future Buddha, Maitreya.

Kyogen is truly a fool
Spreading that ego-killing poison
That closes his pupils' mouths
And lets their tears stream from their dead eyes.

Woodworm - What should the man do if people asked him 1) Are you an intellectual? 2) You are surely making up taht you are on the tree? 3) Are you really hanging from the tree? 4) You surely have something else supporting you - isnt it? 5) It is not possible for everybody to hang like you...???!!!

Of course Kyogen shouldn't have started talking in the first place. Hence resolved...

Resolved today...

2004-07-14T16:52:00.000+05:30

... not to discuss comparitive religion/politics/nationalism on the groups.

Sick and tired,
Woodworm

PS: The Angles will follow, nevertheless....

The problem of life explored in seven and a quarter angles

2004-07-13T21:33:00.000+05:30

Zen master Duglo Hoshado said ~

Formal theory in computer science is all about modelling a problem in logic into a machine understandable domain from where an alogorithm will take you to the solution.

So I guess somebody should model this:

You are at a position A in existential hyperspace. You do not know if there is a point B which is distinct and separate from A. But, you keep moving from point A to point B - on a path AB which you think is going to lead you to B. To your surprise, you find that you never seem to move anywhere, and whenever you follow AB, you still find yourself always on the point A or a fractal projection of point A.

The solution to the problem lies in finding

1) If there are 2 distinct points A and B in the existential hyperspace?
2) If the answer to 1) is yes, then is there at least one path from A to B?
3) If the answer to 1) and 2) is yes, then is there an optimum path from A to B?
4) If the answer to 1), 2) and 3) is yes, then the problem reduces to finding the path AB.

The Zen shall visit other angles

Vacation time

2004-06-11T21:05:00.000+05:30

I am leaving on a long vacation to the Himalayas - well, quite long for a working S/W fellow - thats about ten days. Quite seriously, I havent taken so long a vacation in some time. Hope to be back chirpy, serene and refreshed.

Thats the night

The stone on the road

2004-06-10T23:15:00.000+05:30

The stone on the road (responds to the previous post)

On the middle of the road I lay,
I lay on the middle of the road
I lay - the stone -
On the middle of the road I lay.

And then bled the minstrel to death
The minstrel bled
To death - the minstrel bled.
As he was reciting solipsism
Solipsism he recited to the air
with his fatigued retinas skyward gazed

Never will he forget this event
In the life of his fatigued retinas
Never will he forget this event -
When I swooned him down
The lame solipsist minstrel
With fatigued retinas
And hit against his temple
And the minstrel bled.

And I still lay
On the middle of the road I lay
From forgetting to remembrance -
having changed forever
a minstrel's life
I lay - the stone -
On the middle of the road I lay.

- Woodworm

No meio do caminho tinha uma pedra

2004-06-10T22:56:00.000+05:30

Noted with alarm that my thinking these days is coherent and making a lot of sense. I shouldnt make too much sense lest I am bound by it.

There's one I heard a little while back which more or less mirrors my state.

Here's to H, B and S

"No meio do caminho"

No meio do caminho tinha uma pedra
tinha uma pedra no meio do caminho
tinha uma pedra
no meio do caminho tinha uma pedra

Nunca me esquecerei d'easse acontecimento
na vida de minhas retinas t'eo fatigadas.
Nunca me esquecerei que no meio do caminho
tinha uma pedra
tinha uma pedra no meio do caminho
no meio do caminho tinha uma pedra.

-- Carlos Drummond de Andrade

Roughly translates to

"In the Middle of the Road "

In the middle of the road there was a stone
there was a stone in the middle of the road
there was a stone
in the middle of the road there was a stone.

Never should I forget this event
in the life of my fatigued retinas.
Never should I forget that in the middle of the road
there was a stone
there was a stone in the middle of the road
in the middle of the road there was a stone.

-- Carlos Drummond de Andrade

"Somewhere, somehow somebody "

2004-06-08T21:01:00.000+05:30

Just noticed that all my blog-mates use many appendages and profile settings to enliven the experience. I am somehow overwhelmed by anything more complex than a wiki. So, I should stay this way I guess - just a plain old parchment. Today I feel I should write about something which I intended to narrate long back. Somehow, it skipped my mind radar for some time now - only to be reminded when I am offline.

This has to do with my maternal grandfather. If my dad taught me the ways of a principled life and morality, and my mom taught me to be sensitive and humane, my grandfather is responsible for inspiring the quest for knowledge in me. I learnt to read in Tamil, Telugu and Malayalam from him before I was five (I retain my Malayalam - Telugu I lost.) I learnt division from him when the rest of my chubbies were still doing double-digit additions. I learnt calculation of square roots when I was barely ten. My first atlas, my first crossword, my first documentary lessons in history, forays into British India, experiences with philately, old Travancore coins, vacuum tubes and diodes (from the old Garibaldi)... all I first learnt from him. A tenaciously active person 80 years of age, he still wears his sun-glasses ("cool drinks" as he calls them) and marches off for a 5 km walk to the groceries only to walk back with 10 kilos of goods balanced on two course military bags in the blistering mid-day heat.

Needless to say, I had a pleasant childhood in his care. His collections of nuts and bolts, his refusal to throw away anything as insignificant as a postcard envelope, his ingenious ways to shape up crude materials into things of everyday use would amaze anybody. How can I ever forget the day - he demonstrated the functioning of a Morse Code machine - by actually building one from brass plates, a used radio speaker and a couple of leaky batteries and wires! A fervent believer in books, it is stupifying what he could do to preserve and nurture them. You only had to keep books with torn pages and dogs' ears in his vicinity and voila! they are mended and prserved against future damage by the most skilful hands imaginable. The first thing he does when he comes across a badly maintained book is to mend it. Only after having produced something that would remain solid, would he proceed to turn the pages and read what it is all about. If the contents disiterest him or even appall him, never mind, it would still find a place in his library. It is not without reason that you would find books on topics from "Maintenance of Boeing 737 spare parts" to "War and Peace" to "Astrological Magazine" to "Practical slide rule guides" in his cupboard. "Somewhere, somehow somebody would need it". The sad reality being, I was the only one among his descendants to even evince a little interest in his collections. He is the ultimate preserver - refusing to let go of things - deemed unfit for human society. It is this aspect of his - that endears me to him. He remains the antithesis of the modern society's wasteful use and throw capitalist mindset. Tell him the cost of a T-shirt and he would gape in disgusted wonder no matter what price you quote - even if you underquote the price 5 times. My peers often ridicule his sense of despair for his out-of-times ideas. Having known him, I cannot agree with this proposition. It is my feeling that we wrongly attribute a heightened attachment with money to the previous generation, when it US the spoiled lot, who never really faced a war or separation or appreciable hurdles in life - to realise the worthiness of things. Another amusing part of his life, is his uncanny ability to be too frank for our confort - being politically incorrect - being outwardly rude and egoistic - when barely a few have seen his soft underside - or have regaled in his autobiographical moments. All his grandchildren, except for me - have missed these moments with him - when you learnt a lot about life than you ever would poring into textbooks and trysts with people. He is the legacy-keeper of our family. There are so many things - so many things I identify so closely with him that I can never stop writing. If ever I were to become somebody worthy enough of an autobiography, I would probably never finish the chapter - where I would deal with my childhood days with my grandfather.

Having given a longer introduction than I intended to, let me get back to the anecdote. Recently, he is showing signs of weathering. I wouldn't exactly call it sinking but you know - it is near, however restrained I can try to be. He has been diagnosed with a mild form of diabetes, (his mother suffered from an acute form of it and her wounds never healed. whenever she cut her hands, the pace of the growth of tissues near the wound, outgrew that of her skin and a ghastly outgrowth of flesh resulted. He narrates with an air of obstinacy - that she often used an unimaginably painful treatment with anhydrous copper sulphate to absorb the water from open wounds to deflate them and absorb the noxious pus - All the while chewing on another piece of mysore pak or adirasam - South Indian sweet delicacies. She lived to see her 85th year - after 40 years of daily insulin injections. He takes excessive pride in informing our generation - the weak spirited and cowardly, that he was born to her - and the offspring of an eagle cant be a goose. And to think of all the days I wheezed to sleep because it began to drizzle slightly.) he has begun to lose his alacrity to do things, and seemed to slow down - for the first time realising the inevitability of time. To cheer things up for him, we gave him an old desktop computer and a couple of books to teach himself to use Windows and Office (after repeated attempts to spend time with him to instruct him in these things failed in the face of our fast-paced stupid lives) . And so began studying - the oldest student I knew to learn to use computers :) And true to his fame, the next time I visited him, he bombarded me with questions of this and that - to some of which I could barely answer. I should note with restrained pride at the moment, that he knows more of MS Excel than me , just 5 months since he started using computers. He remarks with an air of distinct stupefaction "There is so much to learn!"

Recently, when my aunt (his third daughter) and her family had come over from Calcutta, her sons offered to show him the insides of a cyber cafe and demonstrate how things work. So did they take him to a 512 kbps Sify cafe and asked him to try his hand at surfing. Having explained the mechanics and functionings of search engines to the old man - my eldest cousin - who prides himself on his knowledge of the net and its workings proceeded to tell him "Give me any search term. I can find information for you in seconds." Little did he expect that the octagenarian would think for a moment and say "OK. I want GopalKrishna Gokhale's farewell speech in Fergusson's College in 1902, when he resigned to join public life." Imagine the plight of the two kids - trying to enter key word after keyword in google - to get something that would satisfy our man - all in vain. Obviously, it was a piece that had inspired him in the desolate hours of his life. Now lost to history, it lives as a fading memory in his head. A little reverence is due - kids! I could not help myself smile in pride, when the poor boy narrated his travails when I went back home last week. "Tyros like you are no match for the old man" - was what i thought at the moment..

My grandfather valued education very much. My mom, the eldest of his three daughters and a son, and the brightest in studies, always bemoaned the absence of her father when she graduated from college in mathematics. It was her desire to finish her Masters and PhD in mathematics. Her father, stayed away as part of his official duties in Bhuj, Gujarat while the family stayed in Chennai. (he was a communications engineer - for civil aviation service, and part of his duties took him to all the aerodromes of the 70's India - low tech and highly dependent on alert resources who can make do with what is available for controlling air traffic - indisputably fitting my grandfather's dream profile) Her maternal uncle convinced my credulous grandmother that girls who are educated beyond a certain level, had nothing to gain in life. To this day, my mom avers that had her father been by her side, her story would have been different. Indeed, one of her close friends, did make it all the way to a PhD and is a high-profile professor at the London School of Economics, while my mom had to settle for a low-yielding central government service. (My dad also has a similar story to narrate - about his younger brother, who he wanted to pull away from a penurious life to excellence - his efforts being thwarted by his absence by his side - when the crucial turning point in his career came, and was eventually sodded by ill-advice and lack of initiatives.)

My grandfather always wanted somebody fro his family to become an engineer - as a mark of his temper for technology. As with his other idiosyncratic ideas, the theme behind this was the tragic death of his younger brother way back in 1953 from jaundice. The fellow was an engineering graduate - one of the only 17 from the erstwhile Travancore state for that year. Had he become a mechanical engineer, he would have become an icon of those days, as engineering was a much revered profession in a nascent country just begining to rebuild itself. Having reposed his dreams on the young man, you can imagine them shattered when he tragically died at such a young age. (He once narrated to me - "He was unconscious for the last 5 days of his life. Moments before his death, his entire body convulsed and he sat up looked straight at the ceiling and let out a pathetic cry - before dropping dead like a fallen log from a tree - the painful howl - is still reverberating in my ears - and I will never forget it till the day I die") I suspect, he saw in me somebody in the image of his snatched brother, or his son - who did not take his studies very seriously, or the failed promise of my mother. He wanted my photograph in the newspaper - reported for honours in my 12th class examinations. Wonder of wonders - it came true! My school managed to get my photograph published in The Hindu after some good performance in class XII - even obtaining a state rank in a subject. I never saw greater joy in the eyes of my grandparents. It did not mean much to me - as I am only aware of the pitfalls of the education system. But, it was the moment promised and cherished for a long time. And I was so happy for them. It was to his great disappointment that I refused his offer to go to IIT, and get an application form for Rs. 500/- to write an entrance test. Having made zero preparations, I knew I would never clear it. But, it was a fitting consolation, though, that I did finish my Engineering degree creditably. Having fulfilled his long cherished and promised dream, being the only one of his progeny to actually spend some time with him and having grown affectionately close with him, I am unmistakably his favourite grandson, (in fact I call him 'Appa' - father instead of the usual 'Thatha' the Tamil word for grandpa). I have been specifically instructed to empty his collection of books and preserved collections, after his time and carry it back with me. He perhaps realises the futility of keeping them forever. Yet he cannot let go of two of the motifs that define his life - "Sometime, somehow, someone would need it" and "There is so much to learn!" My life and whatever I am and will be will be a tribute to the three people who moulded me to what I am - my dad, my mom and my maternal grandpa. My life should amount to something - if only because I want to vindicate the sad travails of these people - the likes of which I am convinced, no future generation would see.

PS:- I should also write one about my maternal grandma and my special "cousin sister" - as we Indians prefer to call - but thoughts about near and dear - I am secretly afraid of losing - disturb me so much that I am afraid it will all end up very platonic. Anyway, would attempt...

Redolent June...

2004-06-03T23:10:00.000+05:30

Been sometime ain't it ? "Temporal exiguity" would be a slick way to put it... languor being the truthful. Made the shift to a cute, little dome southside. Seems a better bargain definitely.

Been reading a lot. Julian Barnes scintillates with "A History of the world in 10 1/2 chapters". A fictional coocoon around the kernel of Christian history, it is the most recommendable book I have ever read. Julian shatters age-old myths, questions legends, imparts intentions, tickles so subtly and rips apart history like no other I have read. What immensely pleases me about the work are the harmonious analogies, earnest analyses, a thin fibre of Gabriel Garciac magic realistic warp and a ah-so delicate oscillation in the pans of lore. I am halfway into it and it already is rising by leaps and bounds in my personal ranking list. Books like these endear you so very finely and vindicates you the next time you visit a bookshop.

And this...

Elegy for an Enemy by Stephen Vincent Benet

(For G. H.)

Say, does that stupid earth
Where they have laid her,
Bind still her sullen mirth,
Mirth which betrayed her?
Do the lush grasses hold,
Greenly and glad,
That brittle-perfect gold
She alone had?

Smugly the common crew,
Over their knitting,
Mourn her -- as butchers do
Sheep-throats they're slitting!
She was my enemy,
One of the best of them.
Would she come back to me,
God damn the rest of them!

Damn them, the flabby, fat,
Sleek little darlings!
We gave them tit for tat,
Snarlings for snarlings!
Squashy pomposities,
Shocked at our violence,
Let not one tactful hiss
Break her new silence!

Maids of antiquity,
Look well upon her;
Ice was her chastity,
Spotless her honor.
Neighbors, with breasts of snow,
Dames of much virtue,
How she could flame and glow!
Lord, how she hurt you!

She was a woman, and
Tender -- at times!
(Delicate was her hand)
One of her crimes!
Hair that strayed elfinly,
Lips red as haws,
You, with the ready lie,
Was that the cause?

Rest you, my enemy,
Slain without fault,
Life smacks but tastelessly
Lacking your salt!
Stuck in a bog whence naught
May catapult me,
Come from the grave, long-sought,
Come and insult me!

WE knew that sugared stuff
Poisoned the other;
Rough as the wind is rough,
Sister and brother!
Breathing the ether clear
Others forlorn have found --
Oh, for that peace austere
She and her scorn have found!

Now playing : Rachamaninov with 18th Variation on "A Rhapsody on the theme of Paganini"

Good night

And yes... that one

2004-05-19T21:19:00.000+05:30

Coming back to the issue that is splitting New Delhi apart and throws Dalal Street into frenzy. I should gleefully remark thar Sonia is more than the BJP thought they can handle. Having given up the Premiership, she has shut the doors to tonsured heads, Kedarnath meditation trips and such circus tricks by the once-there monkeys. I can almost visualise Sushma Swaraj with her mouth gaped open unmindful of the mosquitoes she is swallowing unwittingly.

Coming to Manmohan Singh, he with Chidambaram are pehaps the only active political leaders in this country with a sense of dignity in the way they carry themselves. With Abdul Kalam and Manmohan Singh - two eminently educated and cultured citizens at the helm, India seems to shine a bit at least at the outset. I also liked to know that he is not a blind free-market advocate as he is often thought out to be. He is a man with strong socialist convictions, and is probably with me on the Nolan chart. Hope to see some good days ahead. (Of course tempered by the possibility of Mulayams and Lalloos becoming Defence Ministers.)

Somebody in an article just pointed out the fact that Sonia - a Roman catholic won the elections, and gave the position up for a Sikh, who will be sworn in tomorrow by a Muslim as the first non-Hindu Prime minister. He went on to say this showcases the secular credentials of the Indian society.

I believe more striking is the fact that 80% of us have not realised this at all and saw the article and cried out aloud - "Oh yeah.. I didn't think of that." This - I believe is secularism.

Public Announcement #1

2004-05-18T22:44:00.000+05:30

If you havent noticed, I have added a comments section to my blog posts. Not sure who bothers anyway... but lemme see how many really do care. And yes, is there any way to make this better?

Of wild oscillations.

2004-05-18T22:29:00.000+05:30

Readers must excuse me for my negligence of grammar and spell check in a few previous posts. That's precisely what happens when you start blogging at 10:30 at night. The fact is that the past few weeks have been full of wild oscillations and uncertainties, that I am yet to bring my feet back on the ground.

Of particular interest is the nature of my work. Friday's spate of international calls wild during the night, when neither the issue nor the solution was clear, and when everybody's priority was to pass the buck rather than try to solve something over the weekend have left me high and dry. Maintaining political correctness at 10 PM, with a knife dangling over your lonely head and with no experience at all at this, is quite a task indeed. A slight misstep and they come back roaring at you - as I found out today. Quite rigorous lessons these are... but I wonder how irreversible can the damages be...in case I am allowed another of those false starts.

Finally got the house settled. Had to plead with the Bull Dozer - my my what a plump of lazy bum - to do his bit and pay up the token advance after my morning hangovers were shaken stirred by a call to attend office - another one of those sordid stories. To offset all this - got some really good mails - one from my current PM, one from my previous PM and another word from my SLM informing me of their happiness in my performance.

You can find me these days, peering over horoscope predictions on every journal trying to figure out what is happening to me....?

Now trying to read - The History of the world in 10 1/2 chapters by Julian Barnes. Seems to be a good read. Will review it here once I am through.

Passions and 2 BHKs

2004-05-17T22:52:00.000+05:30

Finally caught the Passion of the Christ in a airy theatre with hardly a hundred fellow Bangalore-ans, of course - dozens of them in 'high spirits'. I dont know, why I am isolated here, but I actually liked the movie. In fact, I came to admire the movie. The movie was well made, with concepts of faith and endearments positively balanced with good cinematography and humane performances. I do suspect I caught a few fighting their tears just to board the autorickshaw on the long way back home, suddenly hinting that the "movie was gen". More surprisingly, I did not find the movie anti-semitic at all. One big media frenzy it was. Lost in the din was the message - "Love one another as I loved you. That is the message of my life." Platonic ? Maybe, but the blunt truth.

Also, caught a 2 BHK for the next ten months. Come June, and southward shall the wind flow. Shashank on the flute wishes my night to be good.

Punch...

2004-05-12T21:57:00.000+05:30

Woke upto today morning's The Hindu and woke the rest up with the my hysterical laughter after seeing Keshav's cartoon on page 1. The link to the online edition is here: (Scroll down to the cartoon. ) http://www.hindu.com/2004/05/12/stories/2004051208130100.htm

What a calamity for poor old Naidu! And what a day for Keshav - I bet the idea was always there waiting to be tapped, as soon as the results came up.

Vernon God Littles and Orthocentres

2004-05-11T19:15:00.000+05:30

What a nauseating depressant I am! Humour in the written form is simply not my "chai ka glass". At least let me not try to vomit bile on to whoever is painfully reading all this rabble...

So whats up these days... lemme see... That Friday's fiasco at work. Happens once in a while to S/W ppl who surreptitiously try to steal a couple of hours off on weekends to catch an early train home. We do forget that Big Brother PMs often are watching. Caught red handed... or blue phoned on Platform No. 1 at 9 PM when I was supposed to stay till 10:30 PM at work. Providence, Quick jibe and months of good work saved the day and the trip - but not without some indirect pointers. Whew! My first work disaster.

Vernon God Little... Not in the big league of "Catcher in the rye". Granted - Anything dysfunctionally American should find some soft space in my reading room. But two F-words per line, and twenty one-liners per page dont make a great book, especially if there was one such book published forty years ago. Warning - Dont read it when you are cross with the world.

Became an admin on English wiki. Reaching 1000 edits in 6 months. Wiki and google - reasons enough for one to be hooked to the net.

Felinity - Worshipped by Egyptians, reviled by superstitious Hindus, aspired by people in lakhing first jobs.... still remains a distant reality. Should do something to buck up. Brushed up some geometry. Good to get back to Appolonius theorem and Simpson's Line. Nostalgia of roll no. 8 in class 10.....

Seems like the house-hunting will be a game of numbers. The "Red Emperor" is thinking of leaving and solicited my opinion. I, of the clan who disbelieves in offering any to the personal futilities/indecisions/prejudices/aspirations of anyone after the "Meyem Mayhem" refused to be drawn in. It is good that birds flock to the same feather. Duplicity harms in the long run. Another is on the verge of moving to the Shores of Hussain Sagar, given a call from the "cookie maker". Tough to let go of him. But it is indeed good that he stops sailing in dangerous waters and stabilise himself at a job where he can drop anchor. Restless days ahead.

Fed up with irregularities of life. Trying to be a little tuned with my biological clock and the path of the sun. How I prosper remains to be seen. Now playing assorted on Gayatri Veena... and Pancha ratna kritis on Madolin.. divine!

Welcome to civilization folks

2004-05-06T19:27:00.000+05:30

Her name is Lynndie England. She is 21. She is from West Virginia. When 9/11 happened, she would have probably been still in college. Maybe she couldn't spell Haf-gain-ess-tan too, like a certain ranch-owner from Texas. And maybe it hasn't been six months since when she first took a rifle. But, the exposes of torture that surfaced last week, puts Americans like her in a all-new shade. Welcome, gentlemen. This is civiliation. Where the humanity in you takes a one-way ticket to hell, minutes after you were born. When you are fed with SNLs and Larry Kings and Oscars and LSDs and cows in Texas, who needs two things that the rest of the world desperately cling to - Intelligence and humanity? Lynndie is the female in the pictures you saw last week with a cigarette between her lips, thumbs up in the air, over grown Iraqi men, sprawling in the ground - stark naked.

When Vietnam happened, one did think that perhaps two years in the jungle led men to insanity. I suspect it is twenty one years in America that this to her. I am sorry, Lynddie, here's hoping you die the most painful death ever imaginable.

And the rabble settles

2004-04-21T16:04:00.000+05:30

My response to the post ''The roused rabble''

Long time since I wrote anything long....Anyway, this for people who
care..

Good article... But it beats me as to why do these people choke in
their own vomit and sploosh things up:

Quote
It is now facing the might of the nation-state, which has evolved in
the west. The nation-state mechanism in the west is basically
aggressive, violent, conquering, invasive, dominating, imperialistic
Unquote

May I suggest this is what exactly BJP is honking after these days?
Their point #1) in their manifesto is : Making India a super power.
Point #2) Kashmir. Point #3) Combating Terrorism. Point #4)
development and poverty alleviation.

In effect, to BJP making a strong nation state comes three notches
ahead of ensuring societal equality. Not that any of it is going to
be taken seriously - but at least the functional design says that -
the highest echelons are not willing to look beyond these - if ever
there was a time when poll promises will be looked seriously at.

Is there anybody here who can deny these things:

1. Democracy originated in the west. When we have the world's largest
democracy - we are essentially proud of being the torch bearer of one
of the best known societal products of Western civilization. Does Mr.
Gurumurthy feel it is as equal a violent, aggressive concept of
wannabe nation states?

2. India is leaning to the West. Everything that we do - every imp of
relevance that we have in this world (materialistically) is because
we are willing to look west leaving behind dubious prejudices. Why
harp behind something that doesnt buy bread any more ?

Why go on the defensive on an issue that pales into insignificance
when compared with such abominable factors that would make people
throw Sonia out namely 1) irrelevance 2) inexperience 3)
dumbfoundedness ... yada yada ?

A few more reeking quotes....

Quote
Sonia Gandhi played politics even with the self-esteem of this
country by choosing the wrong moment to demand an explanation from
the government, to raise issues of corruption in defence deals.
Unquote

-- Huh? The right moment for people to ask questions is when it is
the wrong moment for the culprit to have them asked...

Quote
That she was a foreigner and had no business asking for explanations
came across very clearly. Every intelligent lndian knew there were
problems, including corruption associated with some sections of the
army and that it was these problems that resulted in the Kargil
invasion.
Unquote

-- Shucks! Is that the all-accepting-tolerant-indian-mentality again?
Is he equating intelligence with helpless equanimity? Is he askign us
to keep quiet just because we won a puny war-that-never-was-called-a-
war? How outrageous and audacious of him!

Quote
Cho said, and I quote, "If Sonia Gandhi had been black, had been a
person of African origin, this problem would never have arisen."
Unquote

Whoever said Cho ramaswamy was the conscience-keeper-laureate of
India? Cho also said once that he doesnt prefer women outside homes
and hence his opposition to jayalalithaa.

Quote
It is this fascination for the white skin and it is we, the English
educated Indians, who are responsible for this.
Unquote

No, mr. Gurumurthy. It is your obsession with opposing white people
which is responsible for the sorry state of your thoughts. It is 57
years and a generation has lived and died since independence. The
world has moved on. Somebody forgot to wake him up at the right time.

Quote
This is the terrorising influence that the English educated Indian
intellectuals have on the political class. Another argument is that
this is not an issue in the rural areas.
Unquote

Excuse me? The article is in English. What a paranoid mob we have
here, blaming English speaking people for the problems of the state.
Is Mr. Gurumurthy going to make people conversant in English leave
too?

Quote
If you do not make it an issue, how will it become an issue there?
Unquote

Supposedly he thought, that will make Joeys of the land think for a
while whilst he can escape. Know what? Wrong answer!

Quote
Never in the history of the world has a foreigner ruled another
country except by invasion.
Unquote

Has he heard of Alberto Fujimori the Japanese who was elected
Peruvian president? Or aniroodh Jagannath of Mauritius ? Or Mahendra
Chaudhry of Fiji?

Face it people. There is more intelligence in the country than you
know of. The moment you scuttle something irrelevant is when people
get suspicious of why are you saying it - Is it because of a few
skeletons in the cup board? Not surprising that BJP has actually lost
ground from March to April in opinion polls. They are gifting it to
Congress.

I am seriously getting more interested in Kerry vs Bush these days.
People there at least have the guts to acknowledge faults and have
the bloody balls to go on the offensive on critical issues.

The roused rabble

2004-04-21T16:02:00.000+05:30

The following are excerpts from the book `Issue of foreign origin: Sonia under scrutiny` - published by the India First Foundation - written by S.Gurumurthy - journalist, Sangh Parivar apologist, and the founder patron of Swadeshi Jagran Manch, and one of whose lectures I had the privilege to attend: My response to this article is above this post:

It is certainly not a matter of pride to have Sonia as the Prime Minister. You cannot be electing a person as Prime Minister and not feel proud of having elected her. When someone wants to lead this country, it must be a matter of pride for its people to have that person as their leader. Imagine the depths to which this issue has descended. "What is wrong if she is the Prime Minister," is an argument that comes not from the ordinary people of India, but from the educated Indian. This comes from the Chidambarams and from the Rajdeeep Sardesais of this country; this comes from editorial writers sitting in cities. So let us analyse this issue with all its implications for a country like India, which has an unbroken civilisational continuity. India is indeed a civilisation behind the facade of a nation. It is now facing the might of the nation-state, which has evolved in the west. The nation-state mechanism in the west is basically aggressive, violent, conquering, invasive, dominating, imperialistic. It is a concept which the Indian mind cannot internalise, understand, or exhibit in its attitude. So, now we are conceding that foreigners can become prime ministers and presidents of India, provided they hold a citizenship certificate. Odious comparisons are being made by a few who are bent on justifying Sonia as the prime minister. Look at Sister Nivedita, they say. She rebelled against the British for India. And her name was Margaret. Swami Vivekananda called her Nivedita because she had surrendered herself to this country. Where then is the comparison? Compare Nivedita with Sonia Maino. She came to India marrying a very good-looking man. When she came to India in 1968, she was wedded to an Indian who was the son of that country's Prime Minister. People say it is our tradition that when a woman enters her husband's home, she becomes part of that family, and so Sonia too is an Indian. It is a sentimental attitude. Look at the acts. Sonia did not apply for Indian citizenship in 1968 when she married Rajiv and came to India. It is what any good Indian wife would have done.

She filled an application in 1968 for permission to stay as a foreigner in India for five years. She said, "I am married, I am married into theIndian Prime Minister but I would still like to remain a foreigner." So she was given a certificate in 1968 to reside in India as a foreigner for five years. In 1973, after the first five-year period expired, she again applied for the permit to stay on in India for another five years as a foreigner. And this is the person who is going to live and die for us. My friend Cho Ramaswamy told me not to believe what she says, There is not only a complete divorce between what she says and what she does; there is also a clue that she will do precisely the opposite of what she says. I will come to it later; there are instances and instances.
So, she again applied for a foreigner's permit. You know why? Between 1968 and 1973, there were indications of war with Pakistan over East Pakistan. And sure enough there was the Bangladesh war. During that conflict, when all commercial pilots were asked to forego their leave and enter service, she asked Rajiv to go on long leave. He was given special permission and they left the country. Throughout the period of the war, they were in Rome. Why? Because the American Seventh Fleet was moving towards India, and Sonia Gandhi probably had serious doubts about India's survival!
So she deserted the country with her husband. She returned only after peace was restored, and after India had won the war because of Indira Gandhi. This is where the stark contrast between Sonia Gandhi and Atal Bihari Vajpayee is most glaring. Look at their conduct after the two wars.
After the creation of Bangladesh in 1971, Vajpayee, who was the Leader of the Opposition, stood up in Parliament and congratulated Indira Gandhi for her courage and vision and praised her as Durga. He was a patriot. At that important moment, he never thought that acknowledging the achievement of his political adversary will cost him votes. Yes, he and his party lost votes in both Partiament and Assembly polls, but not because Vajpayee stood tall in his praise oflndira Gandi. After the Kargil war, Sonia Gandhi told the NDA Government, "Please do not ask for any credit." This is meanness, pettiness, smallness, and foreignmindedness.
Sonia Gandhi played politics even with the self-esteem of this country by choosing the wrong moment to demand an explanation from the government, to raise issues of corruption in defence deals. Her praise of our armed forces came after she realised that the people of this country were not taking her criticism very well. That she was a foreigner and had no business asking for explanations came across very clearly. Every intelligent lndian knew there were problems, including corruption associated with some sections of the army and that it was these problems that resulted in the Kargil invasion.
Should it be used as an occasion to expose a small number of people and defame the entire army in the process? The army today represents the core of Indian nationalism. This was the occasion for the nation to rise above everything and pat the army for its heroism, courage and sacrifice.
But only a nationalist will think like this. However, Sonia Gandhi, who was after votes and political power, could not think like this. Now let us come to the period between 1973-1978. In 1977, when Indira Gandhi was defeated, Sonia sensed the mood of the nation, took refuge in the Italian Embassy and refused to come out of it. She said she was going back to Italy. Sanjay Gandhi had to go and plead with her to return.
Is this is the person who is going to live and die for India? To live in India is very different from living for India. And to live in India in such glory, with such protection and resources, is very different from dying for India. Nationalism will not come by merely wearing saris. It is as much a fancy dress today as any other dress can be. But some Indians are very happy to see Sonia in a sari, and regard her stay in India as their good fortune. Why? I am going to say something which many of you may not like.
Some of you may even say I am a racist. I was discussing this issue with Cho Ramaswamy. He told me something he may not write but I will share this with you. Cho said, and I quote, "If Sonia Gandhi had been black, had been a person of African origin, this problem would never have arisen."
Do you understand what this means, unpalatable though it may be to some of you? It is this fascination for the white skin and it is we, the English educated Indians, who are responsible for this. Tamil patriot and poet Bharathi said, " Ayiram undingu jathi, enil anniyar vanthu pugal enna neethi. " Yes, we may have hundreds of castes but that is no reason for an alien to fish in our troubled waters and play arbiter here. That is what Tilak mean by Swaraj first. We may fight among ourselves, we may even kill each other, but we don't want a foreign arbiter.
I know of several political leaders saying that the Indian English Press will stand against us. Only because the Indian English Press is bound to take a hostile attitude towards those who consider Sonia as a foreigner and a reluctant citizen, many political parties are unwilling to make this a national issue. This is the terrorising influence that the English educated Indian intellectuals have on the political class. Another argument is that this is not an issue in the rural areas. If you do not make it an issue, how will it become an issue there?
The Emergency was imposed in India. The national TV, the Press, everything was controlled by the government. The cities revolted against the Emergency; in six months it spread and percolated, and then the villages revolted, too. Ideas always percolate, but if they are edited at the top, the nation remains confused. Never in the history of the world has a foreigner ruled another country except by invasion.
But what is abnormal here is that we are in danger of electing a foreigner to rule this country. Some Indians do not want to be seen as being narrow-minded or less liberal. What is this liberalism? One-sixth of humanity living together is in itself the greatest symbol of liberalism. We are one-sixth of humanity and we live together and live well together.
Let us now recap what Sonia did in 1978, after Indira Gandhi lost the elections in 1977. Sonia again applied to stay on in India as a foreigner. In 1968, 1973, 1978- for three five-year terms - Sonia applied for a resident's permit to stay in India. On April 30, 1983, her third five-year permit expired. By that time it was certain that Rajiv was to become the heir to Indira Gandhi.
And so, even on April 27, three days before the permit expired, she had still not opted for Indian citizenship. She wanted to be a foreigner till the last day the permit allowed her to be so. And this is precisely what Sharad Pawar asked her in the Congress Working Committee (CWC), in May 1999 It all happened suddenly. Pawar described to me how it happened. On that day, the CWC was to discuss the Goa election and Pawar was supposed to present his analysis of the situation in Goa. The lady came with a prepared speech (please note, even in the 20-member working committee, she comes with a prepared speech).
She began reading her speech. Everybody was surprised at what she had to say. She said that the Sangh Parivar, against which her mother- in-law carried on a campaign to finish communalism, against whom her husband did this and that, had now decided to destroy her.
"They are branding me a foreigner. I will fight them to the last drop of my blood. But, I don't want this issue to drag on till the elections. I want it decided today because if it is decided now, we can fight it out at the time of the election, and it will be no issue at all. So, I want to know first whether any of you have any objection to my becoming the Prime Minister,"she said.
All these fellows remained silent. And then Madhav Rao Scindia spoke, "Madam, you do not have to fight the Sangh Parivar propaganda, I will fight it. This is not your battle, this is my battle:' This set the tone for the rest of the discussion and soon most members began to ask, who are these RSS people to dub Sonia a foreigner?
Soon it was Sangma's turn to speak. Sangma said, "Madam, I have very different views on this issue. I don't know anything about you; There are people who are saying that for 17 years you lived as a foreigner in India. If the voters ask me, how will I explain? Please tell me why you did not opt for Indian citizenship in 1968? I cannot convince the people of my own State, my own constituency on this." And then it was Pawar's turn.
He told me he was sitting immediately to her right. He was the last to speak. He was the first one to organise a public meeting for her, a massive rally in Maharastra. He told Sonia, and I quote, "In that rally, you said I am an ordinary humble Congress worker. You said I don't want any position, I don't want power, and I am associated with the Congress family. You also said I don't even want to become a Congress member.
I can't bear to see a party with which my mother-in-law, her father, her grandfather, and my husband were all associated, decaying like this. So, I want to strengthen this party. This is what you said on that day." Then Pawar told the rally, "If she is willing to do such a generous job for a nationalist party, there should be no objection. She does not want to be the president of the party, she does not want to be in any position and she doesn't want to be an MP."
Pawar told me that he had recounted the statements made at that rally to BaI Thackeray in defence of Sonia Gandhi. "But the day she ran to the President of India and told him that she had the support of 272 MPs to become the Prime Minister of India, which was a lie, all of us changed and I changed, too;" Pawar told me.
Sonia said she was not interested in politics, and that she would never enter politics. She said she would not become a Congress member but will only help the party as a person belonging to the Congress fami1y. She said and I quote, "I am just a four anna member, I will not occupy any position." But what happened thereafter? She physically threw out Sitaram Kesri from the office. The poor fellow was in the toilet. His chair was empty. And do you know what happened? The Congress goons bolted the toilet door from outside and made Sonia occupy' his chair, The elderly man wept. This is how she became the president of the Congress Party.
In the same way the western armies in the past invaded other civilisations and seized power, she seized power in a 'coup d'toilette'. This is the disconnect between her word and her action. Her conduct was the very reverse of her profession. she said she had no ambition to be the Prime Minister. But who ran from pillar to post to bring down the Vajpayee government?
Again, when the media probed her about the money paid by Bofors to her friend Quattrocchi, she said, "Yes, the CBI is saying he is a suspect, but they have not produced any papers; and unless you produce papers to prove that somebody is guilty, you cannot say he is guilty."
But what is the truth about Quattrocchi ? In the Bofors deal, the quality of the gun was not the issue. It was always rated as a good gun, but there was a better gun called Sofma. In 17 meetings, the negotiating committee kept the Sofma gun ahead of the Bofors gun from 1984 June to early February 1986. For two years, in 17 meetings, the army brass involved in the decision making had preferred Sofma to Bofors. But everything changed on February 17 that year. Please mark the dates. The competition among arms manufacturers to sell guns to India was on from 1980.
On November 15, 1985, a company called AE Services entered into an agreement with Bofors. It said, "Gentlemen, I will get you the Government of India order for Bofors guns. And I will get this order by March 31, 1986. And if I get it by March 31, you will give me three per cent commission, which is $36.5 million or Rs 160 crore at the current rates of exchange. So, if I get you this order by March 31, you will give me this commission and if I don't get it you need not give me anything. You owe no obligation to me."
Who can enter into this kind of a contract except the person who can get it? Fina11y, the cat was out of the bag. The person who signed the contract filed an affidavit in the Swiss Court saying it was Quattrocchi who advised him to enter into this contract.
The sequence was as fo11ows: On February 17, 1986, the Bofors gun was nowhere in the picture. However, on March 15 and 16, Rajiv told the Swedish Government ( on a State visit to Sweden) that he will give Sweden the order for supply of Bofors guns. On March 17, the negotiating committee cleared the deal in 48 hours. Eleven officials and Rajiv Gandhi signed the deal and on March 21, 1986, 10 days ahead of the deadline to which Quattrocchi had committed himself, the contract was signed.
The bribe agreement between this shady company AE Services, and Bofors said: "Bofors will pay AE Services proportionate to the amount the Government of India pays to Bofors." The Government of India paid 20 per cent of the money to Bofors and exactly three per cent of 20 per cent was released in September 1986 to AE Services.
Within 13 days, that money was transferred to an investment company and two years later, after The Hindu and The Indian Express came out with exposes on the deal, with documents as proof, it was transferred to another company and the Swiss Police unearthed the fact that the persons behind all the three companies into which these monies had gone was Quattrocchi and his wife.
Only they had the authority to sign the secret accounts. When this was found out and the bank documents were being transmitted, Quattrocchi filed an appeal against the transmission of documents in the Swiss Court but the court said he was a dishonest man and overruled the objection saying Quattrocchi was involved in the deal. He has taken bribes and he is related to the Indian administration at the highest level, the Swiss Court said.
The Swiss Court order came in July 1993 when Narasimha Rao was the Prime Minister and the Interpol told the Government of India that Quattrocchi 's appeal in the Swiss Court had been dismissed, which meant "Arrest him." The powers-that-be gave Quattrocchi one week's time to escape. Just like Win Chadha has been allowed to escape an year earlier. And this man too flew out of India. When the CBI raided his home and found his diary notes,. these revealed Quattrocchi had been having dinner meetings with Rajiv and Sonia Gandhi. They found photographs and letters that had been exchanged, and everything was seized. Thereafter, the Delhi High Court issued an arrest warrant against Quattrocchi. He appealed to the Interpol which was dismissed.
The Delhi High Court also dismissed it saying his presence was needed and he had to be arrested. These are all judicial orders printed, published, and available in the public domain. Thereafter the matter went to the Supreme Court. Quattrocchi told the Supreme Court through his advocates that he would come and present himself, and that he should not be arrested. The Supreme Court said, since the man says he will come and present himself and be available for interrogation, why should he be arrested?
However, Quattrocchi defied the orders of the Supreme Court and did not turn up. He filed an affidavit in the Swiss Court saying that India was a brute nation and he cannot get justice in the judicial system of India. And Sonia Gandhi is defending this fellow Italian. It is, therefore, a blatant lie to say there are no documents to prove Quattrocchi's guilt.
It is also a lie that Sonia did not know his plans to abscond from the country. It is impossible that somebody who resided in Delhi for 20 years, who shared weekly evenings with Rajiv and Sonia, would have suddenly left Delhi , without even telephoning to her. She must have been privy to all these things and she has the audacity to ask where is the proof?
So, truth has nothing to do with Sonia Gandhi. There is an absolute disconnect between her words and deeds. Now the issue is whether Sonia in politics is a national shame.
Whether it is a national shame or not, it is certainly a danger to national security. Why do we have rules in the army which prohibit a foreigner, a foreign born person, even though he is a citizen, from occupying certain high-ranking offices in the army? Why do we say that our IPS officers should not be of foreign origin? Why do we say that our IPS officers cannot marry foreigners? Now, herein comes the idea of the modern nation-state.
A modern nation-state has a built-in insecurity and that is the reason why it has to secure itself. But can the Prime Minister have a foreign wife? Can the Prime Minister's son have a foreign wife? Sitting in the Prime Minister's Office, in the Prime Minister's home, a foreign wife for 15 years; who ran away with her husband when the nation was at war, breaching the discipline of commercial pilots is now a well, established fact. In India, the MLAs, MPs, and ministers are not subject to any rule or discipline. Even today whether an MLA or MP is a public servant is a matter that is being debated in courts.
So, can an MP have a foreign wife.? Can a minister have a foreign wife? This distortion has crept into the system. And what are the consequences of foreigners penetrating our polity?
When George Fernandes spoke on this issue on the national television, it was chilling. He spoke of a particular file whlch contained all the secrets of the government. Where are the nuclear weapons, where are the missiles, who can press the button, which missile points in which direction, who are our spy links in different countries? This single file contains all this information.
That file is not handled by anybody other than the Prime Minister of India. If Vajpayee ceases to be the Prime Minister and Sonia becomes the Prime Minister, he will have to hand over this file to her. It will have every nationa1 security secret. If it falls into wrong hands, it will strip India naked before inimical forces.
`Can we afford to hand over these secrets to her?` Fernandes said even the Defence Minister cannot do anything; he cannot look at that file. Even the services chiefs know only their part of the secret. The combined, collective national secret is in the hands of one man that will be handed over to this foreigner, should she achieve her political ambition.
Whether somebody can speak tolerable Hindi or not is not the issue; it is far more serious. It goes to the root of the existence of the nation, its security and its survival. Sonia's loyalty to India will always be in doubt. If there is even a millionth of a chance that her loyalty to, this country is in question, it should be enough to disqualify her from prime ministership. The issue is not whether Sonia will succeed in becoming the Prime Minister, but the very idea that somebody like her can nurse such an ambition.
If the intellectuals of India, whose duty it is to preserve the mind of India have failed, I am certain that at least the ordinary people of India will succeed in protecting national interest as they did in 1977.

Critic ????

2004-03-08T19:06:00.000+05:30

I do not know where I managed to pick for myself the undeserved renown as a critic, if only among a few. It is certainly amusing, if not embarassing to think of myself reviewing another's work. Well, I dont know... but when asked, I must say something. And I am being very honest about what I feel or dont feel about a particular point. Hope that will not be taken as a "criticism" but rather just as how the piece in question affected me.

Hope these reviewees will look back sometime in their long distinguised careers and chuckle with kiddish delight, about how a wayside moron once got to comment on their works. LOL

In A Disused Graveyard

2004-03-01T17:34:00.000+05:30

In A Disused Graveyard

The living come with grassy tread
To read the gravestones on the hill;
The graveyard draws the living still,
But never anymore the dead.
The verses in it say and say:
"The ones who living come today
To read the stones and go away
Tomorrow dead will come to stay."
So sure of death the marbles rhyme,
Yet can't help marking all the time
How no one dead will seem to come.
What is it men are shrinking from?
It would be easy to be clever
And tell the stones: Men hate to die
And have stopped dying now forever.
I think they would believe the lie.

- Robert Frost

Frost is quite indisputably the master of images.I can still remember the intense reverie of meaning I experienced, when I first read this poem. We have heard and heard too much, about death - its ultimacy, its indefatigability and the utter hopelessness. We have heard a few say how one must succumb to it with little resistance, and another - how one must "rage against it." In all its varied essences and flavours, death stands apart with one single unchanging attribute - the finality.

Which is why these fifteen lines shine stark in significance. Frost in a single image, hooks the finality of images of death in one big question mark, where neither the mortal men nor the waiting grave will achieve the final victory. The graveyard, the elemental metaphor for a fullstop, has brimmed without space, and now the roles are reversed. Though the living still come and visit loved ones, the graveyard will never again see them dead. The eternal wisdom in what the grave takes pride in uttering to generations of men - "The ones who living come today/ To read the stones and go away/ Tomorrow dead will come to stay." is shattered. The certitude of the marble grounds is now jarring because, neither the graveyard nor the wisdom has escaped what it celebrates so tirelessly - death itself. And to the nether-land that wonders in shrouting suspicion, "What hate men in me? Why don't they come to my laps anymore?" one might just say "Men hate to die. And they will not anymore."

As one tries to explain and the other to believe in this mock-hypothesis, is not Death and all its allied emotions and images failed metaphors? Do we really see Death and does wisdom really dawn or are we merely fooling ourselves like the graveyard?

Pastiche

2004-01-28T22:13:00.000+05:30

At last I have got some time to breathe... I am listening to my favourite band of all times Simon and Garfunkel. There is a particular song you should listen to on rainy nights with lights turned off and windows kept open to let in the cool air. Its quite simply the song for you - "For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her" I have never heard a love song so tender, so earnest and so heartfelt. Adding to its beauty is the fact that Paul Simon wrote this song to Emily Dickinson, the love-lorn poetess (another of my favourites).

I am taken by Vivaldi's Four Seasons these days. I am planning to write my emotional review on the piece sometime when I am more leisurely and less tired.

Homme caché

2004-01-27T23:10:00.000+05:30

One thing that keeps me going is my ability to surprise myself. There is something in me that surges up just when my chips are down. I guess I should not be proud of this fact but rather be just greatful to it. My existence in times of agony, much of which is destined to follow me unshared to the grave, I owe to one chief resource... the untapped well ... the resource inside me that strikes water when the land around me grows barren. I consider this a link between myself and the divine, through which flows a refreshing grace. I can never be a winner. I am destined to be ordinary. How lovely to be ordinary... when you can have moments like these, when you can surpass yourself.

Night follows night. And I - with these thoughtless thoughts.